登陆注册
5698800000035

第35章 Chapter 16(1)

Morgan Le Fay IF knights errant were to be believed,not all castles were desirable places to seek hospitality in.As a matter of fact,knights errant were NOT persons to be believed --that is,measured by modern standards of veracity;yet,measured by the standards of their own time,and scaled accordingly,you got the truth.It was very simple:you discounted a statement ninetyseven per cent.;the rest was fact.Now after making this allowance,the truth remained that if I could find out something about a castle before ringing the doorbell --I mean hailing the warders --it was the sensible thing to do.So I was pleased when I saw in the distance a horseman making the bottom turn of the road that wound down from this castle.

As we approached each other,I saw that he wore a plumed helmet,and seemed to be otherwise clothed in steel,but bore a curious addition also --a stiff square garment like a herald's tabard.However,I had to smile at my own forgetfulness when I got nearer and read this sign on his tabard:

"Persimmon's Soap --All the Prime-Donna Use It."That was a little idea of my own,and had several wholesome purposes in view toward the civilizing and uplifting of this nation.In the first place,it was a furtive,underhand blow at this nonsense of knight errantry,though nobody suspected that but me.I had started a number of these people out --the bravest knights I could get --each sandwiched between bulletin-boards bearing one device or another,and I judged that by and by when they got to be numerous enough they would begin to look ridiculous;and then,even the steel-clad ass that HADN'T any board would himself begin to look ridiculous because he was out of the fashion.

Secondly,these missionaries would gradually,and without creating suspicion or exciting alarm,introduce a rudimentary cleanliness among the nobility,and from them it would work down to the people,if the priests could be kept quiet.This would undermine the Church.I mean would be a step toward that.Next,education --next,freedom --and then she would begin to crumble.

It being my conviction that any Established Church is an established crime,an established slave-pen,I had no scruples,but was willing to assail it in any way or with any weapon that promised to hurt it.Why,in my own former day --in remote centuries not yet stirring in the womb of time --there were old Englishmen who imagined that they had been born in a free country:a "free"country with the Corporation Act and the Test still in force in it --timbers propped against men's liberties and dishonored consciences to shore up an Established Anachronism with.

My missionaries were taught to spell out the gilt signs on their tabards --the showy gilding was a neat idea,I could have got the king to wear a bulletin-board for the sake of that barbaric splendor --they were to spell out these signs and then explain to the lords and ladies what soap was;and if the lords and ladies were afraid of it,get them to try it on a dog.The missionary's next move was to get the family together and try it on himself;he was to stop at no experiment,however desperate.

that could convince the nobility that soap was harmless;if any final doubt remained,he must catch a hermit --the woods were full of them;saints they called themselves,and saints they were believed to be.They were unspeakably holy,and worked miracles,and everybody stood in awe of them.

If a hermit could survive a wash,and that failed to convince a duke,give him up,let him alone.

Whenever my missionaries overcame a knight errant on the road they washed him,and when he got well they swore him to go and get a bulletin-board and disseminate soap and civilization the rest of his days.As a consequence the workers in the field were increasing by degrees,and the reform was steadily spreading.My soap factory felt the strain early.At first I had only two hands;but before I had left home I was already employing fifteen,and running night and day;and the atmospheric result was getting so pronounced that the king went sort of fainting and gasping around and said he did not believe he could stand it much longer,and Sir Launcelot got so that he did hardly anything but walk up and down the roof and swear,although I told him it was worse up there than anywhere else,but he said he wanted plenty of air;and he was always complaining that a palace was no place for a soap factory anyway,and said if a man was to start one in his house he would be damned if he wouldn't strangle him.There were ladies present,too,but much these people ever cared for that;they would swear before children,if the wind was their way when the factory was going.

This missionary knight's name was La Cote Male Taile,and he said that this castle was the abode of Morgan le Fay,sister of King Arthur,and wife of King Uriens.monarch of a realm about as big as the District of Columbia --you could stand in the middle of it and throw bricks into the next kingdom."Kings"and "Kingdoms"were as thick in Britain as they had been in little Palestine in Joshua's time,when people had to sleep with their knees pulled up because they couldn't stretch out without a passport.

La Cote was much depressed,for he had scored here the worst failure of his campaign.He had not worked off a cake;yet he had tried all the tricks of the trade,even to the washing of a hermit;but the hermit died.

This was,indeed,a bad failure,for this animal would now be dubbed a martyr,and would take his place among the saints of the Roman calendar.

Thus made he his moan,this poor Sir La Cote Male Taile,and sorrowed passing sore.And so my heart bled for him,and I was moved to comfort and stay him.Wherefore I said:

"Forbear to grieve,fair knight,for this is not a defeat.We have brains,you and I;and for such as have brains there are no defeats,but only victories.

