It was like listening to a child babbling of its hoard of shells.
It was like watching a fool playing with buttons.But I was expected to do more than listen or watch.He demanded that Ishould admire;and the utmost that I could say was:--"Are these things so?Then I am very sorry for you."That made him angry,and he said that insular envy made me unresponsive.So,you see,I could not make him understand.
About four and a half hours after Adam was turned out of the Garden of Eden he felt hungry,and so,bidding Eve take care that her head was not broken by the descending fruit,shinned up a cocoanut-palm.That hurt his legs,cut his breast,and made him breathe heavily,and Eve was tormented with fear lest her lord should miss his footing,and so bring the tragedy of this world to an end ere the curtain had fairly risen.Had I met Adam then,I should have been sorry for him.To-day I find eleven hundred thousand of his sons just as far advanced as their father in the art of getting food,and immeasurably inferior to him in that they think that their palm-trees lead straight to the skies.
Consequently,I am sorry in rather more than a million different ways.
In the East bread comes naturally,even to the poorest,by a little scratching or the gift of a friend not quite so poor.In less favored countries one is apt to forget.Then I went to bed.
And that was on a Saturday night.
Sunday brought me the queerest experiences of all--a revelation of barbarism complete.I found a place that was officially described as a church.It was a circus really,but that the worshippers did not know.There were flowers all about the building,which was fitted up with plush and stained oak and much luxury,including twisted brass candlesticks of severest Gothic design.
To these things and a congregation of savages entered suddenly a wonderful man,completely in the confidence of their God,whom he treated colloquially and exploited very much as a newspaper reporter would exploit a foreign potentate.But,unlike the newspaper reporter,he never allowed his listeners to forget that he,and not He,was the centre of attraction.With a voice of silver and with imagery borrowed from the auction-room,he built up for his hearers a heaven on the lines of the Palmer House (but with all the gilding real gold,and all the plate-glass diamond),and set in the centre of it a loud-voiced,argumentative,very shrewd creation that he called God.One sentence at this point caught my delighted ear.It was apropos of some question of the Judgment,and ran:--"No!I tell you God doesn't do business that way."He was giving them a deity whom they could comprehend,and a gold and jewelled heaven in which they could take a natural interest.
He interlarded his performance with the slang of the streets,the counter,and the exchange,and he said that religion ought to enter into daily life.Consequently,I presume he introduced it as daily life--his own and the life of his friends.
Then I escaped before the blessing,desiring no benediction at such hands.But the persons who listened seemed to enjoy themselves,and I understood that I had met with a popular preacher.
Later on,when I had perused the sermons of a gentleman called Talmage and some others,I perceived that I had been listening to a very mild specimen.Yet that man,with his brutal gold and silver idols,his hands-in-pocket,cigar-in-mouth,and hat-on-the-back-of-the-head style of dealing with the sacred vessels,would count himself,spiritually,quite competent to send a mission to convert the Indians.
All that Sunday I listened to people who said that the mere fact of spiking down strips of iron to wood,and getting a steam and iron thing to run along them was progress,that the telephone was progress,and the net-work of wires overhead was progress.They repeated their statements again and again.
One of them took me to their City Hall and Board of Trade works,and pointed it out with pride.It was very ugly,but very big,and the streets in front of it were narrow and unclean.When Isaw the faces of the men who did business in that building,Ifelt that there had been a mistake in their billeting.
By the way,'tis a consolation to feel that I am not writing to an English audience.Then I should have to fall into feigned ecstasies over the marvellous progress of Chicago since the days of the great fire,to allude casually to the raising of the entire city so many feet above the level of the lake which it faces,and generally to grovel before the golden calf.But you,who are desperately poor,and therefore by these standards of no ac-count,know things,will understand when I write that they have managed to get a million of men together on flat land,and that the bulk of these men together appear to be lower than Mahajans and not so companionable as a Punjabi Jat after harvest.
But I don't think it was the blind hurry of the people,their argot,and their grand ignorance of things beyond their immediate interests that displeased me so much as a study of the daily papers of Chicago.
Imprimis,there was some sort of a dispute between New York and Chicago as to which town should give an exhibition of products to be hereafter holden,and through the medium of their more dignified journals the two cities were yahooing and hi-yi-ing at each other like opposition newsboys.They called it humor,but it sounded like something quite different.
