I urged that kings were dangerous.He said,then have cats.He was sure that a royal family of cats would answer every purpose.They would be as useful as any other royal family,they would know as much,they would have the same virtues and the same treacheries,the same disposition to get up shindies with other royal cats,they would be laughably vain and absurd and never know it,they would be wholly inexpensive;finally,they would have as sound a divine right as any other royal house,and "Tom VII.,or Tom XI.,or Tom XIV.by the grace of God King,"would sound as well as it would when applied to the ordinary royal tomcat with tights on."And as a rule,"said he,in his neat modern English,"the character of these cats would be considerably above the character of the average king,and this would be an immense moral advantage to the nation,for the reason that a nation always models its morals after its monarch's.The worship of royalty being founded in unreason,these graceful and harmless cats would easily become as sacred as any other royalties,and indeed more so,because it would presently be noticed that they hanged nobody,beheaded nobody,imprisoned nobody,inflicted no cruelties or injustices of any sort,and so must be worthy of a deeper love and reverence than the customary human king,and would certainly get it.The eyes of the whole harried world would soon be fixed upon this humane and gentle system,and royal butchers would presently begin to disappear;their subjects would fill the vacancies with catlings from our own royal house;we should become a factory;we should supply the thrones of the world;within forty years all Europe would be governed by cats,and we should furnish the cats.The reign of universal peace would begin then,to end no more forever......Me-e-e-yow-ow-ow-ow --fzt!--wow!"Hang him,I supposed he was in earnest,and was beginning to be persuaded by him,until he exploded that cat-howl and startled me almost out of my clothes.But he never could be in earnest.He didn't know what it was.
He had pictured a distinct and perfectly rational and feasible improvement upon constitutional monarchy,but he was too feather-headed to know it,or care anything about it,either.I was going to give him a scolding,but Sandy came flying in at that moment,wild with terror,and so choked with sobs that for a minute she could not get her voice.I ran and took her in my arms,and lavished caresses upon her and said,beseechingly:
"Speak,darling,speak!What is it?"
Her head fell limp upon my bosom,and she gasped,almost inaudibly:
"HELLO-CENTRAL!"
"Quick!"I shouted to Clarence;"telephone the king's homeopath to come!"In two minutes I was kneeling by the child's crib,and Sandy was dispatching servants here,there,and everywhere,all over the palace.I took in the situation almost at a glance --membranous croup!I bent down and whispered:
"Wake up,sweetheart!Hello-Central"
She opened her soft eyes languidly,and made out to say:
"Papa."
That was a comfort.She was far from dead yet.I sent for preparations of sulphur,I rousted out the croup-kettle myself;for I don't sit down and wait for doctors when Sandy or the child is sick.I knew how to nurse both of them,and had had experience.This little chap had lived in my arms a good part of its small life,and often I could soothe away its troubles and get it to laugh through the tear-dews on its eyelashes when even its mother couldn't.
Sir Launcelot,in his richest armor,came striding along the great hall now on his way to the stockboard;he was president of the stock-board,and occupied the Siege Perilous,which he had bought of Sir Galahad;for the stock-board consisted of the Knights of the Round Table,and they used the Round Table for business purposes now.Seats at it were worth --well,you would never believe the figure,so it is no use to state it.Sir Launcelot was a bear,and he had put up a corner in one of the new lines,and was just getting ready to squeeze the shorts to-day;but what of that?He was the same old Launcelot,and when he glanced in as he was passing the door and found out that his pet was sick,that was enough for him;bulls and bears might fight it out their own way for all him,he would come right in here and stand by little Hello-Central for all he was worth.And that was what he did.He shied his helmet into the corner,and in half a minute he had a new wick in the alcohol lamp and was firing up on the croup-kettle.
By this time Sandy had built a blanket canopy over the crib,and everything was ready.
