"Why, Mars Tom, I doan' WANT no rats.Dey's de dadblamedest creturs to 'sturb a body, en rustle roun' over 'im, en bite his feet, when he's tryin' to sleep, I ever see.No, sah, gimme g'yarter-snakes, 'f I's got to have 'm, but doan' gimme no rats; I hain' got no use f'r um, skasely.""But, Jim, you GOT to have 'em -- they all do.So don't make no more fuss about it.Prisoners ain't ever without rats.There ain't no instance of it.And they train them, and pet them, and learn them tricks, and they get to be as sociable as flies.But you got to play music to them.You got anything to play music on?""I ain' got nuffn but a coase comb en a piece o' paper, en a juice-harp;but I reck'n dey wouldn' take no stock in a juice-harp.""Yes they would.THEY don't care what kind of music 'tis.A jews-harp's plenty good enough for a rat.All animals like music -- in a prison they dote on it.Specially, painful music; and you can't get no other kind out of a jews-harp.It always interests them; they come out to see what's the matter with you.Yes, you're all right; you're fixed very well.You want to set on your bed nights before you go to sleep, and early in the mornings, and play your jewsharp; play 'The Last Link is Broken' -- that's the thing that 'll scoop a rat quicker 'n anything else; and when you've played about two minutes you'll see all the rats, and the snakes, and spiders, and things begin to feel worried about you, and come.And they'll just fairly swarm over you, and have a noble good time.""Yes, DEY will, I reck'n, Mars Tom, but what kine er time is JIM havin'?
Blest if I kin see de pint.But I'll do it ef I got to.I reck'n I better keep de animals satisfied, en not have no trouble in de house."Tom waited to think it over, and see if there wasn't nothing else; and pretty soon he says:
"Oh, there's one thing I forgot.Could you raise a flower here, do you reckon?""I doan know but maybe I could, Mars Tom; but it's tolable dark in heah, en I ain' got no use f'r no flower, nohow, en she'd be a pow'ful sight o' trouble.""Well, you try it, anyway.Some other prisoners has done it.""One er dem big cat-tail-lookin' mullen-stalks would grow in heah, Mars Tom, I reck'n, but she wouldn't be wuth half de trouble she'd coss.""Don't you believe it.We'll fetch you a little one and you plant it in the corner over there, and raise it.And don't call it mullen, call it Pitchiola -- that's its right name when it's in a prison.And you want to water it with your tears.""Why, I got plenty spring water, Mars Tom.""You don't WANT spring water; you want to water it with your tears.
It's the way they always do."
"Why, Mars Tom, I lay I kin raise one er dem mullen-stalks twyste wid spring water whiles another man's a START'N one wid tears.""That ain't the idea.You GOT to do it with tears.""She'll die on my han's, Mars Tom, she sholy will; kase I doan' skasely ever cry."So Tom was stumped.But he studied it over, and then said Jim would have to worry along the best he could with an onion.He promised he would go to the nigger cabins and drop one, private, in Jim's coffeepot, in the morning.Jim said he would "jis' 's soon have tobacker in his coffee;"and found so much fault with it, and with the work and bother of raising the mullen, and jews-harping the rats, and petting and flattering up the snakes and spiders and things, on top of all the other work he had to do on pens, and inscriptions, and journals, and things, which made it more trouble and worry and responsibility to be a prisoner than anything he ever undertook, that Tom most lost all patience with him; and said he was just loadened down with more gaudier chances than a prisoner ever had in the world to make a name for himself, and yet he didn't know enough to appreciate them, and they was just about wasted on him.So Jim he was sorry, and said he wouldn't behave so no more, and then me and Tom shoved for bed.
