In as few words as possible I wish to lay before the nation what share，howsoever small，I have had in this matter—this matter which has so exercised the public mind，engendered so much ill-feeling，and so filled the newspapers of both continents with distorted statements and extravagant comments.
The origin of this distressful thing was this—and I assert here that every fact in the following résumécan be amply proved by the official records of the General Government：
John Wilson Mackenzie，of Rotterdam，Chemung County，New Jersey，deceased，contracted with the General Government，on or about the 10th day of October，1861，to furnish General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef.
Very well.
He started after Sherman with the beef，but when he got to Washington，Sherman had gone to Manassas；so he took the beef and followed him there，but arrived too late；he followed him to Nashville，and from Nashville to Chattanooga，and from Chattanooga to Atlanta—but he never could overtake him.At Atlanta he took a fresh start and followed him clear through his march to the sea.He arrived too late again by a few days；but hearing that Sherman was going out in the Quaker City excursion to the Holy Land，he took shipping for Beirut，calculating to head off the other vessel.When he arrived in Jerusalem with his beef，he learned that Sherman had not sailed in the Quaker City，but had gone to the Plains to fight the Indians.He returned to America and started for the Rocky Mountains.After sixty-eight days of arduous travel on the Plains，and when he had got within four miles of Sherman's headquarters，he was tomahawked and scalped，and the Indians got the beef.They got all of it but one barrel.Sherman's army captured that，and so，even in death，the bold navigator partly fulfilled his contract.In his will，which he had kept like a journal，he be-queathed the contract to his son Bartholomew W.Bartho-lomew W.made out the following bill，and then died：
The United States
In account with JOHN WILSON MACKENZIE，of New Jersey，deceased Dr.
Rec'd Pay't.
He died then；but he left the contract to Wm.J.Martin，who tried to collect it，but died before he got through.He left it to Barker J.Allen，and he tried to collect it also.He did not survive.Barker J.Allen left it to Anson G.Rogers，who attempted to collect it，and got along as far as the Ninth Auditor's Office，when Death，the great Leveler，came all unsummoned，and foreclosed on him also.He left the bill to a relative of his in Connecticut，Vengeance Hopkins by name，who lasted four weeks and two days，and made the best time on record，coming within one of reaching the Twelfth Auditor.In his will he gave the contract bill to his uncle，by the name of O-be-joyful Johnson.It was too undermining for Joyful.His last words were：“Weep not for me—I am willing to go.”And so he was，poor soul.Seven people inherited the contract after that；but they all died.So it came into my hands at last.It fell to me through a relative by the name of Hubbard—Bethlehem Hubbard，of Indiana.He had had a grudge against me for a long time；but in his last moments he sent for me，and forgave me everything，and weeping，gave me the beef contract.
This ends the history of it up to the time that I succeeded to the property.I will now endeavor to set myself straight before the nation in everything that concerns my share in the matter.I took this beef contract，and the bill for mileage and transportation，to the President of the United States.
He said，“Well，sir，what can I do for you？”
I said，“Sire，on or about the 10th day of October，1861，John Wilson Mackenzie，of Rotterdam，Chemung County，New Jersey，deceased，contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef—”
He stopped me there，and dismissed me from his presence—kindly，but firmly.The next day I called on the Secretary of State.
He said，“Well，sir？”
I said，“Your Royal Highness：on or about the 10th day of October，1861，John Wilson Mackenzie，of Rotterdam，Chemung County，New Jersey，deceased，contracted with the General Government to furnish to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef—”
“That will do，sir—that will do；this office has nothing to do with contracts for beef.”
I was bowed out.I thought the matter all over，and finally，the following day，I visited the Secretary of the Navy，who said，“Speak quickly，sir；do not keep me waiting.”
I said，“Your Royal Highness，on or about the 10th day of October，1861，John Wilson Mackenzie，of Rotterdam，Chemung County，New Jersey，deceased，contracted with the General Government to General Sherman the sum total of thirty barrels of beef—”
Well，it was as far as I could get.He had nothing to do with beef contracts for General Sherman either.I began to think it was a curious kind of a government.It looked somewhat as if they wanted to get out of paying for that beef.The following day I went to the Secretary of the Interior.
I said，“Your Imperial Highness，on or about the 10th day of October—”
“That is sufficient，sir.I have heard of you before.Go，take your infamous beef contract out of this establishment.The Interior Department has nothing whatever to do with subsistence for the army.”
I went away.But I was exasperated now.I said I would haunt them；I would infest every department of this iniquitous government till that contract business was settled.I would collect that bill，or fall，as fell my predecessors，trying.I assailed the Postmaster-General；I besieged the Agricultural Department；I waylaid the Speaker of the House of Representatives.They had nothing to do with army contracts for beef.I moved upon the Commissioner of the Patent Office.
I said，“Your August Excellency，on or about—”
“Perdition！have you got here with your incendiary beef contract，at last？We have nothing to do with beef contracts for the army，my dear sir.”
