"I--angry!" He laughed."I've not been angry in ten years.I'm such a _damn_, damn fool that with all the knocks life's given me I haven't learned much.But at least I've learned not to get angry.No, I understand, my dear--and will save you for the next town below." He leaned forward and gave her hands a fatherly pat as they lay in her lap."Don't give it a second thought," he said."We've got the whole length of the river before us."Susan showed her gratitude in her face better far than she could have expressed it in words.The two sat silent.When she saw his eyes upon her with that look of smiling wonder in them, she said, "You mustn't think I've done anything dreadful.Ihaven't--really, I haven't."
He laughed heartily."And if you had, you'd not need to hang your head in this company, my dear.We're all people who have _lived_--and life isn't exactly a class meeting with the elders taking turns at praying and the organ wheezing out gospel hymns.
No, we've all been up against it most of our lives--which means we've done the best we could oftener than we've had the chance to do what we ought." He gave her one of his keen looks, nodded:
"I like you....What do they tell oftenest when they're talking about how you were as a baby?"Susan did not puzzle over the queerness of this abrupt question.
She fell to searching her memory diligently for an answer."I'm not sure, but I think they speak oftenest of how I never used to like anybody to take my hand and help me along, even when I was barely able to walk.They say I always insisted on trudging along by myself."Burlingham nodded, slapped his knee."I can believe it," he cried."I always ask everybody that question to see whether I've sited 'em up right.I rather think I hit you off to a T--as you faced me at dinner yesterday in the hotel.Speaking of dinner--let's go sit in on the one I smell."They returned to the cabin where, to make a table, a board had been swung between the backs of the second and third benches from the front on the left side of the aisle.Thus the three men sat on the front bench with their legs thrust through between seat and back, while the three women sat in dignity and comfort on the fourth bench.Susan thought the dinner by no means justified Miss Anstruther's pessimism.It was good in itself, and the better for being in this happy-go-lucky way, in this happy-go-lucky company.Once they got started, all the grouchiness disappeared.Susan, young and optimistic and determined to be pleased, soon became accustomed to the looks of her new companions--that matter of mere exterior about which we shallow surface-skimmers make such a mighty fuss, though in the test situations of life, great and small, it amounts to precious little.They were all human beings, and the girl was unspoiled, did not think of them as failures, half-wolves, of no social position, of no standing in the respectable world.She still had much of the natural democracy of children, and she admired these new friends who knew so much more than she did, who had lived, had suffered, had come away from horrible battles covered with wounds, the scars of which they would bear into the grave--battles they had lost; yet they had not given up, but had lived on, smiling, courageous, kind of heart.It was their kind hearts that most impressed her--their kind taking in of her whom those she loved had cast out--her, the unknown stranger, helpless and ignorant.And what Spenser had told her about the stage and its people made her almost believe that they would not cast her out, though they knew the dreadful truth about her birth.
Tempest told a story that was "broad." While the others laughed, Susan gazed at him with a puzzled expression.She wished to be polite, to please, to enjoy.But what that story meant she could not fathom.Miss Anstruther jeered at her."Look at the innocent," she cried.
"Shut up, Vi," retorted Miss Connemora."It's no use for us to try to be anything but what we are.Still, let the baby alone.""Yes--let her alone," said Burlingham.
"It'll soak in soon enough," Miss Connemora went on."No use rubbing it in.""What?" said Susan, thinking to show her desire to be friendly, to be one of them.
"Dirt," said Burlingham dryly."And don't ask any more questions."When the three women had cleared away the dinner and had stowed the dishes in one of the many cubbyholes along the sides of the cabin, the three men got ready for a nap.Susan was delighted to see them drop to the tops of the backs of the seats three berths which fitted snugly into the walls when not in use.She saw now that there were five others of the same kind, and that there was a contrivance of wires and curtains by which each berth could be shut off to itself.She had a thrilling sense of being in a kind of Swiss Family Robinson storybook come to life.She unpacked her bag, contributed the food in it to the common store, spread out her serge suit which Miss Anstruther offered to press and insisted on pressing, though Susan protested she could do it herself quite well.
"You'll want to put it on for the arrival at Sutherland," said Mabel Connemora.
"No," replied Susan nervously."Not till tomorrow."She saw the curious look in all their eyes at sight of that dress, so different from the calico she was wearing.Mabel took her out on the forward deck where there was an awning and a good breeze.They sat there, Mabel talking, Susan gazing rapt at land and water and at the actress, and listening as to a fairy story--for the actress had lived through many and strange experiences in the ten years since she left her father's roof in Columbia, South Carolina.Susan listened and absorbed as a dry sponge dropped into a pail of water.At her leisure she would think it all out, would understand, would learn.
"Now, tell _me_ about _your_self," said Mabel when she had exhausted all the reminiscences she could recall at the moment--all that were fit for a "baby's" ears.
"I will, some time," said Susan, who was ready for the question.
"But I can't--not yet."
