Keira awoke the next morning in a tangle of limbs. Shane was holding her close to him, cocooning her. It was cozy and comfortable.
Keira smiled to herself as she replayed their passionate lovemaking last night in her mind. It had been the most mind-blowing encounter of her life. Sex with Zach had been nice at first, then routine. She hadn't even realized how much the fire between them had fizzled until she'd been ignited by the power of Shane!
As she looked at his gorgeous sleeping form, she couldn't help but wonder about the future. Her trip wasn't going to last forever. Did that mean this amazing thing she'd found with Shane would end as well? It was unrealistic to think they'd continue dating once she returned to New York City. The flights would cost more than either of their salaries permitted, and could a relationship really exist without even occasional physical contact? The thought that there was a time limit to their lovemaking filled her with dread.
She moved then, and Shane stirred, opening one eye a sliver.
"Morning," he said, sleepily, smiling radiantly at the sight of her. He tightened his arms around her waist. "And where do you think you're going?"
Keira smiled in response. "I was going to make a pot of coffee."
Shane nodded and released her. "That's allowed."
Keira laughed and got out of bed, finding her legs wobbly somewhat beneath her. She went over to the counter where there was a kettle and a jar of instant coffee granules. It was hardly luxurious, but Keira couldn't care less. Today she was floating.
Keira made the coffee and returned to bed.
"So," Shane began, taking his mug from her hands. "Now that you know I'm not a player, does that mean we're a couple?"
Keira's eyes widened. She hadn't expected Shane to cut so quickly to the chase. But the idea didn't scare her. If anything, it thrilled her. And even though she could already imagine Bryn's reaction-telling her this was nothing more than a rebound from Zach-she didn't care. If this was how great rebounds felt then she ought to have them more often!
She tilted her head to the side and peered at Shane. "Sure."
Shane laughed. "Sure? Is that all I get?"
Keira batted her eyelids. "What would you prefer? 'Oh yes, yes, please say I can be your beloved!'"
"That's much better," Shane joked. "And yes, you may."
Keira smirked with amusement. "So what's the plan today? Where are you guiding me to?"
Shane pulled a face. "I kinda feel like it would be weird for me to act like your tour guide now. Don't you?"
"Well, my company is paying you…" Keira quipped.
"I'm pretty sure they're paying you too," Shane replied with a wry smile. "And that doesn't seem to make you do any work."
"Touché!" Keira replied.
They laughed together. Keira felt buoyant. Even the daylight filtering in through the thin curtains seemed brighter today. Not even the ever-present layer of gray clouds in the sky could bring down Keira's mood.
"Why don't we decide where we should go together, in that case," she said to Shane.
"You mean like a date? An actual date? With an activity?"
Keira nodded her head. "How about a gallery?"
"Sure. There's a ton of artists in Ireland, you know. The Limerick City Gallery of Art is closest to us. It's about an hour drive. You up for it?"
"Sounds great," Keira said.
"We'll be passing through a couple of towns with odd names that you can send pictures of to your sister."
"You've noticed me do that?" Keira asked, surprised by his attentiveness.
"I notice a lot of what you do," Shane replied.
They finished their coffee and dressed for the day. Downstairs they found that Orin had laid out a breakfast buffet for them. But Orin himself was nowhere to be seen. He must be giving them some privacy, Keira thought. Either that or he was embarrassed and avoiding them!
After a quick breakfast they headed out of the B&B, hand in hand. Shane went to walk left, Keira right. They pinged back together like an elastic band.
"The car's this way," Keira said.
Shane shook his head. "No. My car is that way. Your car is over there." He pointed the direction he'd tried to go.
"I'm not driving!" Keira stammered. "You always drive!"
"I did," Shane smirked, "when I was the tour guide. But I'm the boyfriend now. Which means we share stuff. I've never seen you drive before. Don't you think that's the sort of thing a boyfriend should experience?"
"But I'm terrible on these roads!" Keira protested. "They're too small. I'll kill us both."
"I have faith in you," Shane said.
