登陆注册
5215100000151

第151章

Why this "sign from heaven," which they so triumphantly acclaimed in company with Father Ferapont, and why did they believe they had gained the right to acclaim it? Where is the finger of Providence? Why did Providence hide its face "at the most critical moment" (so Alyosha thought it), as though voluntarily submitting to the blind, dumb, pitiless laws of nature?

That was why Alyosha's heart was bleeding, and, of course, as Ihave said already, the sting of it all was that the man he loved above everything on earth should be put to shame and humiliated! This murmuring may have been shallow and unreasonable in my hero, but Irepeat again for the third time- and am prepared to admit that it might be difficult to defend my feeling- I am glad that my hero showed himself not too reasonable at that moment, for any man of sense will always come back to reason in time, but, if love does not gain the upper hand in a boy's heart at such an exceptional moment, when will it? I will not, however, omit to mention something strange, which came for a time to the surface of Alyosha's mind at this fatal and obscure moment.This new something was the harassing impression left by the conversation with Ivan, which now persistently haunted Alyosha's mind.At this moment it haunted him.Oh, it was not that something of the fundamental, elemental, so to speak, faith of his soul had been shaken.He loved his God and believed in Him steadfastly, though he was suddenly murmuring against Him.Yet a vague but tormenting and evil impression left by his conversation with Ivan the day before, suddenly revived again now in his soul and seemed forcing its way to the surface of his consciousness.

It had begun to get dusk when Rakitin, crossing the pine copse from the hermitage to the monastery, suddenly noticed Alyosha, lying face downwards on the ground under a tree, not moving and apparently asleep.He went up and called him by his name.

"You here, Alexey? Can you have- " he began wondering but broke off.He had meant to say, "Can you have come to this?"Alyosha did not look at him, but from a slight movement Rakitin at once saw that he heard and understood him.

"What's the matter?" he went on; but the surprise in his face gradually passed into a smile that became more and more ironical.

"I say, I've been looking for you for the last two hours.You suddenly disappeared.What are you about? What foolery is this? You might just look at me..."Alyosha raised his head, sat up and leaned his back against the tree.He was not crying, but there was a look of suffering and irritability in his face.He did not look at Rakitin, however, but looked away to one side of him.

"Do you know your face is quite changed? There's none of your famous mildness to be seen in it.Are you angry with someone? Have they been ill-treating you?""Let me alone," said Alyosha suddenly, with a weary gesture of his hand, still looking away from him.

"Oho! So that's how we are feeling! So you can shout at people like other mortals.That is a come-down from the angels.I say, Alyosha, you have surprised me, do you hear? I mean it.It's long since I've been surprised at anything here.I always took you for an educated man.

Alyosha at last looked at him, but vaguely, as though scarcely understanding what he said.

"Can you really be so upset simply because your old man has begun to stink? You don't mean to say you seriously believed that he was going to work miracles?" exclaimed Rakitin, genuinely surprised again.

"I believed, I believe, I want to believe, and I will believe, what more do you want?" cried Alyosha irritably.

"Nothing at all, my boy.Damn it all! why, no schoolboy of thirteen believes in that now.But there...So now you are in a temper with your God, you are rebelling against Him; He hasn't given promotion, He hasn't bestowed the order of merit! Eh, you are a set!"Alyosha gazed a long while with his eyes half closed at Rakitin, and there was a sudden gleam in his eyes...but not of anger with Rakitin.

"I am not rebelling against my God; I simply 'don't accept His world.'" Alyosha suddenly smiled a forced smile.

"How do you mean, you don't accept the world?" Rakitin thought a moment over his answer."What idiocy is this?"Alyosha did not answer.

"Come, enough nonsense, now to business.Have you had anything to eat to-day?""I don't remember....I think I have."

"You need keeping up, to judge by your face.It makes one sorry to look at you.You didn't sleep all night either, I hear; you had a meeting in there.And then all this bobbery afterwards.Most likely you've had nothing to eat but a mouthful of holy bread.I've got some sausage in my pocket; I've brought it from the town in case of need, only you won't eat sausage....""Give me some."

"I say! You are going it! Why, it's a regular mutiny, with barricades! Well, my boy, we must make the most of it.Come to my place...shouldn't mind a drop of vodka myself, I am tired to death.

Vodka is going too far for you, I suppose...or would you like some?""Give me some vodka too."

"Hullo! You surprise me, brother!" Rakitin looked at him in amazement."Well, one way or another, vodka or sausage, this is a jolly fine chance and mustn't be missed.Come along."Alyosha got up in silence and followed Rakitin.

