登陆注册
5142000000001

第1章

In the autumn month of September, eighteen hundred and fifty-seven, wherein these presents bear date, two idle apprentices, exhausted by the long, hot summer, and the long, hot work it had brought with it, ran away from their employer.They were bound to a highly meritorious lady (named Literature), of fair credit and repute, though, it must be acknowledged, not quite so highly esteemed in the City as she might be.This is the more remarkable, as there is nothing against the respectable lady in that quarter, but quite the contrary; her family having rendered eminent service to many famous citizens of London.It may be sufficient to name Sir William Walworth, Lord Mayor under King Richard II., at the time of Wat Tyler's insurrection, and Sir Richard Whittington: which latter distinguished man and magistrate was doubtless indebted to the lady's family for the gift of his celebrated cat.There is also strong reason to suppose that they rang the Highgate bells for him with their own hands.

The misguided young men who thus shirked their duty to the mistress from whom they had received many favours, were actuated by the low idea of making a perfectly idle trip, in any direction.They had no intention of going anywhere in particular; they wanted to see nothing, they wanted to know nothing, they wanted to learn nothing, they wanted to do nothing.They wanted only to be idle.They took to themselves (after HOGARTH), the names of Mr.Thomas Idle and Mr.Francis Goodchild; but there was not a moral pin to choose between them, and they were both idle in the last degree.

Between Francis and Thomas, however, there was this difference of character: Goodchild was laboriously idle, and would take upon himself any amount of pains and labour to assure himself that he was idle; in short, had no better idea of idleness than that it was useless industry.Thomas Idle, on the other hand, was an idler of the unmixed Irish or Neapolitan type; a passive idler, a born-and- bred idler, a consistent idler, who practised what he would have preached if he had not been too idle to preach; a one entire and perfect chrysolite of idleness.

The two idle apprentices found themselves, within a few hours of their escape, walking down into the North of England, that is to say, Thomas was lying in a meadow, looking at the railway trains as they passed over a distant viaduct - which was HIS idea of walking down into the North; while Francis was walking a mile due South against time - which was HIS idea of walking down into the North.In the meantime the day waned, and the milestones remained unconquered.

'Tom,' said Goodchild, 'the sun is getting low.Up, and let us go forward!'

'Nay,' quoth Thomas Idle, 'I have not done with Annie Laurie yet.' And he proceeded with that idle but popular ballad, to the effect that for the bonnie young person of that name he would 'lay him doon and dee' - equivalent, in prose, to lay him down and die.

'What an ass that fellow was!' cried Goodchild, with the bitter emphasis of contempt.

'Which fellow?' asked Thomas Idle.

'The fellow in your song.Lay him doon and dee! Finely he'd show off before the girl by doing THAT.A sniveller! Why couldn't he get up, and punch somebody's head!'

'Whose?' asked Thomas Idle.

'Anybody's.Everybody's would be better than nobody's! If I fell into that state of mind about a girl, do you think I'd lay me doon and dee? No, sir,' proceeded Goodchild, with a disparaging assumption of the Scottish accent, 'I'd get me oop and peetch into somebody.Wouldn't you?'

'I wouldn't have anything to do with her,' yawned Thomas Idle.'Why should I take the trouble?'

'It's no trouble, Tom, to fall in love,' said Goodchild, shaking his head.'It's trouble enough to fall out of it, once you're in it,' retorted Tom.

'So I keep out of it altogether.It would be better for you, if you did the same.'

Mr.Goodchild, who is always in love with somebody, and not unfrequently with several objects at once, made no reply.He heaved a sigh of the kind which is termed by the lower orders 'a bellowser,' and then,heaving Mr.Idle on his feet (who was not half so heavy as the sigh), urged him northward.

These two had sent their personal baggage on by train: only retaining each a knapsack.Idle now applied himself to constantly regretting the train, to tracking it through the intricacies of Bradshaw's Guide, and finding out where it is now - and where now - and where now - and to asking what was the use of walking, when you could ride at such a pace as that.Was it to see the country? If that was the object, look at it out of the carriage windows.There was a great deal more of it to be seen there than here.Besides, who wanted to see the country? Nobody.And again, whoever did walk? Nobody.Fellows set off to walk, but they never did it.They came back and said they did, but they didn't.Then why should he walk?He wouldn't walk. He swore it by this milestone!

It was the fifth from London, so far had they penetrated into the North.Submitting to the powerful chain of argument, Goodchild proposed a return to the Metropolis, and a falling back upon Euston Square Terminus.Thomas assented with alacrity, and so they walked down into the North by the next morning's express, and carried their knapsacks in the luggage- van.

同类推荐
  • 竹山词

    竹山词

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 奉天靖難記

    奉天靖難記

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 炮炙全书

    炮炙全书

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 书斋夜话

    书斋夜话

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 最胜问菩萨十住除垢断结经卷第一(一名十千日光三昧定)

    最胜问菩萨十住除垢断结经卷第一(一名十千日光三昧定)

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 北朝奸佞

    北朝奸佞

    重生北齐,却未想此身竟是一个败尽家财的败家子,甚至连不离不弃的小丫鬟都抵给了妓院。刚刚重生的张忘,第一个紧要问题就是如何保住自己的小丫鬟。第二便是如何在这被称之为“禽兽王朝”的北齐活下去。书友群:254418550欢迎加入。
  • 盛宠那些年

    盛宠那些年

    新书《穿成白切黑皇子的小祖宗》已发,欢迎支持。偏执皇子独家宠爱。三皇子魏廷烁与四皇子魏廷煜苦恋宰相嫡女柳怜星。花样百出使尽心机与手段,甚至不惜囚了她将她困在身边。究竟鹿死谁手呢?“爱你的心成了执念,我已不能再放手。”“你是我的,别人看一眼都是抢,乖乖留在我身边。”天子一怒为红颜,三千宠爱于一身。究竟最后谁能问鼎皇座抱得美人归?柳怜星又会如何抉择呢?
  • 八美图

    八美图

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 灭世神焰

    灭世神焰

    “所有人都会死,包括我。”新书《夜斗天王》
  • 我的失忆娘子

    我的失忆娘子

    一块砖头拍出来一段穿越,原本以为在这里父母双全是顶好的事情。可是没有想到,娘是每天能哭出瀑布的女人,爹又是个唯利是图的奸商加暴力狂,不仅每天当她是空中飞人甩来甩去,更可恶的是要将她许配给一个......魔鬼......恶念退散,恶念退散......
  • 苍流记

    苍流记

    一个人族的普通傻小子,竟然获得妖族大能的青睐,习得妖族的功法?你以为这就完了?人族顶尖功法,我要了。灵族的万法本源——灵树,我搬走了。顺便再完成一下三族大一统,美滋滋。
  • 侦察兵

    侦察兵

    莲花山地处偏僻,海拔虽然不算高,但是面积却最广,一座座山头连绵不断,这样的地形最有利于陆军部队驻防。
  • 佛说观佛三昧海经

    佛说观佛三昧海经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 名人传记丛书:诸葛亮

    名人传记丛书:诸葛亮

    名人传记丛书——诸葛亮——蜀地崛起的中国龙:“立足课本,超越课堂”,以提高中小学生的综合素质为目的,让中小学生从课内受益到课外,是一生的良师益友。
  • 三国鸿蒙道

    三国鸿蒙道

    洪荒初年,动乱不堪,爆发了洪荒之难,龙凤初劫两大灾难,后巫妖争斗不休,妖帝帝俊,妖皇东皇太一和十二祖巫双双身陨,洪荒破乱不开,鸿钧道祖现,修补洪荒大地。