He tugged her hand and Keira relented. The thought of driving more than she needed to in this place filled her with dread.
The rental car was parked round the side of the B&B. Keira got into the driver's seat, feeling immediately out of place.
"If I'm driving, you'll have to be official photographer," Keira said. She handed him her phone.
"No problem. I'll get pictures of Bunratty, Cratloe, and Dooradoyle's signs."
Keira laughed. "Thanks. That sounds perfect."
She turned the car on and swallowed her nerves, then reversed out of the lot.
Luckily the traffic was light.
They reached the first sign on Shane's list and he snapped a picture as they passed.
"Who am I sending this to?" he asked.
"Nina," Keira said. "It's her turn."
"No problem," Shane said.
She watched as he scrolled down to find Nina's name and sent the picture off to her.
A moment later he turned to Keira. "She replied saying Joshua is on her case about you. Can you send her some words?"
Keira sighed. But then she remembered the tirade she'd written yesterday. Was it mean to use it? She was certain Joshua would like it, and it would definitely get him off her back for a day or two. But she didn't feel that way anymore. In fact, she felt pretty much the opposite! If she sent Joshua the rant and he wanted it in the final piece then Shane would be mad if he read it. Then again, that was a lot of ifs.
"I'd better pull over and send her an update," Keira said.
"I can do it," Shane said.
Keira shook her head as she pulled up at the side of the road. "No way." She reached for her bag in the back seat and pulled out her laptop. She quickly composed an email to Nina and sent off the document. At least now she could relax.
They continued on. Keira's phone buzzed with another incoming message.
"Nina says thanks, that's brilliant," Shane told her. Then he took a photo of Cratloe's sign.
"That one's for Bryn," Keira told him.
He sent the picture off for her.
"She's replied with some emojis. The laughing cat. The laughing ghost. The smiling frog. I think we can safely assume she's amused."
They reached Limerick and pulled up into the parking lot of the gallery. Keira let out her tense breath as she parked up and turned off the engine.
"How did I do?" Keira asked. "We're both alive, which is the main thing."
Shane peered out the passenger side window as if checking to see whether she'd parked straight. "Your driving is pretty good considering," he said.
"Considering what?" Keira replied, raising an eyebrow. "That I'm a woman? Or that I'm American?"
"Your words, not mine," Shane quipped.
They got out of the car and went inside the gallery. It felt very romantic strolling around together looking at art. Keira had to keep forcing herself to focus on the paintings because her gaze kept wandering to Shane. He was the real work of art here, as far as she was concerned.
They went to the gallery's cafe and ordered some lunch. It was a cool space, open plan and modern, filled with tall plants. A glass roof let in as much light as the overcast day was giving them.
"This place is really nice," Keira said, looking around her.
Just then, the server arrived with their plates of couscous, pita bread, spicy hummus, and olives, a multicultural feast that Keira had not expected to find in the deepest depths of Ireland.
"Art is really valued over here," Shane explained. "In all its forms. Pottery. Paintings. Music."
"Yes, I had noticed the fact that everyone can play an instrument," Keira said, remembering the first time she'd clapped eyes on Shane as he stood on the stage with his fiddle. "Although I've yet to see a harpist, which I'm a little disappointed about."
"Really?" Shane asked, surprised. "I know at least ten. Remind me to take you to the Hope and Anchor on a Wednesday night. My friend Claire has a weekly spot there."
Keira smiled to herself, feeling like Shane was wanting to fully immerse her in his actual life. Not just the tourist bit but the bit with his friends.
But the more she thought about it, the heavier she felt. It wasn't like there were endless amounts of Wednesdays for them to choose from. In fact, there was just one more before she left Ireland. The likelihood of her meeting Claire the harpist was nonexistent. Because the truth of the situation was that Keira was a tourist. No matter what her intentions, or Shane's intentions, she would be leaving soon. The thought filled her with dread.
"You look sad," Shane said, suddenly.
