登陆注册
5697000000014

第14章 REVELATIONS(4)

Before the end of the month he wrote to his law partner apologizing for his inability to be coherent on business matters."For not giving you a general summary of news,you must pardon me;it is not in my power to do so.I am now the most miserable man living.If what I feel were distributed to the whole human family,there would not be one cheerful face on earth.Whether I shall ever be better,I can not tell.Iawfully forebode I shall not.To remain as I am is impossible.

I must die or be better,it appears to me ...a change of scene might help me."His friend Speed became his salvation.Speed closed out his business and carried Lincoln off to visit his own relations in Kentucky.It was the devotion of Bowlin Green and his wife over again.But the psychology of the event was much more singular.Lincoln,in the inner life,had progressed a long way since the death of Ann,and the progress was mainly in the way of introspection,of self-analysis.He had begun to brood.

As always,the change did not reveal itself until an event in the outward life called it forth like a rising ghost from the abyss of his silences.His friends had no suspicion that in his real self,beneath the thick disguise of his external sunniness,he was forever brooding,questioning,analyzing,searching after the hearts of things both within and without..

"In the winter of 1840and 1841,"writes Speed,"he was unhappy about the engagement to his wife--not being entirely satisfied that his heart was going with his hand.How much he suffered then on that account,none knew so well as myself;he disclosed his whole heart to me.In the summer of 1841I became engaged to my wife.He was here on a visit when I courted her;and strange to say,something of the same feeling which I regarded as so foolish in him took possession of me,and kept me very unhappy from the time of my engagement until I was married.

This will explain the deep interest he manifested in his letters on my account...One thing is plainly discernible;if I had not been married and happy,far more happy than I ever expected to be,he would not have married."Whether or not Speed was entirely right in his final conclusion,it is plain that he and Lincoln were remarkably alike in temperament;that whatever had caused the break in Lincoln's engagement was repeated in his friend's experience when the latter reached a certain degree of emotional tension;that this paralleling of Lincoln's own experience in the experience of the friend so like himself,broke tip for once the solitude of his inner life and delivered him from some dire inward terror.Both men were deeply introspective.Each had that overpowering sense of the emotional responsibilities of marriage,which is bred in the bone of certain hyper-sensitive types--at least in the Anglo-Saxon race.But neither realized this trait in himself until,having blithely pursued his impulse to the point of committal,his spiritual conscience suddenly awakened and he asked of his heart,"Do I truly love her?Am I perfectly sure the emotion is permanent?"It is on this speculation that the unique group of the intimate letters to Speed are developed.They were written after Lincoln's return to Springfield,while Speed was wrestling with the demon of self-analysis.In the period which they cover,Lincoln delivered himself from that same demon and recovered Serenity.Before long he was writing:"I know what the painful point with you is at all times when you are unhappy;it is an apprehension that you do not love her as you should.What nonsense!How came you to court her?Was it because you thought she deserved it and that you had given her reason to expect it?If it was for that,why did not the same reason make you court Ann Todd,and at least twenty others of whom you can think,to whom it would apply with greater force than to her?

Did you court her for her wealth?Why,you said she had none.

But you say you reasoned yourself into it.What do you mean by that?Was it not that you found yourself unable to reason yourself out of it?"And much more of the same shrewd sensible sort,--a picture unintentionally of his own state of mind no less than of his friend's.

This strange episode reveals also that amid Lincoln's silences,while the outward man appeared engrossed in everyday matters,the inward man had been seeking religion.His failure to accept the forms of his mother's creed did not rest on any lack of the spiritual need.Though undefined,his religion glimmers at intervals through the Speed letters.When Speed's fiancee fell ill and her tortured lover was in a paroxysm of remorse and grief,Lincoln wrote:"I hope and believe that your present anxiety and distress about her health and her life must and will forever banish those horrid doubts which I know you sometimes felt as to the truth of your affection for her.If they can once and forever be removed (and I feel a presentment that the Almighty has sent your present affliction expressly for that object)surely nothing can come in their stead to fill their immeasurable measure of misery...Should she,as you fear,be destined to an early grave,it is indeed a great consolation to know she is so well prepared to meet it."Again he wrote:"I was always superstitious.I believe God made me one of the instruments of bringing you and your Fanny together,which union I have no doubt lie had foreordained.

