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第3章 FOREWORD by Laraine Newman

All roads lead to sex. It's the reason we strive. Strive for excellence, piety, beauty, discovery, invention, and conquest.

Don't kid yourself. Do you really think Leonard Susskind, known as the father of string theory, pursued theoretical physics and quantum mechanics in order to satisfy his need for symmetry in the universe? Fuck no. It was for the chicks!

Sex is the motivator. It inspires us to greatness.

Regrettably as you will see in this book, it also takes people of great sensitivity and otherwise inherent dignity and puts a filthy boot on their necks.

In these pages, you will be privy to the experiences of the brave soldiers who have fallen on the swords of sexual folly and its many nasty cousins-so wide-ranging and wondrous, you can bet a pimpled porn star's ass there's something here for everyone.

What's ironic is that it takes considerable objectivity and a, you should excuse the expression (since this condition is so often absent in these escapades), "sober eye," to be able to bring these stories to you with such honesty, wit, and perspective.

After seeing the stage show and laughing so hard my lungs hurt, I felt a sense of longing. Is this it? I thought, I want more.

So, here, people, are the keys to the kingdom.

Worst Laid Plans is a hilarious testimonial to the vast array of consequences we face after having ignored that little voice inside that says: "Don't." "This isn't a good idea." "Leave now."

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