Keira tensed. She hadn't meant to show her emotions on her face. She didn't see the point of them talking about the fact this was all temporary because it would just spoil things. But at the same time, her leaving soon was a fact, and they couldn't bury their heads in the sand forever.
"I'm just thinking about how we don't have much time left," she said. "You know, for me to see Claire or meet any of your friends. That sort of stuff."
"Oh, yeah," Shane said glumly. He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "I've been thinking about that too."
She looked across the table at him. "You have? What have you been thinking specifically?"
She wanted to hear Shane's side of the situation since she'd been replaying hers in her mind over and over for days.
"I've been thinking about how much it will suck when we say goodbye," Shane said.
Goodbye. That's where Shane's mind was going. Not to long-distance dating or keeping in touch via video messaging. Not even arranging a date in the future when they could meet again. He'd gone straight to the cold, hard finality of goodbye.
"Yeah, I guess it would be unrealistic to even think about dating once I've gone," Keira said, brushing her hair behind her ear, trying to appear nonchalant when she was feeling anything but. "I mean, there's the whole Atlantic Ocean in the way."
Shane's hand on hers squeezed tighter. "Well, that didn't stop your forefathers, did it?"
Keira wasn't in the mood for a joke. She'd been getting far too wrapped up in playing boyfriends and girlfriends for her own good. But like always, Shane seemed to just be seeing the funny side.
Feeling suddenly uncomfortable, Keira removed her hand from beneath his. It was an awkward gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Shane.
"Keira, I'm saying if people crossed the Atlantic in boats, we can do it in planes. What's seven hours in this day and age? We can view the flight as an opportunity to binge watch TV shows."
But it was a little too late for his words to comfort her. Even if Shane did want this to keep going on, even if the thought of long hours airborne didn't bother him, how on earth would they afford it? Neither was particularly rich. On her current income she could probably shell out for one trip to Ireland to see him a year. It would the same, if not worse, for him.
"I don't know if even binging on TV can save this," she said glumly.
Shane looked at her with an aching look in his eyes. "You sound like you're giving up."
"No," Keira said, shaking her head. "I'm just being realistic."
"I can think of another word instead of realistic," Shane said. "How about unadventurous. Boring."
"Charming," Keira muttered.
But she knew Shane was just teasing her because he was smirking. But she just couldn't feel amused.
"Keira, we're both young enough. We shouldn't be thinking about how realistic or logical our decisions are. I'd rather spend every cent I have flying across the world to see you than save up for a pension or anything as boring as that. Come on, cheer up." He grinned at her encouragingly. "Let's just cross that bridge when we come to it, yeah?"
Keira could feel a lump in her throat. Though she half agreed with what Shane was saying, she couldn't help the sudden sense of finality that had taken hold of her. It had come in a wave, as if she'd left her mind behind and it had suddenly caught up with her.
Not wanting to cry in front of Shane, Keira excused herself then to use the restroom, leaving her bag with him. In the mirror, she stared at herself, wondering what she had let herself get into. On one hand it was thrilling. Throwing caution to the wind was empowering. But on the other hand she felt like she was setting herself up for a fall. That she was foolish, and had been unwise in her decision to let things progress so much with Shane. This couldn't end well, could it? Then again, nothing really lasted forever. Maybe the finiteness was part of the appeal. He'd never get a chance to see her crazy, nor she his. It could stay this close to perfect for its duration.
Steeling herself, Keira left the restroom and returned to the table. When she got back she discovered that her laptop was out on the table.
"What are you doing?" she asked, shocked, rushing toward Shane.
"I just wanted to see what you'd been writing," he replied innocently.
Keira snapped the lid shut. "Well, don't. It's private!"
"How can it be private?" he said, laughing. "You're publishing it for the world to read."
But Keira didn't see the funny side. Shane had come far too close to catching her out. It rattled her.
"Yeah, once it's been edited," Keira replied. "I don't want you seeing it in its first draft state."
It was half a lie. Though her first drafts were indeed embarrassingly awful, her main reason was because she didn't want Shane to see what she'd written. Without an explanation, and taken out of context, it would paint her in a pretty bad light. Come to think of it, even with an explanation it made her look awful.
