Says I in witherin' and burnin' skorn, "It is the heighth of immodesty."And I jest turned my back right ont' her, and sailed out of the room.I wuzn't a a goin' to stand that, lawsuit or no lawsuit.Iwuz all worked up in my mind, and by the side of myself, and Ididn't get over it for some time, neither.
Wall, I found my companion seated in that comfertable place, and a keepin' my chair for me, and so I sot down by him, and truly we sot still, and see the glory, and the magnificence on every side on us.There wuz 3 piazzas about as long as from our house to Jonesville, or from Jonesville to Loontown, all filled with folks magnificently dressed, and a big garden layin' between 'em about as big as from our house to Miss Gowdey's, and so round crossways to Alminy Hagidone's brother's, and back agin'.It wuz full as fur as that, and you know well that that is a great distance.
There wuz some big noble trees, all twinklin' full of lights, of every coler, and rows of shinin' lights, criss-crossed every way, or that is, every beautiful way, from the high ornimental pillers of the immense house, that loomed up in the distance round us on every side, same as the mountains loom up round Loontown.
There wuz a big platform built in the middle of the garden, with sweet music discoursin' from it the most enchantin' strains.And the fountains wuz sprayin' out the most beautiful colers you ever see in your life, and fallin' down in pink, and yellow, and gold, and green, and amber, and silver water; sparklin' down onto the green beautiful ferns and flowers that loved to grow round the big marble basin which shone white, risin' out of the green velvet of the grass.
Josiah looked at that water, and sez he, "Samantha, I'd love to get some of that water to pass round evenin's when we have company." Sez he, "It would look so dressy and fashionable to pass round pink water, or light blue, or light yeller.How it would make Uncle Nate Gowdey open his eyes.I believe I shall buy some bottles of it, Samantha, to take home.What do you say? Idon't suppose it would cost such a dretful sight, do you?"Sez he, "I s'pose all they have to do is to put pumps down into a pink spring, or a yeller one, as the case may be, and pump.And Iwould be willin' to pump it up myself, if it would come cheaper."But my companion soon forgot to follow up the theme in lookin'
about him onto the magnificent, seen, and a seein' the throngs of men and wimmen growin' more and more denser, and every crowd on 'em that swept by us, and round us, and before us, a growin' more gorgus in dress, or so it seemed to us.Gemms of every gorgus coler under the heavens and some jest the coler of the heavens when it is blue and shinin' or when it is purplish dark in the night time, or when it is full of white fleecy clouds, or when it is a shinin' with stars.
Why, one woman had so many diamonds on that she had a detective follerin' her all round wherever she went.She wuz a blaze of splendor and so wuz lots of 'em, though like the stars, they differed from each other in glory.
But whatever coler their gowns wuz, in one thing they wuz most all alike -- most all of 'em had waists all drawed in tight, but a bulgin' out on each side, more or less as the case might be.Why some of them waists wuzn't much bigger than pipe's tails and so Itold Josiah.
And he whispered back to me, and sez he, "I wonder if them wimmen with wasp waists, think that we men like the looks on 'em.They make a dumb mistake if they do.Why," sez he, "we men know what they be; we know they are nothin' but crushed bones and flesh."Sez he, "I could make my own waist look jest like 'em, if I should take a rope and strap myself down.""Wall," sez I, in agitated axents, "don't you try to go into no such enterprise, Josiah Allen."I remembered the eppisode of the afternoon, and I sez in anxins axents, and affectionate, "Besides not lookin' well, it is dangerous, awful dangerous.And how I should blush," sez I, "if Iwuz to see you with a leather strap or a rope round your waist under your coat, a drawin' you in ; a changin' your good honerable shape.And God made men's and wimmen's waists jest alike in the first place, and it is jest as smart for men to deform themselves in that way as it is for wimmen.But oh, the agony of my soul if I should see you a tryin' to disfigure yourself in that way.""You needn't be afraid, Samantha," sez he, "I am dressy, and always wuz, but I haint such a fool as that, as to kill myself in perfect agony, for fashion."I didn't say nothin' but instinctively I looked down at his feet, "Oh, you needn't look at my feet, Samantha, feet are very different from the heart, and lungs, and such.You can squeeze your feet down, and not hurt much moren the flesh and bones.But you are a destroyin' the very seat of life when you draw your waist in as them wimmen do.""I know it," sez I, "but I wouldn't torture myself in any way if Iwuz in your place."
"I don't lay out to," sez he."I haint a goin' to wear corsets, it haint at all probable I shall, though I am better able to stand it, than wimmen be.""I know that," sez I."I know men are stronger and better able to bear the strain of bein' drawed in and tapered." I am reesonable, and will ever speak truthful and honest, and this I couldn't deny and didn't try to.
