"I have thought much of what you have so often said, that it would be for the happiness of both if our unfortunate engagement were set aside.That you have a real affection for me I believe, and be assured that I once had a real affection for you; not, perhaps, the passionate love which a nature so exacting as yours demands, and which I earnestly hope it may one day find, but a genuine affection nevertheless, which would have made me proud to share your lot.
But it would be uncandid in me to pretend that this now exists.
Your incessant jealousy, the angry feelings excited by your reproaches, the fretful irritation in which for some time we have lived together, has completely killed what love I had, and I no longer feel prepared to risk the happiness of both of us by a marriage.What you said the other night convinces me that it is even your desire our engagement should cease.It is certainly mine.Let us try to think kindly of each other and meet again as friends.
AGALMA LIEBENSTEIN."
When I had read this and returned it to him, he said:
"You see that this was written on the day I was taken ill.Whether she knew that I was helpless I know not.At any rate, she never sent to inquire after me.She went off to Paris; Korinski followed her; and--as I quickly learned on going once more into society--they were married! Did you ever, in the whole course of your experience, hear of such heartless conduct?"Bourgonef asked this with a ferocity which quite startled me.Idid not answer him; for, in truth, I could not see that Agalma had been very much to blame, even as he told the story, and felt sure that could I have heard her version it would have worn a very different aspect.That she was cold, and disappointed him, might be true enough, but there was no crime; and I perfectly understood how thoroughly odious he must have made himself to her by his exactions and reproaches.I understood this, perhaps, all the better, because in the course of his narrative Bourgonef had revealed to me aspects of his nature which were somewhat repulsive.
Especially was I struck with his morbid vanity, and his readiness to impute low motives to others.This unpleasant view of his character--a character in many respects so admirable for its generosity and refinement--was deepened as he went on, instead of awaiting my reply to his question.
"For a wrong so measureless, you will naturally ask what measureless revenge I sought."The idea had not occurred to me; indeed I could see no wrong, and this notion of revenge was somewhat startling in such a case.
"I debated it long," he continued."I felt that since I was prevented from arresting any of the evil to myself, I could at least mature my plans for an adequate discharge of just retributions on her.It reveals the impotence resulting from the trammels of modern civilization, that while the possibilities of wrong are infinite, the openings for vengeance are few and contemptible.Only when a man is thrown upon the necessities of this 'wild justice' does he discover how difficult vengeance really is.Had Agalma been my wife, I could have wreaked my wrath upon her, with assurance that some of the torture she inflicted on me was to fall on her.Not having this power what was I to do? Kill her? That would have afforded one moment of exquisite satisfaction--but to her it would have been simply death--and Iwanted to kill the heart."
He seemed working with an insane passion, so that I regarded him with disgust, mingled with some doubts as to what horrors he was about to relate.
"My plan was chosen.The only way to reach her heart was to strike through her husband.For several hours daily I practised with the pistol, until--in spite of only having a left hand--I acquired fatal skill.But this was not enough.Firing at a mark is simple work.Firing at a man--especially one holding a pistol pointed at you--is altogether different.I had too often heard of 'crack shots' missing their men, to rely confidently on my skill in the shooting gallery.It was necessary that my eye and hand should be educated to familiarity with the real object.Part of the cause why duelists miss their man is from the trepidation of fear.I was without fear.At no moment in my life have I been afraid; and the chance of being shot by Korinski I counted as nothing.The other cause is unfamiliarity with the mark.This I secured myself against by getting a lay figure of Korinski's height, dressing it to resemble him, placing a pistol in its hand, and then practising at this mark in the woods.After a short time I could send a bullet through the thorax without taking more than a hasty glance at the figure.
"Thus prepared, I started for Paris.But you will feel for me when you learn that my hungry heart was baffled of its vengeance, and baffled for ever.Agalma had been carried off by scarlet fever.
Korinski had left Paris, and I felt no strong promptings to follow him, and wreak on him a futile vengeance.It was on HER my wrath had been concentrated, and I gnashed my teeth at the thought that she had escaped me.
"My story is ended.The months of gloomy depression which succeeded, now that I was no longer sustained by the hope of vengeance, I need not speak of.My existence was desolate, and even now the desolation continues over the whole region of the emotions.I carry a dead heart within me."
