But one thing I will say first.So far as I am concerned I regret nothing and I fear nothing, and I would do it all again and be proud of the job.Curse the beast, if he had as many lives as a cat he would owe them all to me! But it's the lady, Mary --Mary Fraser -- for never will I call her by that accursed name.
When I think of getting her into trouble, I who would give my life just to bring one smile to her dear face, it's that that turns my soul into water.And yet -- and yet -- what less could I do?
I'll tell you my story, gentlemen, and then I'll ask you as man to man what less could I do.
"I must go back a bit.You seem to know everything, so I expect that you know that I met her when she was a passenger and I was first officer of the ROCK OF GIBRALTAR.From the first day Imet her she was the only woman to me.Every day of that voyage I loved her more, and many a time since have I kneeled down in the darkness of the night watch and kissed the deck of that ship because I knew her dear feet had trod it.She was never engaged to me.She treated me as fairly as ever a woman treated a man.
I have no complaint to make.It was all love on my side, and all good comradeship and friendship on hers.When we parted she was a free woman, but I could never again be a free man.
"Next time I came back from sea I heard of her marriage.
Well, why shouldn't she marry whom she liked? Title and money --who could carry them better than she? She was born for all that is beautiful and dainty.I didn't grieve over her marriage.
I was not such a selfish hound as that.I just rejoiced that good luck had come her way, and that she had not thrown herself away on a penniless sailor.That's how I loved Mary Fraser.
"Well, I never thought to see her again; but last voyage I was promoted, and the new boat was not yet launched, so I had to wait for a couple of months with my people at Sydenham.
One day out in a country lane I met Theresa Wright, her old maid.
She told me about her, about him, about everything.I tell you, gentlemen, it nearly drove me mad.This drunken hound, that he should dare to raise his hand to her whose boots he was not worthy to lick! I met Theresa again.Then I met Mary herself --and met her again.Then she would meet me no more.But the other day I had a notice that I was to start on my voyage within a week, and I determined that I would see her once before I left.
Theresa was always my friend, for she loved Mary and hated this villain almost as much as I did.From her I learned the ways of the house.Mary used to sit up reading in her own little room downstairs.I crept round there last night and scratched at the window.At first she would not open to me, but in her heart I know that now she loves me, and she could not leave me in the frosty night.She whispered to me to come round to the big front window, and I found it open before me so as to let me into the dining-room.Again I heard from her own lips things that made my blood boil, and again I cursed this brute who mishandled the woman that I loved.Well, gentlemen, I was standing with her just inside the window, in all innocence, as Heaven is my judge, when he rushed like a madman into the room, called her the vilest name that a man could use to a woman, and welted her across the face with the stick he had in his hand.
I had sprung for the poker, and it was a fair fight between us.
See here on my arm where his first blow fell.Then it was my turn, and I went through him as if he had been a rotten pumpkin.
Do you think I was sorry? Not I! It was his life or mine, but far more than that it was his life or hers, for how could Ileave her in the power of this madman? That was how I killed him.
