`Not disappointed in him, but in my own feeling; I had expected more. I had expected a rush of new delightful emotion to come as a surprise.
And then instead of that - disgust, pity...'
She listened attentively, looking at him over the baby, while she put back on her slender fingers the rings she had taken off while giving Mitia his bath.
`And most of all, at there being far more apprehension and pity than pleasure. Today, after that fright during the storm, I understand how I love him.'
Kitty's smile was radiant.
`Were you very much frightened?' she said. `So was I, too, but I feel it more now that it's over. I'm going to look at the oak. How charming Katavassov is! And what a happy day we've had altogether. And you're so amiable with Sergei Ivanovich, when you care to be... Well, go back to them. It's always so hot and steamy here after the bath....'
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TOLSTOY: Anna Karenina Part 8, Chapter 19[Previous Chapter] [Table of Contents] Chapter 19 Going out of the nursery and being again alone, Levin went back at once to the thought, in which there was something not clear.
Instead of going into the drawing room, where he heard voices, he stopped on the terrace, and, leaning his elbows on the parapet, he gazed up at the sky.
It was quite dark now, and in the south, where he was looking, there were no clouds. The storm had drifted on to the opposite side of the sky, and there were flashes of lightning and distant thunder from that quarter. Levin listened to the monotonous drip from the linden trees in the garden, and looked at the triangle of stars he knew so well, and the Milky Way with its branches, that ran through its midst. At each flash of lightning the Milky Way, and even the bright stars, vanished, but as soon as the lightning died away, they reappeared in their places as though some hand had flung them back with careful aim.
`Well, what is it that perplexes me?' Levin said to himself, feeling beforehand that the solution of his difficulties was ready in his soul, though he did not know it yet.
`Yes, the one unmistakable, incontestable manifestation of the Divinity is the law of right and wrong, which has come into the world by revelation, and which I feel within myself, and in the recognition of which I not so much make myself but, willy-nilly, am made, one with other men in one body of believers, which is called the Church. Well, but the Jews, the Mohammedans, the Confucians, the Buddhists - what of them?' he put to himself the question he had feared to face. `Can these hundreds of millions of men be deprived of that highest blessing without which life has no meaning?'
He pondered a moment, but immediately corrected himself. `But what am Iquestioning?' he said to himself. `I am questioning the relation to Divinity of all the different religions of all mankind. I am questioning the universal manifestation of God to all the world with all these nebulae. What am Iabout? To me individually, to my heart has been revealed a knowledge beyond all doubt, and unattainable by reason, and here I am obstinately trying to express that knowledge in reason and words.
