Jai soon got used to the Abbey's ways. I only had to show her something once and she remembered it. She took her dishes to the scullery when she had finished eating, she offered her bread to Havva, she took her clothes to Body's Spring for washing and she read the texts Sister O gave her every evening. She learned the movements of the sun greeting and the songs of thanks and praise within a few days. In the evenings she would come with me straight to Knowledge House and sit reading until sundown. She did not leave my side. The sisters noticed and did not separate us when they shared out duties, so Jai came with me to herd the goats up the mountain, harvest mussels on the beach, make the year's first batch of cheese, fetch water from the well, sweep the courtyards, and clean Novice House.
It soon became clear that Jai had not done much physical labor before. She was weak and could only carry half a bucket of water, but she never complained. She hardly ever spoke at all.
She had intense dreams at night and often woke me up with her anxious tossing and turning. I heard her mumble things I could not quite make out. She kept repeating one name: Unai. I did not know if that was a woman's or a man's name, but it must have been somebody very important because Jai dreamt about Unai every night. Lots of us sleep in the same dormitory, and I was not the only one who heard Jai's dreams.
Over the next few weeks spring came in full bloom. It started getting warmer and the sisters began talking about Moon Dance and all the other rituals of spring. Soon the mountains were draped in white and blue spring flowers and the air was alive with the hum of flies and bees. Dori strolled around singing along with the birds. She can mimic any bird perfectly.
One evening, half a moon after Jai's arrival, we were sitting together in our dormitory getting ready for bed. The older girls brushed the younger girls' hair, and I helped Ennike untangle her curls, which are always windswept and knotted by the end of the day.
She was sitting with her head back and her eyes shut. "My sister used to do this when I was little," she murmured. "I do not remember much about her other than the feel of her hands in my hair."
Heo sat by my feet and played with a kitten with fur as black as her own hair. The cat pounced on her fingers with its sharp teeth and claws, but Heo did not mind getting scratched.
"I don't have any sisters," she said. "Do you, Maresi?"
I nodded, brushing Ennike's hair until it shone. "One brother and two sisters. One of my sisters is older than me and my brother is your age, Heo. My big sister Náraes never had time to brush my hair. She helped our mother with the farm and I took care of the little ones." I swallowed. It was still difficult for me to talk about Anner. "My youngest sister—"
Jai was mending a hole in her trousers with a needle and thread. As I braced myself to carry on talking I saw that her sewing had fallen onto her lap and her cheeks had gone as white as the snow up on White Lady's peak. Just then Heo interrupted me.
"Jai, who is Unai? I have heard you say the name at night."
"Heo!" I said sharply, and she looked up at me with her big brown eyes, taken aback by my tone. At the same moment Jai let out a high-pitched, whimpering cry. It was a terrible sound. She raised her hands and smacked herself in the face, over and over again until I leapt forward and grabbed hold of her hands. But I could not stop her wailing. I turned to Ennike without letting go.
"Get Sister Nummel!"
Ennike rushed out of the room as the other novices moved out of the way. Heo had curled up into a little ball between the beds and was silent. Before long Sister Nummel came rushing in and together we led Jai to Sister Nummel's bed. Jai did not protest, but we had to hold her hands to stop her trying to slap or scratch at herself. Ennike ran to fetch Sister Nar, who swiftly turned up with a tincture she made Jai drink. It afforded her a little calm and soon she lay subdued on Sister Nummel's bed.
The sisters shooed me and Ennike away, and we had a hard time trying to get the agitated junior novices into bed. When the dorms were finally quiet, Ennike and I went out to get a breath of fresh air and calm down.
The indigo sky, dotted with stars, arched over the central courtyard. Everything was quiet but for the sea's gentle hush beyond the wall. Ennike took a deep breath.
"She has gone through even worse things than I have. I was often beaten by my father and grandfather, but she has had worse than beatings."
I tried to understand what it would be like to be hit by your own father. I thought about my skinny little papa, who gave up his own portions to us children in that never-ending winter. I thought about how he had gathered together all the stories he could about the Abbey, where it was and how to get there. How he wept when he realized that living in the Abbey would be the best thing for me. How he would not let go of my hand as I sat in the cart that was to take me away from our home, from our village, from our land, to the far-off southern coast.
"She does not know how to feel safe." As I said it I knew it was true. "We will have to teach her how."
