"In the first place, my dear friend, I have kept Arthur for the last week to a regimen of kicks on the shin and perpetual wrangling and jarring; in short, all we have that is most disagreeable in our business. 'You are ill,' he says to me with paternal sweetness, 'for Ihave been good to you always and I love you to adoration.' 'You are to blame for one thing, my dear,' I answered; 'you bore me.' 'Well, if Ido, haven't you the wittiest and handsomest young man in Paris to amuse you?' said the poor man. I was caught. I actually felt I loved him.""Ah!" said Maxime.
"How could I help it? Feeling is stronger than we; one can't resist such things. So I changed pedals. I began to entice my judicial wild-boar, now turned like Arthur to a sheep; I gave him Arthur's sofa.
Heavens! how he bored me. But, you understand, I had to have Fabien there to let Arthur surprise us.""Well," cried Maxime, "go on; what happened? Was Arthur furious?""You know nothing about it, my old fellow. When Arthur came in and 'surprised' us, Fabien and me, he retreated on the tips of his toes to the dining-room, where he began to clear his throat, 'broum, broum!'
and cough, and knock the chairs about. That great fool of a Fabien, to whom, of course, I can't explain the whole matter, was frightened.
There, my dear Maxime, is the point we have reached."Maxime nodded his head, and played for a few moments with his cane.
"I have known such natures," he said. "And the only way for you to do is to pitch Arthur out of the window and lock the door upon him. This is how you must manage it. Play that scene over again with Fabien;when Arthur surprises you, give Fabien a glance Arthur can't mistake;if he gets angry, that will end the matter; if he still says, 'broum, broum!' it is just as good; you can end it a better way.""How?"
"Why, get angry, and say: 'I believed you loved me, respected me; but I see you've no feeling at all, not even jealousy,'--you know the tirade. 'In a case like this, Maxime' (bring me in) 'would kill his man on the spot' (then weep). 'And Fabien, he' (mortify him by comparing him with that fellow), 'Fabien whom I love, Fabien would have drawn a dagger and stabbed you to the heart. Ah, that's what it is to love! Farewell, monsieur; take back your house and all your property; I shall marry Fabien; /he/ gives me his name; /he/ marries me in spite of his old mother--but /you/--'""I see! I see!" cried Madame Schontz. "I'll be superb! Ah! Maxime, there will never be but one Maxime, just as there's only one de Marsay.""La Palferine is better than I," replied the Comte de Trailles, modestly. "He'll make his mark.""La Palferine has tongue, but you have fist and loins. What weights you've carried! what cuffs you've given!""La Palferine has all that, too; he is deep and he is educated, whereas I am ignorant," replied Maxime. "I have seen Rastignac, who has made an arrangement with the Keeper of the Seals. Fabien is to be appointed chief-justice at once, and officer of the Legion of honor after one year's service.""I shall make myself /devote/," said Madame Schontz, accenting that speech in a manner which obtained a nod of approbation from Maxime.
"Priests can do more than even we," he replied sententiously.
"Ah! can they?" said Madame Schontz. "Then I may still find some one in the provinces fit to talk to. I've already begun my role. Fabien has written to his mother that grace has enlightened me; and he has fascinated the good woman with my million and the chief-justiceship.
She consents that we shall live with her, and sends me her portrait, and wants mine. If Cupid looked at hers he would die on the spot.
Come, go away, Maxime. I must put an end to my poor Arthur to-night, and it breaks my heart."Two days later, as they met on the threshold of the Jockey Club, Charles-Edouard said to Maxime, "It is done."The words, which contained a drama accomplished in part by vengeance, made Maxime smile.
"Now come in and listen to Rochefide bemoaning himself; for you and Aurelie have both touched goal together. Aurelie has just turned Arthur out of doors, and now it is our business to get him a home. He must give Madame du Ronceret three hundred thousand francs and take back his wife; you and I must prove to him that Beatrix is superior to Aurelie.""We have ten days before us to do it in," said Charles-Edouard, "and in all conscience that's not too much.""What will you do when the shell bursts?"
"A man has always mind enough, give him time to collect it; I'm superb at that sort of preparation."The two conspirators entered the salon together, and found Rochefide aged by two years; he had not even put on his corset, his beard had sprouted, and all his elegance was gone.
"Well, my dear marquis?" said Maxime.
"Ah, my dear fellow, my life is wrecked."
Arthur talked for ten minutes, and Maxime listened gravely, thinking all the while of his own marriage, which was now to take place within a week.
"My dear Arthur," he replied at last; "I told you the only means Iknew to keep Aurelie, but you wouldn't--"
"What was it?"
"Didn't I advise you to go and sup with Antonia?""Yes, you did. But how could I? I love, and you, you only make love--""Listen to me, Arthur; give Aurelie three hundred thousand francs for that little house, and I'll promise to find some one to suit you better. I'll talk to you about it later, for there's d'Ajuda making signs that he wants to speak to me."And Maxime left the inconsolable man for the representative of a family in need of consolation.
"My dear fellow," said d'Ajuda in his ear, "the duchess is in despair.
Calyste is having his trunks packed secretly, and he has taken out a passport. Sabine wants to follow them, surprise Beatrix, and maul her.
