My regiment left New York by night in a flare of torch and rocket.
The streets were lined with crowds now hardened to the sound of fife and drum and the pomp of military preparation. I had a very high and mighty feeling in me that wore away in the discomfort of travel. For hours after the train started we sang and told stories, and ate peanuts and pulled and hauled at each other in a cloud of tobacco smoke. The train was sidetracked here and there, and dragged along at a slow pace.
Young men with no appreciation, as it seemed to me, of the sad business we were off upon, went roistering up and down the aisles, drinking out of bottles and chasing around the train as it halted.
These revellers grew quiet as the night wore on. The boys began to dose their eyes and lie back for rest. Some lay in the aisle. their heads upon their knapsacks. The air grew chilly and soon I could hear them snoring all about me and the chatter of frogs in the near marshes. I closed my eyes and vainly courted sleep. A great sadness had lain hold of me. I had already given up my life for my country - I was only going away now to get as dear a price for it as possible in the hood of its enemies. When and where would it be taken? I wondered. The fear had mostly gone out of me in days and nights of solemn thinking. The feeling I had, with its flavour of religion, is what has made the volunteer the mighty soldier he has ever been, I take it, since Naseby and Marston Moor. The soul is the great Captain, and with a just quarrel it will warm its sword in the enemy, however he may be trained to thrust and parry. In my sacrifice there was but one reservation - I hoped I should not be horribly cut with a sword or a bayonet. I had written a long letter to Hope, who was yet at Leipzig. I wondered if she would care what became of me. I got a sense of comfort thinking I would show her that I was no coward, with all my littleness. I had not been able to write to Uncle Eb or to my father or mother in any serious tone of my feeling in this enterprise. I had treated it as a kind of holiday from which I should return shortly to visit them.
All about me seemed to be sleeping - some of them were talking in their dreams. As it grew light, one after another rose and stretched himself, rousing his seat companion. The train halted, a man shot a musket voice in at the car door. It was loaded with the many syllables of 'Annapolis Junction . We were pouring out of the train shortly, to bivouac for breakfastin the depot yard. So I began the life of a soldier, and how it ended with me many have read in better books than this, but my story of it is here and only here.
We went into camp there on the lonely flats of east Maryland for a day or two, as we supposed, but really for quite two weeks. In the long delay that followed, my way traversed the dead levels of routine. When Southern sympathy had ceased to wreak its wrath upon the railroads about Baltimore we pushed on to Washington.
There I got letters from Uncle Eb and Elizabeth Brower. The former I have now in my box of treasures - a torn and faded remnant of that dark period.
DEAR SIR'pen in hand to hat you know that we are all wel. also that we was sorry you could not come horn. They took on terribul.
Hope she wrote a letter. Said she had not herd from you. also that somebody wrote to her you was goin to be married. You had oughter write her a letter, Bill. Looks to me so you hain't used her right. Shes a comm horn in July. Sowed corn to day in the gardin.
David is off byin catul. I hope God will take care uv you, boy, so goodbye from yours truly EBEN HOLDEN I wrote immediately to Unde Eb and told him of the letters I had sent to Hope, and of my effort to see her.
Late in May, after Virginia had seceded, some thirty thousand of us were sent over to the south side of the Potomac, where for weeks we tore the flowery fields, lining the shore with long entrenchments.
Meantime I wrote three letters to Mr Greeley, and had the satisfaction of seeing them in the Tribune. I took much interest in the camp drill, and before we crossed the river I had been raised to the rank of first lieutenant. Every day we were looking for the big army of Beauregard, camping below Centreville, some thirty miles south.
Almost every night a nervous picket set the camp in uproar by challenging a phantom of his imagination. We were all impatient as hounds in leash. Since they would not come up and give us battle we wanted to be off and have it out with them. And the people were tired of delay. The cry of 'ste'boy!'was ringing all over the north. They wanted to cut us loose and be through with dallying.
Well, one night the order came; we were to go south in the morning - thirty thousand of us, and put an end to the war. We did not get away until afternoon - it was the 6th of July. When we were off, horse and foot, so that I could see miles of the blue column before and behind me, I felt sorry for the mistaken South.
On the evening of the i8th our camp-fires on either side of the pike at Centreville glowed like the lights of a city. We knew the enemy was near, and began to feel a tightening of the nerves. I wrote a letter to the folks at home for post mortem delivery, and put it into my trousers'pocket. A friend in my company called me aside after mess.
'Feel of that,'he said, laying his hand on a full breast.
'Feathers!'he whispered significantly. 'Balls can't go through 'em, ye know. Better n a steel breastplate! Want some?
'Don't know but I do,'said I.
We went into his tent, where he had a little sack full, and put a good wad of them between my two shirts.
'I hate the idee o'bein'hit 'n the heart,'he said. 'That's too awful.
I nodded my assent.
'Shouldn't like t'have a ball in my lungs, either,'he added. ' 'Tain't necessary fer a man t'die if he can only breathe. If a man gits his leg shot off an'don't lose his head an'keeps drawin'his breath right along smooth an even, I don't see why he can't live.
Taps sounded. We went asleep with our boots on, but nothing happened.
