I TORE PAST TREES AND FERNS AND scraped my arms on berry thorns, twisting my ankle, not caring at all about the pain. The nighttime forest glowed in a strange haze of gold, and the fat trunks and green awnings soared high above, as if I were nothing more than a spider scampering through a window box. Branches and leaves pushed at my back, thrusting me forward, sending me on my way through the night to the Paulissens' little white shed.
I banged my fists on the door.
"Joe? Are you in there?"
Joe slammed his full weight against the door from within, as if to hold it closed.
"Wait!" I grabbed the knob. "It's Hanalee. I need to talk to you."
"Have you got a gun?" he called through the slats.
"No."
"You swear?"
I raised my hands in case he could see me through the cracks. "I swear. I left it behind. Let me in. I just spoke to someone. Someone who said you're innocent."
"What?"
"You heard me. Open up. I believe you."
The door opened, and I stumbled into the small space lit by a kerosene lantern, with just a cot, a potbelly stove, and some old fishing rods parked against a wall. My knees and elbows crashed against floorboards half sunken into the earth. I smelled and tasted dirt. And fish.
The door closed behind me, and Joe crouched down by my side, shining that foul lantern into my eyes. Bright light cut across my corneas. I hissed and shrank back.
"What's the matter with you?" He grabbed my arm and shoved the light even closer. "Your pupils are as large as dimes. What'd you take?"
"An elixir"—I pushed the lantern away—"from Mildred Marks."
"Jesus!" He set the light on the ground beside him. "You look like the dope fiends I met in prison."
"I don't know what the Markses put in there, but"—I clasped his left elbow—"I spoke to him, Joe."
"Who?"
"My father. My real father."
"You …" His face blanched, and I watched his own pupils dilate. "You mean—"
"He said he should have stayed away from the doc that night. He puts full blame on Dr. Koning."
Joe knelt so close to me, I smelled pond water in his hair and saw the C-shaped arc of the scar above his right eyebrow. His bottom lip looked as though it had once split open and tried to heal, with questionable success.
Without warning, the room swayed, and I had to cover my mouth to keep from retching. Kerosene smoke lodged in my lungs. I coughed and wheezed and curled onto my side, the heels of my palms pressed against my eye sockets.
"Hanalee." Joe nudged my arm. "Wake up. You can't go to sleep in here."
"We should talk to Sheriff Rink."
"I told the sheriff about Dr. Koning when he first threw me in jail. He didn't listen to a fucking word I said."
I flinched at his language. "There's got to be something we can do."
"There's only one way to get rid of a man who got away with murder, Hanalee."
I lowered my hands from my eyes and gaped at him. "He's my stepfather, Joe."
"He murdered your father." Joe pointed toward the door. "He took that man's life and robbed you of love and peace."
"I can't kill him."
"Where'd you get that gun? From Laurence?"
"I'm not shooting Clyde Koning."
"Talk to Fleur, then. She knows all about herbs and flowers, doesn't she? I'm sure she's aware of poisonous local plants and could—"
"No!" I sat back up. "I'm not tangling Fleur up in this mess. I'd kill myself before anything happens to her."
"I can't risk going back to that prison."
"Well, you're going to have to go back, because I'm not a killer."
"Neither am I."
I smacked his arm with the heel of my right palm. "You're an ex-convict with nothing to lose. You've got no family, no money, no house, no love—"
He snatched my wrist and squeezed my bones between his fingers. "They'll cut me up if I go back there."
I tried to wrench myself away from him, but he pulled me forward and tipped me off balance.
"I'm like you, Hanalee." His dark eyes glistened a few inches in front of mine. "I've got people who hate me and want to hurt me. There are doctors in that prison—barbarians with medical degrees who'll do unspeakable things to change me if I ever go back. There's no way in hell I'm going back there."
Lamplight wavered and rippled across the wall behind him, stretching and shaking his shadow above the bed. He smelled so much like the pond beyond the shed, I imagined him diving down into the murky green depths and hiding among the underwater grasses whenever I wasn't around.
"Are you sure murder is the only option?" I asked.
He nodded. "All you have to do is slip poisonous leaves into his tea or coffee—whatever he likes to drink. And I'll get you out of town directly afterward."
I squirmed. "Why don't you just stab Dr. Koning and run?"
"I just told you—I can't risk jail. Sheriff Rink would be after me the second I finished the job. He'd have the whole goddamned state searching for me with rifles and bloodhounds."
"They'd hunt you down even faster if your skin was as dark as mine."
"That's not necessarily true." He loosened his grip.
I lifted my chin. "I think you're a coward, Joe."
"If I murder Dr. Koning, I'd have to kill myself, too, just to make sure I don't end up in that pen again. If it comes to that"—he turned his face away and swallowed, hard—"I'll do it. But I think, if we're careful, and you get to him from within that house, we can both end up safe and free in some other place that doesn't want to get rid of us."
I breathed through my mouth. My tongue went so dry, my throat turned raw.
"Will you consider it, Hanalee?" He peeked back at me. "You just said yourself that your father blames the doc. You have your proof. And I know for certain you have a vengeful side."
I swallowed. "I wasn't ever truly going to kill you. I sent that bullet straight past your ear on purpose, so you'd feel exactly what I felt when Sheriff Rink told me my father was dead."
He didn't respond. He simply stared without blinking.
I rubbed the sides of my face and groaned from deep within my belly. "I'm not making any promises until morning. This might all feel like a bad dream by the time I wake up."