同类推荐
  • THE GERMAN IDEOLOGY

    THE GERMAN IDEOLOGY

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 佛说受新岁经

    佛说受新岁经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • Justice

    Justice

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 太极拳散手秘诀

    太极拳散手秘诀

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 佛说菩萨十住经

    佛说菩萨十住经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 穿越成兔,在线直播

    穿越成兔,在线直播

    【无敌爆笑流,拯救不开心】穿越王者大陆,变成一只兔子。兔子不是妖,如果不能拼出个明天,那就一定闯出个未来,老铁们关注走一波,兔子,在线直播了!不以狂傲惊天下,但以风情动世人。此生所愿无它事,浪荡三千英雄魂!书友群:35721393
  • 百年“厚得福”

    百年“厚得福”

    厚德福是哈尔滨的著名老饭庄,在上世纪三四十年代被誉为哈埠三大饭庄之一,与另外两大饭庄新世界和宴宾楼齐名。与新世界和宴宾楼饭庄不同,厚德福是北京厚德福饭庄在哈埠的一家分号。1929年7月25日创办,地址在今天道外区南六道街1号,其旧址仍然有一部分保留到现在,成为这座城市的保护建筑。在素有“东方莫斯科”之称的哈尔滨,当年厚德福与新世界和宴宾楼各领风骚,食客云集,生意兴隆。许多老辈儿人现在还耳熟能详,对饭庄的美味佳肴,如糖醋溜瓦块鱼、铁锅蛋、纸包鸡、焖炉烤鸭等,特别是两道绝菜:扒熊掌和烧鹿筋,更是让人赞不绝口。
  • 追爱亿万小逃妻

    追爱亿万小逃妻

    "闪电惊骇划破夜空,房内气氛诡异。“为什么……要这样对我?我并不认识你啊……”安然紧贴冰冷墙面,眼角泛着泪光。夜皓辰淡淡一笑,周身散发低郁气息,“为什么?不如你来猜一猜?”衣衫撕破,痛如蚀骨毒药,压迫感使人如坠冰窟。安然脸色惨白,瞪大眸子望着夜皓辰,“你……要买我?”夜皓辰饶有兴趣的看着安然,“别说买那么难听,你还没那么值钱。”原以为他只为旧爱报仇生恨,却不想牵扯出上一代的前尘旧恨恩恩怨怨。百转千回,纠缠虐恋。没有硝烟的战场,处处暗流涌动。在爱的角逐中彼此一进一退,本是仇恨报复,却让他们惹火烧身!"
  • 古都与城市

    古都与城市

    本书围绕中国古代古都和城市,系统阐述了古都及城市的起源、演变与发展,并介绍了城市的经济、交通及对外交流等诸多问题,语言自然流畅,内容大气厚重。能够帮助读者学习和了解古代城市的相关知识,弘扬和传承中华文化,又可以“古为今用”,为现代城市的规划和管理提供相当的借鉴,进而对建设“和谐城市”、实现“和谐居住”、构建“和谐社会”具有重要意义。
  • 美国女画师的清宫回忆

    美国女画师的清宫回忆

    美国女画家凯瑟琳·卡尔在20世纪初曾创了两项世界性纪录:她是惟一在中国宫廷之内一连待了很长时间的外国人,又是惟一替尚健在的中国后妃画过肖像的人。她于1903年到达中国,花了九个月的时间为慈禧太后作画,并在圣路易斯博览会上展出。她返回美国后,把她的经历写成With the Empress Dowager出版,中文译为《慈禧写照记》。
  • 先跟对人,再做对事

    先跟对人,再做对事

    做事是一门深奥的学问,是成就梦想的阶梯。掌握了做对事的技巧,能使你在老板的支持下一展所长,犹如游鱼人海、飞鸟入林,可以实实在在地大展身手。《先跟对人,再做对事》阐述了跟对人、做对事的奥秘,旨在为读者的事业成功打造一个绝佳的平台。跟人是一门高超的技术,是基于美好愿景而采取的积极主动的人生选择。跟对人,你的人生很可能就此改变,你会少走很多弯路,甚至绕开致命的失败。
  • 试婚记

    试婚记

    简单来说,这本书就是讲男人若不盯死女人,女人就整死男人的故事…赖雅伦不是不碰女人,只是懒得碰,不是不结婚,只是没必要,如果婚姻对事业有帮助,管她是谁,结就是了。许念儿不是不淑女,只是懒得淑女,不是不结婚,只是没必要,如果婚姻能让她自由,管他是谁,结就是了。试婚第一天,许念儿要送未谋面的男人一个“难忘之夜”,特地买了情许多东西……见面第一眼,许念儿大喊一声:“是你!啊!~老天不长眼呐!”见面第一眼,赖雅伦皱眉闭目:“这真是……见了鬼了!”试婚第一夜,许念儿抓起床单裹上身子,一脚踹向他……试婚第一夜,赖雅伦错手扬起皮鞭抽了蜡烛,一把火烧了新婚大床……许念儿一摊手:“床,我家买的,三百万,拿钱来。”赖雅伦开支票:“六百万,再弄张新的。”硬碰硬,试试看。****************************月月找到好题材,再来过,咱们也试试看!不过,记得收藏,我会让他们的试婚更精彩。爱你们宝贝,真的。****月凉书友群:喜欢月凉的就来吧~QQ群:61738604月凉书友群一(已满)58481160月凉书友群二(已满)71241840月凉书友群三(已满)72618638月凉书友群四*
  • 梦灵乡

    梦灵乡

    一个庞大的家族,耗费巨资,用了100年打造出了一款游戏,主人公通过抽奖得到了世界上仅有的20000款测试版游戏登录头盔,至次,主人公成为了这个游戏里的玩家,踏上了游戏之旅的故事
  • 洪恩灵济真君祈谢设醮科

    洪恩灵济真君祈谢设醮科

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 《后汉书》核心词研究

    《后汉书》核心词研究

    本书介绍了选题缘由、《后汉书》的研究概况、研究材料和研究方法。