Full of wise saws and modern instances.
As You Like It.
``I wish to Heaven, Hector,'' said the Antiquary, next morning after breakfast, ``you would spare our nerves, and not be keeping snapping that arquebuss of yours.''
``Well, sir, I'm sure I'm sorry to disturb you,'' said his nephew, still handling his fowling-piece;--``but it's a capital gun--it's a Joe Manton, that cost forty guineas.''
``A fool and his money are soon parted, nephew--there is a Joe Miller for your Joe Manton,'' answered the Antiquary; ``Iam glad you have so many guineas to throw away.''
``Every one has their fancy, uncle,--you are fond of books.''
``Ay, Hector,'' said the uncle, ``and if my collection were yours, you would make it fly to the gunsmith, the horse-market, the dog-breaker,--_Coemptos undique nobiles libros--mutare loricis Iberis._''
``I could not use your books, my dear uncle,'' said the young soldier, ``that's true; and you will do well to provide for their being in better hands.But don't let the faults of my head fall on my heart--I would not part with a Cordery that belonged to an old friend, to get a set of horses like Lord Glenallan's.''
``I don't think you would, lad--I don't think you would,''
said his softening relative.``I love to tease you a little sometimes; it keeps up the spirit of discipline and habit of subordination--You will pass your time happily here having me to command you, instead of Captain, or Colonel, or `Knight in Arms,' as Milton has it; and instead of the French,'' he continued, relapsing into his ironical humour, ``you have the _Gens humida ponti_--for, as Virgil says, Sternunt se somno divers
in littore phoc
;which might be rendered, Here phoc
slumber on the beach, Within our Highland Hector's reach.
Nay, if you grow angry, I have done.Besides, I see old Edie in the court-yard, with whom I have business.Good-bye, Hector--Do you remember how she splashed into the sea like her master Proteus, _et se jactu dedit
quor in altum_?''
M`Intyre,--waiting, however, till the door was shut,--then gave way to the natural impatience of his temper.
``My uncle is the best man in the world, and in his way the kindest; but rather than hear any more about that cursed _phoca,_ as he is pleased to call it, I would exchange for the West Indies, and never see his face again.''
Miss M`Intyre, gratefully attached to her uncle, and passionately fond of her brother, was, on such occasions, the usual envoy of reconciliation.She hastened to meet her uncle on his return, before he entered the parlour.
``Well, now, Miss Womankind, what is the meaning of that imploring countenance?--has Juno done any more mischief?''
``No, uncle; but Juno's master is in such fear of your joking him about the seal--I assure you, he feels it much more than you would wish;--it's very silly of him, to be sure; but then you can turn everybody so sharply into ridicule''--``Well, my dear,'' answered Oldbuck, propitiated by the compliment, ``I will rein in my satire, and, if possible, speak no more of the _phoca_--I will not even speak of sealing a letter, but say _umph,_ and give a nod to you when I want the wax-light --I am not _monitoribus asper,_ but, Heaven knows, the most mild, quiet, and easy of human beings, whom sister, niece, and nephew, guide just as best pleases them.''
With this little panegyric on his own docility, Mr.Oldbuck entered the parlour, and proposed to his nephew a walk to the Mussel-crag.``I have some questions to ask of a woman at Mucklebackit's cottage,'' he observed, ``and I would willingly have a sensible witness with me--so, for fault of a better, Hector, I must be contented with you.''
``There is old Edie, sir, or Caxon--could not they do better than me?'' answered M`Intyre, feeling somewhat alarmed at the prospect of a long _tte-
-tte_ with his uncle.
``Upon my word, young man, you turn me over to pretty companions, and I am quite sensible of your politeness,'' replied Mr.Oldbuck.``No, sir, I intend the old Blue-Gown shall go with me--not as a competent witness, for he is, at present, as our friend Bailie Littlejohn says (blessings on his learning!)_tanquam suspectus,_ and you are _suspicione major,_ as our law has it.''
``I wish I were a major, sir,'' said Hector, catching only the last, and, to a soldier's ear, the most impressive word in the sentence,--``but, without money or interest, there is little chance of getting the step.''
``Well, well, most doughty son of Priam,'' said the Antiquary, ``be ruled by your friends, and there's no saying what may happen--Come away with me, and you shall see what may be useful to you should you ever sit upon a court-martial, sir.''
``I have been on many a regimental court-martial, sir,''
answered Captain M`Intyre.``But here's a new cane for you.''
``Much obliged, much obliged.''
``I bought it from our drum-major,'' added M`Intyre, ``who came into our regiment from the Bengal army when it came down the Red Sea.It was cut on the banks of the Indus, Iassure you.''
``Upon my word, 'tis a fine ratan, and well replaces that which the _ph_--Bah! what was I going to say?''