"Here …" He turned and reached for something under the cot, next to a couple of clothbound books with titles too hidden in the dark to read. I also saw a stack of playing cards, built into a triangular tower five cards high, constructed on the ground next to the foot of the bed. The crossword puzzle pages of a newspaper lay in a heap beside the tower, with half the squares still blank.
"I guess you're not so good at crossword puzzles," I said.
"Here, I've got a fountain pen." Joe reached toward me with the pen in hand. "Write down your father's words, exactly the way you remember them—somewhere on your body where Dr. Koning or your mother won't see."
I shrank back. "I don't know if the ink will show up on my skin."
He fetched one of the puzzle pages. "Then write the words here."
"What if Dr. Koning sees what I've written on the page?"
"I bet you've got a knack for hiding things from him." He tore a corner off the newspaper and laid it flat on the floor in front of me. "Like the gun … and the elixir you took tonight."
"All right." I snatched the pen from his hand. "Give me a second to make my brain slow down, and I'll write what I remember."
Joe spun back around toward the cot and grabbed a pair of beat-up brown shoes from underneath. We both remained seated on the shed's filthy old floorboards, which felt as hard as a rib cage against the backs of my thighs. Splinters needled their way into my left ankle.
I leaned forward, and, next to the ripped bottom of the crossword puzzle, I filled the newsprint with seven words:
I put full blame on the doc.
My hand shook so much, the letters formed as smudges and squiggles. My stomach twisted just from looking at them.
"There." I screwed the cap back into place and tossed the pen at Joe. "It's done. I gotta go home."
He shoved a shoe over his right foot and laced it. "I'll walk you back."
"There's no need for that." I crammed the piece of newsprint into my pocket.
"It's dark." He put on the other shoe. "You're on that tonic. And despite what my father and the state of Oregon claim, I am a gentleman." He tied the second lace and got to his feet.
I braced my hands against the floorboards and pushed myself up. "Why would doctors in prison want to perform surgery on you? What's wrong with you?"
He ran a hand through his hair and headed for the door. "Nothing."
"Are you sure about that, Joe? Everyone I've spoken to since yesterday warned me not to talk to you. They all told me you're crazy."
He stopped by the door. "Who said that?"
"Robbie Witten. Mildred Marks. Sheriff Rink."
A shaky breath rattled through his lips, and he averted his eyes from mine.
"Why would they say that?" I asked. "In fact, why should I listen to your plans to kill my stepfather if you're completely off your rocker?"
"I'm not crazy, Hanalee. Just …" He swung the door open. "Let's get you back home."
I didn't budge.
"Hanalee …" Joe sighed and shifted toward me. "Ignorant sons of bitches say terrible things about me because they don't understand my type of people."
I shifted my weight between my feet. "W-w-what do you mean, your 'type of people'? Are you part Indian or something?"
"No."
"Catholic?"
He rolled his eyes. "My father's a goddamned Methodist preacher, for Christ's sake. I'm not Catholic."
"Then what do you mean?"
He raked a hand through his hair once more and returned his gaze to the sunken floorboards in front of him. "It's none of your business."
"Tell me, Joe, or I won't conspire with you. I'll investigate my father's death on my own. I'll let the sheriff know where you're hiding …"
"Jesus."
"No secrets. Tell me the truth if you want me to believe everything you say."
"All right, if you're going to be so damn pushy about it, I'll tell you, but you can't breathe a word about it to another soul." He grabbed his stomach. "I'm a … what people call a …" His face made a wincing expression that reminded me of the way I'd felt when I first swallowed down the fire of Necromancer's Nectar. "Oh, Christ, just … I'm an Oscar Wilde."
I shook my head, confused. "You're a playwright?"
"No, I …" He dropped his arm to his side. "I'm a … what they call …" His chin quivered; every other part of his body tensed. "Queer." He swallowed. "A homosexual."
I merely blinked at him, not one hundred percent sure I knew what that latter term meant.
"I don't love girls in a romantic way," he explained. "I—I—I … it's boys." He clutched his stomach again and closed his eyes. "I'm attracted to boys."
"Oh." I gave a small nod.
A prickly silence fell between us. Outside, a frog belched a deep croak from the pond behind the shed. I slipped my right hand into my pocket and crinkled the newsprint that bore the accusation about my stepfather.
"Well, I should … I should get going." I sidled past Joe, careful not to touch him, and exited the shed.
He closed the door behind us, and I heard him following my lead through the clearing, his loud footsteps breaking up twigs.
We descended the short slope leading down to the creek, and I took extra caution crossing the rocks that jutted out of the water, for my feet felt cumbersome and unnatural. The nighttime world remained foggy and golden bright, and my head seemed stuffed full of cotton. Once I made it to the other side of the water, I pinched a fleshy part of my left arm to ensure I wasn't stuck in the middle of a dream. I pinched myself hard and flinched at the shock of pain.
Joe trailed behind me all the way back to the break in the trees that led to my house. His shoes crushed leaves and pine needles with a percussive rhythm that mimicked the sounds of my own feet.
I didn't know whether I should turn and say anything—or if the wrong words would tumble out of my mouth, or if he would suddenly look different, or if there was something different about his face or his body or his mannerisms, something I hadn't noticed before. I rubbed my arms and slowed my pace and felt the sudden urge to be cruel to him again.
"Is that why you want me to be the one who kills him?" I asked over my shoulder in the quietest voice I could muster. "Because you're not a true man?"
His feet came to an abrupt stop behind me.
My heart stopped, too. The words I'd spoken made my mouth taste rotten.
I turned around, parting my lips to apologize, but he was gone—a shadow slipping into the depths of the woods beyond the firs, leaving me all alone with a scrap of paper that burned inside my pocket.
