He intends to take the sacrament again in the morning.He remembered you, Alexey.He asked whether you had gone away, and was told that you were in the town.'I blessed him for that work,' he said, 'his place is there, not here, for awhile.' Those were his words about you.He remembered you lovingly, with anxiety; do you understand how he honoured you? But how is it that he has decided that you shall spend some time in the world? He must have foreseen something in your destiny! Understand, Alexey, that if you return to the world, it must be to do the duty laid upon you by your elder, and not for frivolous vanity and worldly pleasures."Father Paissy went out.Alyosha had no doubt that Father Zossima was dying, though he might live another day or two.Alyosha firmly and ardently resolved that in spite of his promises to his father, the Hohlakovs, and Katerina Ivanovna, he would not leave the monastery next day, but would remain with his elder to the end.His heart glowed with love, and he reproached himself bitterly for having been able for one instant to forget him whom he had left in the monastery on his death bed, and whom he honoured above everyone in the world.He went into Father Zossima's bedroom, knelt down, and bowed to the ground before the elder, who slept quietly without stirring, with regular, hardly audible breathing and a peaceful face.
Alyosha returned to the other room, where Father Zossima received his guests in the morning.Taking off his boots, he lay down on the hard, narrow, leathern sofa, which he had long used as a bed, bringing nothing but a pillow.The mattress, about which his father had shouted to him that morning, he had long forgotten to lie on.He took off his cassock, which he used as a covering.But before going to bed, he fell on his knees and prayed a long time.In his fervent prayer he did not beseech God to lighten his darkness but only thirsted for the joyous emotion, which always visited his soul after the praise and adoration, of which his evening prayer usually consisted.That joy always brought him light untroubled sleep.As he was praying, he suddenly felt in his pocket the little pink note the servant had handed him as he left Katerina Ivanovna's.He was disturbed, but finished his prayer.Then, after some hesitation, he opened the envelope.In it was a letter to him, signed by Lise, the young daughter of Madame Hohlakov, who had laughed at him before the elder in the morning.
"Alexey Fyodorovitch," she wrote, "I am writing to you without anyone's knowledge, even mamma's, and I know how wrong it is.But Icannot live without telling you the feeling that has sprung up in my heart, and this no one but us two must know for a time.But how am Ito say what I want so much to tell you? Paper, they say, does not blush, but I assure you it's not true and that it's blushing just as Iam now, all over.Dear Alyosha, I love you, I've loved you from my childhood, since our Moscow days, when you were very different from what you are now, and I shall love you all my life.My heart has chosen you, to unite our lives, and pass them together till our old age.Of course, on condition that you will leave the monastery.As for our age we will wait for the time fixed by the law.By that time Ishall certainly be quite strong, I shall be walking and dancing.There can be no doubt of that.
"You see how I've thought of everything.There's only one thing I can't imagine: what you'll think of me when you read this.I'm always laughing and being naughty.I made you angry this morning, but I assure you before I took up my pen, I prayed before the Image of the Mother of God, and now I'm praying, and almost crying.
"My secret is in your hands.When you come to-morrow, I don't know how I shall look at you.Ah, Alexey Fyodorovitch, what if I can't restrain myself like a silly and laugh when I look at you as I did to-day.You'll think I'm a nasty girl making fun of you, and you won't believe my letter.And so I beg you, dear one, if you've any pity for me, when you come to-morrow, don't look me straight in the face, for if I meet your eyes, it will be sure to make me laugh, especially as you'll be in that long gown.I feel cold all over when Ithink of it, so when you come, don't look at me at all for a time, look at mamma or at the window....
"Here I've written you a love-letter.Oh, dear, what have Idone? Alyosha, don't despise me, and if I've done something very horrid and wounded you, forgive me.Now the secret of my reputation, ruined perhaps for ever, is in your hands.
"I shall certainly cry to-day.Good-bye till our meeting, our awful meeting.- Lise.
"P.S.- Alyosha! You must, must, must come!- Lise.
Alyosha read the note in amazement, read it through twice, thought a little, and suddenly laughed a soft, sweet laugh.He started.That laugh seemed to him sinful.But a minute later he laughed again just as softly and happily.He slowly replaced the note in the envelope, crossed himself and lay down.The agitation in his heart passed at once."God, have mercy upon all of them, have all these unhappy and turbulent souls in Thy keeping, and set them in the right path.All ways are Thine.Save them according to Thy wisdom.Thou art love.Thou wilt send joy to all!" Alyosha murmured, crossing himself, and falling into peaceful sleep.