"Besides, it's for a very specific audience. Are you an unmarried American in the twenty-four to thirty-four bracket? No? Didn't think so."
She sat down with a huff, folding her arms.
"I'm sorry," Shane said, clearly picking up on the fact he'd upset her. "I won't snoop again. I was just curious. You're always so busy I just wanted to see what with. I mean you've seen me play the fiddle but I haven't seen so much as a single sentence you've written. And you've seen me doing my tour guiding job. I'd love to see you in your reporter role."
"Maybe another time," Keira said stiffly.
They finished their food, their mood more somber than it had been when they'd come. Keira felt terribly guilty for her part in it. If she wasn't such a snake with so much to hide, Shane wouldn't have actually done anything wrong at all.
They headed back to Lisdoonvarna in the car. This time Keira kept her phone with her. The laptop incident was far too close for comfort. What if Nina messaged her an edited sentence, or some feedback on something cruel she'd said. If Shane saw her words she'd feel terrible.
They arrived back at the town and Keira parked. When they entered the B&B, they saw that Orin had finally decided to make a reappearance. He looked a bit uncomfortable as he glanced at them both, but he was as friendly as ever.
"Drinks?" he asked.
"Bit early for me," Keira said. "And I've got some edits to work on. I'll just settle in the corner with my laptop. You two go ahead."
As Orin poured a pint for himself and one for Shane, Keira increased the distance between them. She felt so terrible about double crossing everyone that it was almost unbearable to share in their revelry. Had she let herself get carried away with the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing? When Shane was just a sexy guy she had the hots for, things were a bit more simple. At least she didn't feel like she owed him anything, like honesty. The thought turned her stomach.
Keira looked through Nina's last email, which contained edits for the piece she'd sent that morning. To her relief, it was good news. Joshua actually liked it and wanted her to carry on in that same way.
"Did he really use the word 'like'?" Keira messaged Nina.
Her reply came. "I know. I think the doctor's increased his dose of Advil though, so don't take it to heart."
Keira laughed to herself. It was nice to be in contact with Nina. It grounded her, reminded her where she'd come from and why she was here. Without her friend's dry sense of humor and regular updates Keira might have gotten even more carried away with herself than she already had.
She busied herself on her laptop in the corner as Shane and Orin drank and chatted happily.
"So, Keira," Orin called over to her. "Shane tells me you're a bit protective over your writing."
"Just the bad stuff," she called back.
She really didn't want this to be the topic of conversation again and tried her best not to rise to the bait. She was feeling bad enough as it was about what she'd sent off. But Orin, like Shane, wasn't about to drop it.
"It doesn't have to be a first draft," he suggested. "What about something that was printed in last month's magazine?"
Keira tensed. This was getting far too close for comfort. But what choice did she have? Her excuse to Shane earlier had been that she didn't want him reading anything incomplete. No first drafts. But last month's magazine had her writing in it, and the month before that. Maybe if she just pulled up the Viatorum website she'd be able to show them a small snippet of work. Maybe that would be enough to get them off her back.
"Fine," she relented. "Here's a piece I wrote for a parade last month. It's not very good, I must warn you."
Shane and Orin came over. They looked impressed by the website's slick design, though Keira knew that Shane at the very least would be thinking it was snooty.
Suddenly, Shane reached forward and snatched up the laptop, yanking it away from her grasp. He was giggling like it was some joke, and Keira realized as she looked up at Orin's smiling face that they had planned this. They'd ganged up on her in order to steal her laptop and see what she'd written about the festival.
"Don't!" Keira pleaded.
They had no idea. They thought this was innocent fun. They thought they were just playing with her, breaking down her modesty. But Keira knew the truth. Her stomach swirled with fear at what she knew was about to happen.
It was too late. Shane began to read aloud from the latest snarky piece she'd sent. His voice went from lilting and jovial to quiet, despondent, and deeply hurt.
"Suffocating Irish hospitality?" he read, looking up at her with sad, betrayed eyes. "Gritty, dark dive? Is that what you think of us?"