Whatever He designs He will do for me yet.'Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord'is my text now."The duality in self-torture of these spiritual brethren endured in all about a year and a half,and closed with Speed's marriage.Lincoln was now entirely delivered from his demon.

He wrote Speed a charming letter,serene,affectionate,touched with gentle banter,valiant though with a hint of disillusion as to their common type."I tell you,Speed,our forebodings (for which you and I are peculiar)are all the worst sort of nonsense..You say you much fear that that elysium of which you have dreamed so much is never to be realized.Well,if it shall not,I dare swear it will not be the fault of her who is now your wife.I have no doubt that it is the peculiar misfortune of both you and me to dream dreams of elysium far exceeding all that anything earthly can realize."[8]

同类推荐
  • 享受一分钟的感动

    享受一分钟的感动

    本书截取了生活的精彩文章,其中亲情、友情、爱情故事以及励志等文章,能够使你享受生活快乐,体验人生意义的同时,让你树立信心,帮你克服人生路上的各种绊脚石。
  • 美丽英文:那些永恒的人物和故事(激励卷)(套装共6册)

    美丽英文:那些永恒的人物和故事(激励卷)(套装共6册)

    《美丽英文:那些永恒的人物和故事(激励卷)》(套装共6册)包括《美丽英文:一个人,也能有好时光》《美丽英文:无法忘却的电影对白》《美丽英文:通话若有张不老的脸》《美丽英文:那些年,我们一起毕业》《美丽英文:那些震撼世界的声音》《美丽英文:那些改变未来的身影》。本套书精选文学大师、思想圣哲、创业先锋、科技精英、艺术天才等各个领域杰出人物的故事;收录题材广泛的演讲,涵盖政治领袖、商界大亨、科技先锋、艺术大师和娱乐名人等;包括一篇篇无法忘却的童话故事,在我们长大成人的今天仍然萦绕耳边,诉说着那最美丽的言语和最动人的哲思;收集了电影长河中极具代表性的经典对白,供读者朋友们品味精彩电影中的细腻和感动。
  • 当英语成为时尚:我与妈妈有个约会

    当英语成为时尚:我与妈妈有个约会

    有一种语言,无处不在,它被用来撰写了大多数对人类文明产生过影响的重要文献,它不仅成为全球沟通中被一致认可的明星品牌,更是当今社会深受追捧的时尚.它的名字叫英语。
  • 英文爱藏:那一年,我们各奔东西

    英文爱藏:那一年,我们各奔东西

    学英语不再枯燥无味——吴文智编著的《那一年我们各奔东西》内文 篇目均取自国外最经典、最权威、最流行、最动人的篇章,中英双语,适 于诵读,提升阅读能力;学英语不再沉闷辛苦——优美的语言、深厚的情 感、地道的英文,让我们在阅读这些动人的绝美篇章时,不仅能够提升生 活质量,丰富人生内涵,更能够轻松提升英文领悟能力,体味英……
  • 欧洲之行(Aunt Jane's Nieces Abroad)

    欧洲之行(Aunt Jane's Nieces Abroad)

    本书主要讲述了约翰叔叔带着三个侄女——贝丝、露易丝和帕齐到欧洲旅行的故事。在旅行中,他们目睹了维苏威火山喷发,他们乘坐的马车险些坠崖,约翰叔叔遭遇绑架差点丢掉性命,孩子们冒险营救……
热门推荐
  • 快穿之我只是想要自由

    快穿之我只是想要自由

    木鸢死后变成了鬼,多年后她被系统找上门‘升级争霸系统’?被养蛊式游戏选中的她,最终能否冲破规则,脱离游戏,成为自由身.............末世、武林、战乱......修真、神魔...一个又一个世界,汲取力量,努力变强顺带看戏!无CP (手动避雷:第一个世界女主是有感情的,经过失望后才专注于实力的提升。 这是作者的第一本书,当初设定的就是让女主一步步的脱离束缚。 如今再看,有些地方确实是不那么讨喜的(???????)嘤嘤嘤~)
  • 清春系

