登陆注册
5292700000031

第31章 ALICIA'S DIARY(6)

Having noticed this I dropped behind at the first opportunity and slipped among the trees,in a direction in which I knew I should find another path that would take me home.Upon this track I by and by emerged,and walked along it in silent thought till,at a bend,Isuddenly encountered M.de la Feste standing stock still and smiling thoughtfully at me.

'Where is Caroline?'said I.

'Only a little way off,'says he.'When we missed you from behind us we thought you might have mistaken the direction we had followed,so she has gone one way to find you and I have come this way.'We then went back to find Caroline,but could not discover her anywhere,and the upshot was that he and I were wandering about the woods alone for more than an hour.On reaching home we found she had given us up after searching a little while,and arrived there some time before.I should not be so disturbed by the incident if I had not perceived that,during her absence from us,he did not make any earnest effort to rediscover her;and in answer to my repeated expressions of wonder as to whither she could have wandered he only said,'Oh,she's quite safe;she told me she knew the way home from any part of this wood.Let us go on with our talk.I assure you Ivalue this privilege of being with one I so much admire more than you imagine;'and other things of that kind.I was so foolish as to show a little perturbation--I cannot tell why I did not control myself;and I think he noticed that I was not cool.Caroline has,with her simple good faith,thought nothing of the occurrence;yet altogether I am not satisfied.

CHAPTER V.--HER SITUATION IS A TRYING ONEMay 15.--The more I think of it day after day,the more convinced Iam that my suspicions are true.He is too interested in me--well,in plain words,loves me;or,not to degrade that phrase,has a wild passion for me;and his affection for Caroline is that towards a sister only.That is the distressing truth;how it has come about Icannot tell,and it wears upon me.

A hundred little circumstances have revealed this to me,and the longer I dwell upon it the more agitating does the consideration become.Heaven only can help me out of the terrible difficulty in which this places me.I have done nothing to encourage him to be faithless to her.I have studiously kept out of his way;have persistently refused to be a third in their interviews.Yet all to no purpose.Some fatality has seemed to rule,ever since he came to the house,that this disastrous inversion of things should arise.If I had only foreseen the possibility of it before he arrived,how gladly would I have departed on some visit or other to the meanest friend to hinder such an apparent treachery.But I blindly welcomed him--indeed,made myself particularly agreeable to him for her sake.

There is no possibility of my suspicions being wrong;not until they have reached absolute certainty have I dared even to admit the truth to myself.His conduct to-day would have proved them true had Ientertained no previous apprehensions.Some photographs of myself came for me by post,and they were handed round at the breakfast table and criticised.I put them temporarily on a side table,and did not remember them until an hour afterwards when I was in my own room.On going to fetch them I discovered him standing at the table with his back towards the door bending over the photographs,one of which he raised to his lips.

The witnessing this act so frightened me that I crept away to escape observation.It was the climax to a series of slight and significant actions all tending to the same conclusion.The question for me now is,what am I to do?To go away is what first occurs to me,but what reason can I give Caroline and my father for such a step;besides,it might precipitate some sort of catastrophe by driving Charles to desperation.For the present,therefore,I have decided that I can only wait,though his contiguity is strangely disturbing to me now,and I hardly retain strength of mind to encounter him.How will the distressing complication end?

May 19.--And so it has come!My mere avoidance of him has precipitated the worst issue--a declaration.I had occasion to go into the kitchen garden to gather some of the double ragged-robins which grew in a corner there.Almost as soon as I had entered Iheard footsteps without.The door opened and shut,and I turned to behold him just inside it.As the garden is closed by four walls and the gardener was absent,the spot ensured absolute privacy.He came along the path by the asparagus-bed,and overtook me.

'You know why I come,Alicia?'said he,in a tremulous voice.

I said nothing,and hung my head,for by his tone I did know.

'Yes,'he went on,'it is you I love;my sentiment towards your sister is one of affection too,but protective,tutelary affection--no more.Say what you will I cannot help it.I mistook my feeling for her,and I know how much I am to blame for my want of self-knowledge.I have fought against this discovery night and day;but it cannot be concealed.Why did I ever see you,since I could not see you till I had committed myself?At the moment my eyes beheld you on that day of my arrival,I said,"This is the woman for whom my manhood has waited."Ever since an unaccountable fascination has riveted my heart to you.Answer one word!'