"I'm sorry," Keira whispered, her stomach sinking.
Shane looked at her with a pained expression. "What's this? Why are you being so mean?"
"It was my assignment," Keira tried to explain. "But it's not really how I feel. I'm supposed to act all snobbish for the article, that's all. It's not me. I'm sorry."
"So you're saying it doesn't count because you don't mean it?" Shane shot back, sounding upset.
"I'm so sorry," Keira repeated. It was all she could think to say. "I know it's no kind of an excuse."
"You can say that again," Shane said. "You're completely trashing us. I thought this was supposed to be a tourism magazine. What kind of tourism magazine trashes the places it reviews?"
Keira bit down on her lip. "It's less tourism and more, um, travel and lifestyle, I guess?"
"Sarcastic travel and ironic lifestyle," Shane said. "What's the point of that?"
Keira felt terrible. She shrugged. "I don't know. It's stupid. Shallow. And I've been a fool for letting myself get wrapped up in it. What can I say to make it up to you? To you both. Other than that I'm truly sorry."
Orin spoke up. "You really think sorry is enough? I put my heart and soul into this B&B. This could ruin me."
She looked over at him. He looked so disappointed in her. She felt just as disappointed in herself.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. "I would never have done anything that I thought could hurt the business. Not that many people read the magazine. I don't think it would influence them. I mean our readers wouldn't come to a place like this in the first place." Keira snapped her mouth shut, realizing how bad what she'd just said sounded, and how the two of them were going to construe it.
Shane looked at her coolly. "A place like this?" he repeated.
Keira felt cold all over. Now she'd really blown it.
Shane downed the last dregs of his beer and swept up his coat from his stool.
"Where are you going?" Keira said, her stomach dropping with dread.
Shane kept his voice quiet. "You don't need a guide anymore. You've seen everything there is to see. I think it's best if we part ways now. You can handle this on your own."
"Shane!" Keira called out, reaching for him, feeling regretful.
It was no use. He turned and left the pub. Keira looked back at Orin. He shook his head and averted his gaze.
Keira felt as if her whole world had suddenly fallen away beneath her feet.
She ran for the door to the corridor and pulled it open, thundering upstairs to her room. Once inside, she grabbed her phone and rang Bryn.
When her sister answered, Keira let her tears fall.
"Sis," Bryn said, gently. "What's happened? Is it Shane?"
"Yes," Keira admitted. "But not just Shane. Orin too. They read my article and now they hate me."
"Isn't Orin like an old man?" Bryn said, sounding confused. "Why do you care what his opinion is?"
"Because he's my friend." Keira's chest felt heavy with guilt and shame. "I honestly don't know if I can stay here anymore. It's Orin's pub. And what's the point? I can't write anything good. Now that everyone hates me I don't see the point in staying here."
"So what if some people hate you?" Bryn challenged her. "You're not there to make friends! You're there for your career. Nothing's changed. It's just gone back to how it was when you first arrived."
"I've changed, Bryn," Keira wailed. "I don't even know how to write anymore. This is useless."
"I don't believe that," Bryn replied, refuting her claim. "You're an amazing writer, sis. Always have been. And you're a fighter. You don't run from your problems, you face them head on. Talk to Shane. Stick this out."
Keira sniffed loudly. "I thought you thought he was a player. A rebound. What do you care if I work things out with him or not?"
"I don't know," Bryn said, exhaling loudly. "It just sounds like you're having an amazing time and enjoying the company of an amazing guy. Don't let this one little thing get in the way of that. What's here for you in New York City to come back to anyway? You'll be sleeping on my couch!"
"Great," Keira huffed, pouting. "So I'm basically stuck between a rock and hard place."
"You never know what might happen," Bryn said. "Go and weave some of your word magic with Shane. I'm sure you can win him over."
But Keira wasn't quite so sure she could. She didn't think there was any coming back from this. Shane had looked so hurt. He would never forgive her. She'd ruined the one good thing she had going for her.