"If your little brother Ivan could see this wouldn't he be surprised! By the way, your brother Ivan set off to Moscow this morning, did you know?""Yes," answered Alyosha listlessly, and suddenly the image of his brother Dmitri rose before his mind.But only for a minute, and though it reminded him of something that must not be put off for a moment, some duty, some terrible obligation, even that reminder made no impression on him, did not reach his heart and instantly faded out of his mind and was forgotten.But, a long while afterwards, Alyosha remembered this.

同类推荐
  • 吽迦陀野仪轨

    吽迦陀野仪轨

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • Just David

    Just David

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 太上浩元经

    太上浩元经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • The Gaming Table

    The Gaming Table

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 大方等大云经

    大方等大云经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 永恒国度

    永恒国度

    凌晨,天灾降临。天道生变,万灵欲念执念充斥天地,天道不能承受,恶念横行,众生意念演变幻想世界,恶念,善念,执念,欲望纠缠不休,天道无法承受,已到极限,极则变,幻想降临,万界相融,万物霜天竞自由。此为新纪元开启,是毁灭,亦为新生。这一纪元为永恒纪元。
  • 我的超级庄园

    我的超级庄园

    诸神封印破碎,天地元气回归,从这一刻起,在家种田,也开始赚大钱。黄瓜,吃多了,可以开口味,还可以减肥,大家快来买啊!杂草,可也是宝贝……
  • 篮坛之宇内最强175

    篮坛之宇内最强175

    在天才篮球手俞强自传里面,有这么一段话很好地概括了他这一生:王朝缔造者,电影艺术精华,得分机器,球场大指挥官,篮坛梦魇,篮坛统治者……很抱歉,请原谅我词穷,我实在找不到词汇去形容他了。他是篮坛奇迹,哦,不,人类的奇迹!!!
  • 混沌仙尊

    混沌仙尊

    寻身世,入十方。脑中封印渐清晰。风踏歌,剑轻狂。横眉一竖,冷对千夫指。魔妖来挡,神王来阻,血仇之路,一力破九天!
  • 荷香田园

    荷香田园

    一觉醒来,身边围满了人老实巴交的父母,饿得面黄肌瘦的弟妹身心受虐的大哥一双双眼睛充满期盼的看着她,别忘了她才是个七岁的小包子……好吧,看一个七岁的小包子如何在古代玩的风生水起已有完结作品《肥田喜事》【PS:四叶的新书《极品萌媳》已发布,请亲们多多支持哈。】
  • 神界秘史

    神界秘史

    一个修真界的炮灰,因为自己的努力与巧合,靠着战争利器,征战异界,打造一个传奇。这是一个强者的国度,这是一个暗黑的世界。从另一个视角,剖析世界的格局。杀戮不是目的,征服只是手段。想实现梦想,只能不断挑战。所谓秘史,不是指男女私事。而是对表象的深一点层次的探讨。
  • 与你有关与你无关

    与你有关与你无关

    白梓晨:“向暖阳,过来写作业!”向暖阳:“你干嘛那么凶!写就写嘛!”白梓晨:“宝贝儿,过来,我们一起写作业。”向暖阳:“白梓晨,你是不是有病?我写还不行吗?”
  • Y的悲剧

    Y的悲剧

    哈特家族以疯狂著称。自打男主人约克·哈特投海身亡后,一系列不幸事件接连降临。专制、暴戾的女主人哈特老太太被谋杀;又聋又哑又瞎的女儿路易莎在家中遭人两次投毒,均侥幸脱险。案件的诸多线索都指向早在几个月前就已自杀的约克。陷入困境的萨姆巡官只得求助于退休莎剧演员哲瑞·雷恩,一出名副其实的悲剧渐渐浮出水面……
  • 学霸阅读学习法

    学霸阅读学习法

    怎样学习才能达到最好的效果?学习是一个循序渐进的过程,在这个过程中,只有注意自己的学习方法,才能收到事半功倍的效果。学习方法并没有统一的标准和规定,因个人条件的不同,选取的方法效果也有一定的差别。我们编辑的这套“学霸学习法”作品可供学者参考,从中获取最适合自己的高效学习方法,但要说明的是:“学习有法,但无定法,贵在得法”。《学霸阅读学习法》对学生如何提高阅读能力做出了理论指导,并推荐了部分有利于学生提高阅读能力的名篇故事,可供练习掌握该学习方法。
  • 大方等无想经

    大方等无想经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。