'O,M.de la Feste!'I burst out.What I said more I cannot remember,but I suppose that the misery I was in showed pretty plainly,for he said,'Something must be done to let her know;perhaps I have mistaken her affection,too;but all depends upon what you feel.'

'I cannot tell what I feel,'said I,'except that this seems terrible treachery;and every moment that I stay with you here makes it worse!

...Try to keep faith with her--her young heart is tender;believe me there is no mistake in the quality of her love for you.

Would there were!This would kill her if she knew it!'

He sighed heavily.'She ought never to be my wife,'he said.

'Leaving my own happiness out of the question,it would be a cruelty to her to unite her to me.'

同类推荐
  • 添品妙法莲华经序

    添品妙法莲华经序

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 科利奥兰纳斯

    科利奥兰纳斯

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 百论疏

    百论疏

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 苏州竹庵衍禅师语录

    苏州竹庵衍禅师语录

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 八识规矩浅说

    八识规矩浅说

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 是应篇

    是应篇

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 爱情看上去很偶然

    爱情看上去很偶然

    一场错位的相亲,导演了一场错位的相爱:陆尘宇替代苏枕与孟小吟相亲,却不可救药地爱上了她,让她心动的却是苏枕;苏枕阴差阳错约会了秦伊诺,秦伊诺对他一见钟情,他却悄悄爱上孟小吟。两对情侣看似平静发展,却暗潮涌动:陆尘宇当着孟小吟的面与性感巧克力女郎放肆地跳着贴面舞;秦伊诺开始用尽手段引诱传媒集团总裁徐昌郡;苏枕和孟小吟深埋心底的真实感情日渐苏醒。
  • 悦读文谈:福州市党员干部读书征文作品选(2014)

    悦读文谈:福州市党员干部读书征文作品选(2014)

    本书主要内容包括:感悟辉煌——《苦难辉煌》读后感;有错必纠,知错必改——读《中国共产党历史》有感;读《不速之客》有感而发;读好“无字书”——读《理论学习要有三种境界》有感;领导干部要“好学”,还要“善学”等。
  • 仙妖门徒:绝色小魔女

    仙妖门徒:绝色小魔女

    上古秘辛,奇幻纷纭,莫过于最古老的神魔。那时,神魔统御百族生灵,幻想称霸天地。人间祸起,成为了炼狱之地……欢迎加入仙妖门徒书友群:946301828
  • 誓言(吸血鬼日志系列#7)

    誓言(吸血鬼日志系列#7)

    一本可以媲美《暮光之城》和《吸血鬼日记》的书,是一本只要你开始读就忍不住想一直读到最后一页的书!如果你喜欢冒险、爱情和吸血鬼故事,这本书正适合你!”《誓言》是畅销书系列“吸血鬼日记系列”的第六本书。
  • Half a Life-Time Ago

    Half a Life-Time Ago

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 洪荒之猥琐教主

    洪荒之猥琐教主

    主角信条:不以风sao惊天下,便以猥琐动世人!只有强壮的肉身才能支撑起一颗龌龊的灵魂!龙套C震惊了,浑身发抖,脸色发白,手虚弱的抬起指向主角:“你还能再无耻一点么?!”看了本书之后,你就会立马得出:答案是肯定滴!本书以娱乐、搞笑和爽快为主,升华人生境界为辅!
  • 顾道长生

    顾道长生

    本以为是写实的都市生活,结果一言不合就改设定!灵气复苏,道法重现,这大概是一个现代文明转变成修真文明的故事。…………本书仍然很墨迹书友群:666-464-52。V群:465-455-757
  • 身边有鬼

    身边有鬼

    听包车师傅说我们村子被泥石流埋了,我只当是吓唬人的,后来才知道……
  • 神秘的中国监狱看押部队

    神秘的中国监狱看押部队

    记忆没有远去,英雄音容已逝,血迹却仍在辽宁省瓦房店监狱发生的一起严重暴力越狱事件,造成武警辽宁总队某看押中队士兵郭金阳,被两名重刑犯的利刃连砍17刀。17刀结束了壮士的生命事件惊动了中央决策层人们的目光开始关注一个一直生活在城市边缘和偏远山区的神秘群体——中国看押部队这是中华人民共和国武装力量组合里十分特殊的队伍——武警看押(守)部队,属于中国人民武装警察部队的序列,专门担负全国监狱和看守所的外围武装警戒的任务《中华人民共和国监狱法》第41条规定:“监狱的武装警戒由人民武装警察部队负责,具体办法由国务院、中央军事委员会规定。