    清春系

    原名《公主与公主殿下》你要走,我会等,因为我知道你会回来——《等待》……………………………………………………………………………………………………你听,风在耳边说话——《听风》……………………………………………………………………………………………………仙女下凡,桥段好老啊!是不是还有个放牛郎的偷了衣服——《尘缘》……………………………………………………………………………………………………不要妄想用人的‘表面’去判断一个人的‘好坏’——《善恶》(具体内容,以文为准。佛系更新,因作者懒!)
  • FBI犯罪心理分析课

    FBI犯罪心理分析课

    FBI是美国联邦调查局,他们在打击犯罪、维护治安的过程中,立下赫赫功绩。他们之所以能取得成功,与准确读懂犯罪心理有密切的关系。FBI在长期与犯罪分子交锋的过程中,总结出一套宝贵的经验,他们通常会通过对方的面部表现、肢体语言、说话声调、穿着打扮等方面,捕捉对方的心理变化,从而识破他们的伪装,让真相浮出水面。在日常工作、生活中,我们身边同样存在着诸多的真真假假,如何辨识他们的真伪,需要我们了解和掌握FBI在破案过程中运用的方法与技巧,只要将它们融会贯通,运用到工作、生活和人际交往中,就会让我们变得更加睿智,更加受人尊重,同时在实现个人理想的征途上少走弯路。
  • 混罗至尊

    混罗至尊

    “尉迟小子,这里是我的天地,你在我的天地下生存,还妄想打败我。”他高高在上指着下方一个瘦小的身影,他是这片天地的神,统治世间万物,他的地位无法撼动。然而,这一切却因为尉迟青山的降临而改变……
  • 道德真经四子古道集解

    道德真经四子古道集解

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 大明王朝1587

    大明王朝1587

    万历十五,海瑞已死,戚继光病退,张居正一党已被悉数逐斥,申时行正任内阁首辅,李成梁在辽东战战兢兢;努尔哈赤在建州老营上筑起了新城,丰臣秀吉已将要一统日本,英国和西班牙的海上战争一触即发,耶稣会的传教士带来了天主教和西方知识;乾清宫西暖阁,明史研究生朱翊钧从睡梦中醒来,发现自己竟然穿越成了二十四岁的万历皇帝。此书又名《我不是明神宗》、《我穿越成了我的研究对象》、《大明田野调查手册》、《拯救晚明技术实录》
  • 飞

    书名只用了一个字:飞。但仅只这一个字,却让人联想很多。想蓝天白云,想云中漫步,想自由,想风,想鸟儿,想浩瀚无垠的茫茫宇宙,想《鹊桥仙》里的“四海为家家万里”和李清照的“云中谁寄锦书来,雁字回时,月满西楼”。甚至会做了要飞的准备,摆出个飞翔的姿势。我们不是鸟儿,但我们有谁不想飞?有谁不愿飞?我们只是太沉重,太瞻前顾后、患得患失,所以飞不起来罢了。人原本应该是会飞的,我们的双臂其实在早先就是翅膀,只是因为懒惰,因为久久不飞,渐渐失去了飞翔的功能。然而又因为渐渐失去了飞翔的功能,我们才又开始渴望重新找回翅膀,渴望自由飞翔。
  • 亿万总裁的淘气小暖妻

    亿万总裁的淘气小暖妻

    18岁小女孩和28岁熟男谈恋爱是不是有点嫩?会不会有代沟?163CM和183CM是不是距离有点远?接吻会不会很吃力?亿万总裁和小工程师的女儿结婚是不是有点悬?会不会门不当户不对?所有的问题皆是炮灰,回答都是“No-No-No!”因为爱情的魔力是无限大的,它会超越一切世俗!
  • 农女彪悍魔君靠边站

    农女彪悍魔君靠边站

    一朝穿为农家女,一来就没了母亲,父亲是傻子,奶奶变着法的想要把她卖了换钱,她运气怎么这么背?还好,天空乌云变色给她送来了一颗神蛋,孵出灵兽认她为母,助她教训贱亲戚,发家致富。突然有一天,一个无赖男人找上门。“哎,你这男人怎么抢我的床?”某无赖男:“你是我的蛋的娘,我不睡妳的床睡哪儿?”
  • 东林本末

    东林本末

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。