Left alone in the conference room together, Avery and Dylan sat across from each other for a few moments in absolute silence. Neither one of them moved. His head was low. A grimace lined his face and he seemed to be mulling something over. For the first time, Avery felt some sympathy for him.
"I know what it's like-" she began.
Dylan stood up so fast and stiffly that his chair slid back and hit the wall.
"Don't think this changes anything," he said. "You and I are nothing alike."
Although his menacing body language emanated anger and distance, his eyes said something different. Avery was sure he was on the verge of a breakdown. Something the captain had said affected him, just like it had affected her. They were both damaged, lonely. Alone.
"Look," she offered, "I just thought."
Dylan turned away and opened the door. His profile on the way out confirmed her fears: there were tears in his bloodshot eyes.
"Dammit," she whispered.
Nights were the worst for Avery. She had no steady group of friends anymore, no real hobbies other than the job, and she was so tired that she couldn't imagine doing more legwork. By herself at the large, blond table, she hung her head low and dreaded what came next.
The way out of the office was like every other day, only there was a charged feeling in the air, and many on the force were even more emboldened by her front page story.
"Hey, Black," someone called and pointed to her cover photo. "Nice face."
Another officer tapped on the image of Howard Randall.
"This story says you two were very close, Black. You into gerontophilia? You know what that means? It means you like to fuck old people."
"You guys are hilarious." She smiled and shot her fingers out like guns.
"Fuck you, Black."
* * *
A white BMW was parked in the garage; five years old, dirty and worn. Avery had bought it at the height of her success as a defense attorney.
What were you thinking? she mused. Why would anyone buy a white car?
Success, she remembered. The white BMW had been bright and flashy, and she wanted everyone to know she was a boss. Now, it was a reminder of her failed life.
Avery's apartment was on Bolton Street in South Boston. She owned a small two-bedroom on the second floor of a two-story building. The place was a downgrade from her former penthouse high-rise, but it was spacious and neat, with a nice terrace where she could sit and relax after a hard day's work.
The living room was an open space with shaggy brown carpeting. The kitchen was to the right of the front door, and separated from the rest of the room by two large islands. There were no plants or animals. A northern exposure ensured the apartment was usually dark. Avery threw her keys on the table and shed the rest of her belongings: gun, shoulder harness, walkie-talkie, badge, belt, phone, and wallet. She undressed on the way to the shower.
After a long soak to process the events of the day, she put on a robe, grabbed a beer from the fridge, then her phone, and headed out to the terrace.
Nearly twenty missed calls flashed on her cell, along with ten new messages. Most of them were from Connelly and O'Malley. There was a lot of screaming.
Sometimes Avery was so single-minded and driven she refused to pick up for anyone that wasn't essential to her task, especially when all of the pieces hadn't been put together; today was one of those days.
She scrolled down through last numbers dialed-and all the people that had called her in the past month. Not a single one was her daughter, or her ex-husband.
Suddenly, she missed them both.
Numbers were dialed.
The phone rang.
A message answered: "Hi, this is Rose. I'm not here right now to take your call, but if you leave a brief message, and your name and number, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks so much." Beep.
Avery hung up.
She toyed with the idea of calling Jack, her ex. He was a good man, her college sweetheart with a heart of gold: a truly decent person. They'd had a torrid affair when she was eighteen, and she, with a sickening ego after her dream job, had ruined everything.
For years, she blamed other people about the split, and for the rift with her daughter: Howard Randall for his lies, her old boss, the money, the power, and all those people she had to constantly entertain and beguile to stay one step ahead of the truth: Little by little, her clients had become less reliable, and still she wanted to keep going, to ignore the truth, to bend justice one way or the other-simply to win. Only one more case, she often told herself. Next time, I'll defend someone truly innocent and set the record straight.
Howard Randall had been that case.
I'm innocent, he'd cried at their first meeting. These students are my life. Why would I hurt one of them?
Avery had believed him, and for the first time in a long time, she had begun to believe in herself. Randall was a world-renowned psychology professor at Harvard, in his sixties, with no motive and no known history of his unhinged personal beliefs. More than that, he appeared weak and broken, and Avery had always wanted to defend the weak.
When she got him off, it was the highlight of her career, the highest of heights-that is, until he purposely killed again to expose her as a fraud.
All Avery had wanted to know was: why?
Why would you it? she'd asked him once in his cell. Why would you lie and set me up, just to go to prison for the rest of your life?
Because I knew you could be saved, Howard had replied.
Saved, Avery thought.
Is this salvation? she wondered and viewed her surroundings. Here? Now? No friends? No family? A beer in hand and a new life hunting down killers to make amends for my past? She took a swig of her drink and shook her head. No, this isn't salvation. At least not yet.
Her thoughts turned to the killer.
A picture of him had begun to form in her mind: quiet, lonely, desperate for attention, a specialist with herbs and corpses. She ruled out an alcoholic or drug addict. He was too careful. The minivan harked to a family, but his actions seemed to indicate a family was what he wanted, not what he had.
Her mind swirling with thoughts and images, Avery downed two more beers before she suddenly fell asleep in her cozy outdoor chair.
