"Ah, Miss Monson," he cried, somewhat more naturally--"I see I have offended and alarmed you. But, impute it all to love. The strength of my passion is such, that I became desperate, and was resolved to try any expedient that I thought might lead to success.""That might be pardoned, sir, were it not for the extraordinary character of the expedient. Surely, you have never seen in me any taste for the very extraordinary images and figures of speech you have used, on this occasion.""This handkerchief,"--said Tom, taking me from the sofa--"this handkerchief must bear all the blame. But for this, I should not have dreamt of running so much on the high-pressure principle; but love, you know, Miss Julia, is a calculation, like any other great event of life, and must be carried on consistently.""And, pray, sir, how can that handkerchief have brought about any such result?""Ah! Miss Monson, you ask me to use a most killing frankness! Had we not better remain under the influence of the poetical star?""If you wish to ensure my respect, or esteem, Mr. Thurston, it is necessary to deal with me in perfect sincerity. Nothing but truth will ever be pleasing to me.""Hang it," THOUGHT Tom, again, "who knows? She is whimsical, and may really like to have the truth. It's quite clear her heart is as insensible to eloquence and poetry, as a Potter's Field wall, and it might answer to try her with a little truth. Your $80,000 girls get SUCH notions in their heads, that there's no analogy, as one might say, between them and the rest of the species. Miss Julia," continuing aloud, "my nature is all plain-dealing, and I am delighted to find a congenial spirit. You must have observed something very peculiar in my language, at the commencement of this exceedingly interesting dialogue?""I will not deny it, Mr. Thurston; your language was, to say the least, VERY peculiar.""Lucid, but ambiguous; pathetic, but amusing; poetical, but comprehensive; prosaical, but full of emphasis. That's my nature. Plain-dealing, too, is my nature, and I adore the same quality in others; most especially in those I could wish to marry.""Does this wish, then, extend to the plural number?" asked Julia, smiling a little maliciously.
"Certainly; when the heart is devoted to virtuous intentions, it wishes for a union with virtue, where-ever it is to be found. Competence and virtue are my mottoes, Miss Julia.""This shows that you are, in truth, a lover of plain-dealing, Mr.
Thurston--and now, as to the handkerchief?""Why, Miss Julia, perceiving that you are sincere, I shall be equally frank. You own this handkerchief?""Certainly, sir. I should hardly use an article of dress that is the property of another.""Independent, and the fruit of independence. Well, Miss Monson, it struck me that the mistress of such a handkerchief MUST like poetry--that is, flights of the imagination--that is, eloquence and pathos, as it might be engrafted on passion and sentiment.""I believe I understand you, sir; you wish to say that common sense seemed misapplied to the owner of such a handkerchief.""Far from that, adorable young lady; but, that poetry, and eloquence, and flights of imagination, seem well applied. A very simple calculation will demonstrate what I mean. But, possibly, you do not wish to hear the calculation--ladies, generally, dislike figures?""I am an exception, Mr. Thurston; I beg you will lay the whole matter before me, therefore, without reserve.""It is simply this, ma'am. This handkerchief cost every cent of $100--""One hundred and twenty-five," said Julia quickly.
"Bless me," THOUGHT Tom, "what a rich old d---l her father must be.
I will not give her up; and as poetry and sentiment do not seem to be favorites, here goes for frankness--some women are furious for plain matter-of-fact fellows, and this must be one of the number. One hundred and twenty-five dollars is a great deal of money," he added, aloud, "and the interest, at 7 per cent, will come to $1.75. Including first cost and washing, the annual expense of this handkerchief may be set down at $2. But, the thing will not last now five years, if one includes fashion, wear and tear, &c., and this will bring the whole expense up to $27 per annum. We will suppose your fortune to be $50,000, Miss Julia--"Here Tom paused, and cast a curious glance at the young lady, in the hope of hearing something explicit. Julia could hardly keep her countenance, but she was resolved to go to the bottom of all this plain-dealing.
"Well, sir," she answered, "we will suppose it, as you say, $50,000.""The interest, then, would be $3,500. Now 27 multiplied by 130--"here Tom took out his pencil and began to cypher--"make just 3510, or rather more than the whole amount of the interest. Well, when you come to deduct taxes, charges, losses and other things, the best invested estate of $3,500 per annum, will not yield more than $3,000, nett. Suppose a marriage, and the husband has ONLY $1,000 for his pocket, this would bring down the ways and means to $2,000 per annum; or less than a hundredth part of the expense of keeping ONEpocket-handkerchief; and when you come to include rent, fuel, marketing, and other necessaries, you see, my dear Miss Monson, there is a great deal of poetry in paying so much for a pocket-handkerchief.""I believe I understand you, sir, and shall endeavor to profit by the lesson. As I am wanted, you will now excuse me, Mr. Thurston--my father's step is in the hall--" so Julia, in common with all other Manhattanese, called a passage, or entry, five feet wide--" and to him Imust refer you."
This was said merely as an excuse for quitting the room. But Tom received it literally and figuratively, at the same time.
