"And now I have finished.Before this meets any other eye than mine I shall be dead - beyond the punishment of this world and awaiting the punishment of the next.Lest some may fancy I do not believe this, - thinking that if I did I could not so have acted, - let me say there is no moral restraining power in fear.Fear is essentially selfish, and selfishness is at the bottom of all crimes, my own among the rest.I leave behind me none who will mourn me, and have but one satisfaction, viz.: the knowledge that I shall be regarded as an artist in crime.I take this occasion to bid the public an adieu not altogether, I confess, unmixed with regrets.I am now on that eminence called 'Life'; in a few minutes I shall have jumped off into the darkness, and then - all is mystery."When I had finished reading this article we all remained silent for a long time.Gwen was the first to speak, and then only to say slowly, as if thinking aloud: " And so it is all over."CHAPTER IV
It often happens that two souls who love are, like the parts of a Mexican gemel-ring, the more difficult to intertwine the better they fit each other.
You may be assured that, after reading M.Godin's confession, we looked forward to seeing Maitland with a good deal of interest.We knew this new turn of affairs would cause him to call at once, so we all strove to possess our souls in patience while we awaited his coming.In less than half an hour he was with us."The news of your success has preceded you," said Gwen as soon as he was seated."Iwish to he the first to offer you my congratulations.You have done for me what none other could have done and I owe you a debt of gratitude I can never repay.The thought that I was unable to carry out my father's wishes, - that I could do nothing to free his name from the reproaches which had been cast upon it, was crushing my heart like a leaden weight.You have removed this burden, and, believe me, words fail to express the gratitude I feel.I shall beg of you to permit me to pay you the sum my father mentioned and to - to - " She hesitated and Maitland did not permit her to finish her sentence.
"You must pardon me, Miss Darrow," he replied, "but I can accept no further payment for the little I have done.It has been a pleasure to do it and the knowledge that you are now released from the disagreeable possibilities of your father's will is more than sufficient remuneration.If you still feel that you owe me anything, perhaps you will be willing to grant me a favour.""There is nothing," she said earnestly, "within my power to grant for which you shall ask in vain.""Let me beg of you then," he replied, "never again to seek to repay me for any services you may fancy I have rendered.There is nothing you could bestow upon me which I would accept." She gave him a quick, searching glance and I noticed a look of pain upon her face, but Maitland gave it no heed, for, indeed, he seemed to have much ado either to know what he wanted to say, or knowing it, to say it.
"And now," he continued, "I must no longer presume to order your actions.You have considered my wishes so conscientiously, have kept your covenant so absolutely, that what promised to be a disagreeable responsibility has become a pleasure which I find myself loth to discontinue.All power leads to tyranny.Man cannot be trusted with it.Its exercise becomes a consuming passion, and he abuses it.The story is the same, whether nations or individuals be considered.I myself, you see, am a case in point.I thank you for the patience you have shown and the pains you have taken to make everything easy and pleasant for me; and now I must be going, as Ihave yet much to do in this matter."It may be a long time," he said, extending his hand to her, "before we meet again.We have travelled the same path - " but he paused as if unable to proceed, and a deadly pallor overspread his face as he let fall both her hand and his own.He made a heroic effort to proceed.
"I - I shall miss - very - very much miss - pray pardon me - I - Ibelieve I'm ill - a little faint I'd - I'd better get out into the air - I shall - shall miss - pardon - I - I'm not quite myself -goodbye, good-bye!" and he staggered unsteadily, half blindly to the door and out into the street without another word.He certainly did look ill.
Gwen's face was a study.In it surprise, fear, pain, and dismay, each struggled for predominance.She tried to retain her self-control while I was present, but it was all in vain.A moment later she threw herself upon the sofa, and, burying her face in the cushions, wept long and bitterly.I stole quietly away and sent Alice to her, and after a time she regained her self-control, if not her usual interest in affairs.
As day after day passed, however, and Maitland neglected to call, transacting such business as he had through me, the shadow on Gwen's face deepened, and the elasticity of manner, whereof she had given such promise at Maitland's last visit, totally deserted her, giving place to a dreamy, far-away stolidity of disposition which I knew full well boded no good.I stood this sort of thing as long as I could, and then I determined to call on Maitland and give him a "piece of my mind."I did call, but when I saw him all my belligerent resolutions vanished.He was sitting at his table trying to work out some complicated problem, and he was utterly unfitted for a single minute's consecutive thought.I had not seen him for more than two weeks, and during that time he had grown to look ten years older.
His face was drawn, haggard, and deathly pale.
"For Heaven's sake, George," I exclaimed, "what is the matter with you?""I've an idea I'm spleeny," he replied with a ghastly attempt at a smile.This was too much for me.He should have the lecture after all.The man who thinks he is dying may be spleeny, but the man who says he is spleeny is, of the two, the one more likely to be dying.
