How could I tell her that what she had said had astonished me, had distressed me, had suggested to me that she was in a state of dangerous nervous excitement, had even roused a moment's doubt in my mind whether the loss of the jewel was as much a mystery to her as to the rest of us -- but had never once given me so much as a glimpse at the truth? Without the shadow of a proof to produce in vindication of my innocence, how could I persuade her that I knew no more than the veriest stranger could have known of what was really in her thoughts when she spoke to me on the terrace?
`It may suit your convenience to forget; it suits my convenience to remember,' she went on.`I know what I said -- for I considered it with myself, before I said it.I gave you one opportunity after another of owning the truth.I left nothing unsaid that I could say -- short of actually telling you that I knew you had committed the theft.And all the return you made, was to look at me with your vile pretence of astonishment, and your false face of innocence -- just as you have looked at me to-day; just as you are looking at me now! I left you, that morning, knowing you at last for what you were -- for what you are -- as base a wretch as ever walked the earth!'
`If you had spoken out at the time, you might have left me, Rachel, knowing that you had cruelly wronged an innocent man.'
`If I had spoken out before other people,' she retorted, with another burst of indignation, `you would have been disgraced for life! If I had spoken out to no ears but yours, you would have denied it, as you are denying it now! Do you think I should have believed you? Would a man hesitate at a lie, who had done what I saw you do -- who had behaved about it afterwards, as I saw you behave? I tell you again, I shrank from the horror of hearing you lie, after the horror of seeing you thieve.You talk as if this was a misunderstanding which a few words might have set right! Well! the misunderstanding is at an end.Is the thing set right?
No! the thing is just where it was.I don't believe you now ! I don't believe you found the nightgown, I don't believe in Rosanna Spearman's letter, I don't believe a word you have said.You stole it -- I saw you!
You affected to help the police -- I saw you! You pledged the Diamond to the moneylender in London -- I am sure of it! You cast the suspicion of your disgrace (thanks to my base silence)! on an innocent man! You fled to the Continent with your plunder the next morning! After all that vileness, there was but one thing more you could do.You could come here with a last falsehood on your lips -- you could come here, and tell me that I have wronged you!'
If I had stayed a moment more, I know not what words might have escaped me which I should have remembered with vain repentance and regret.I passed by her, and opened the door for the second time.For the second time --with the frantic perversity of a roused woman -- she caught me by the arm, and barred my way out.
`Let me go, Rachel,' I said.`It will be better for both of us.Let me go.'
The hysterical passion swelled in her bosom -- her quickened convulsive breathing almost beat on my face, as she held me back at the door.
`Why did you come here?' she persisted, desperately.`I ask you again -- why did you come here? Are you afraid I shall expose you? Now you are a rich man, now you have got a place in the world, now you may marry the best lady in the land -- are you afraid I shall say the words which I have never said yet to anybody but you? I can't say the words! I can't expose you! I am worse, if worse can be, than you are yourself.' Sobs and tears burst from her.She struggled with them fiercely; she held me more and more firmly.`I can't tear you out of my heart,' she said, `even now! You may trust in the shameful, shameful weakness which can only struggle against you in this way!' She suddenly let go of me -- she threw up her hands, and wrung them frantically in the air.`Any other woman living would shrink from the disgrace of touching him!' she exclaimed.`Oh, God! I despise myself even more heartily than I despise him !'
The tears were forcing their way into my eyes in spite of me -- the horror of it was to be endured no longer.
`You shall know that you have wronged me, yet,' I said.`Or you shall never see me again!'
With those words, I left her.She started up from the chair on which she had dropped the moment before: she started up -- the noble creature!
-- and followed me across the outer room, with a last merciful word at parting.
`Franklin!' she said, `I forgive you! Oh, Franklin, Franklin! we shall never meet again.Say you forgive me !'
I turned, so as to let my face show her that I was past speaking --I turned, and waved my hand, and saw her dimly, as in a vision, through the tears that had conquered me at last.
The next moment, the worst bitterness of it was over.I was out in the garden again.I saw her, and heard her, no more.
