登陆注册
5698800000035

第35章 Chapter 16(1)

Morgan Le Fay IF knights errant were to be believed,not all castles were desirable places to seek hospitality in.As a matter of fact,knights errant were NOT persons to be believed --that is,measured by modern standards of veracity;yet,measured by the standards of their own time,and scaled accordingly,you got the truth.It was very simple:you discounted a statement ninetyseven per cent.;the rest was fact.Now after making this allowance,the truth remained that if I could find out something about a castle before ringing the doorbell --I mean hailing the warders --it was the sensible thing to do.So I was pleased when I saw in the distance a horseman making the bottom turn of the road that wound down from this castle.

As we approached each other,I saw that he wore a plumed helmet,and seemed to be otherwise clothed in steel,but bore a curious addition also --a stiff square garment like a herald's tabard.However,I had to smile at my own forgetfulness when I got nearer and read this sign on his tabard:

"Persimmon's Soap --All the Prime-Donna Use It."That was a little idea of my own,and had several wholesome purposes in view toward the civilizing and uplifting of this nation.In the first place,it was a furtive,underhand blow at this nonsense of knight errantry,though nobody suspected that but me.I had started a number of these people out --the bravest knights I could get --each sandwiched between bulletin-boards bearing one device or another,and I judged that by and by when they got to be numerous enough they would begin to look ridiculous;and then,even the steel-clad ass that HADN'T any board would himself begin to look ridiculous because he was out of the fashion.

Secondly,these missionaries would gradually,and without creating suspicion or exciting alarm,introduce a rudimentary cleanliness among the nobility,and from them it would work down to the people,if the priests could be kept quiet.This would undermine the Church.I mean would be a step toward that.Next,education --next,freedom --and then she would begin to crumble.

It being my conviction that any Established Church is an established crime,an established slave-pen,I had no scruples,but was willing to assail it in any way or with any weapon that promised to hurt it.Why,in my own former day --in remote centuries not yet stirring in the womb of time --there were old Englishmen who imagined that they had been born in a free country:a "free"country with the Corporation Act and the Test still in force in it --timbers propped against men's liberties and dishonored consciences to shore up an Established Anachronism with.

My missionaries were taught to spell out the gilt signs on their tabards --the showy gilding was a neat idea,I could have got the king to wear a bulletin-board for the sake of that barbaric splendor --they were to spell out these signs and then explain to the lords and ladies what soap was;and if the lords and ladies were afraid of it,get them to try it on a dog.The missionary's next move was to get the family together and try it on himself;he was to stop at no experiment,however desperate.

that could convince the nobility that soap was harmless;if any final doubt remained,he must catch a hermit --the woods were full of them;saints they called themselves,and saints they were believed to be.They were unspeakably holy,and worked miracles,and everybody stood in awe of them.

If a hermit could survive a wash,and that failed to convince a duke,give him up,let him alone.

Whenever my missionaries overcame a knight errant on the road they washed him,and when he got well they swore him to go and get a bulletin-board and disseminate soap and civilization the rest of his days.As a consequence the workers in the field were increasing by degrees,and the reform was steadily spreading.My soap factory felt the strain early.At first I had only two hands;but before I had left home I was already employing fifteen,and running night and day;and the atmospheric result was getting so pronounced that the king went sort of fainting and gasping around and said he did not believe he could stand it much longer,and Sir Launcelot got so that he did hardly anything but walk up and down the roof and swear,although I told him it was worse up there than anywhere else,but he said he wanted plenty of air;and he was always complaining that a palace was no place for a soap factory anyway,and said if a man was to start one in his house he would be damned if he wouldn't strangle him.There were ladies present,too,but much these people ever cared for that;they would swear before children,if the wind was their way when the factory was going.

This missionary knight's name was La Cote Male Taile,and he said that this castle was the abode of Morgan le Fay,sister of King Arthur,and wife of King Uriens.monarch of a realm about as big as the District of Columbia --you could stand in the middle of it and throw bricks into the next kingdom."Kings"and "Kingdoms"were as thick in Britain as they had been in little Palestine in Joshua's time,when people had to sleep with their knees pulled up because they couldn't stretch out without a passport.

La Cote was much depressed,for he had scored here the worst failure of his campaign.He had not worked off a cake;yet he had tried all the tricks of the trade,even to the washing of a hermit;but the hermit died.

This was,indeed,a bad failure,for this animal would now be dubbed a martyr,and would take his place among the saints of the Roman calendar.

Thus made he his moan,this poor Sir La Cote Male Taile,and sorrowed passing sore.And so my heart bled for him,and I was moved to comfort and stay him.Wherefore I said:

"Forbear to grieve,fair knight,for this is not a defeat.We have brains,you and I;and for such as have brains there are no defeats,but only victories.

同类推荐
  • History of Friedrich II of Prussia

    History of Friedrich II of Prussia

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • GULLIVER'  S TRAVELS

    GULLIVER' S TRAVELS

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 林间录后集

    林间录后集

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 金楼子

    金楼子

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 佛说观佛三昧海经

    佛说观佛三昧海经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 一代女皇:武则天

    一代女皇:武则天

    武则天(624年—705年)是中国历史上唯一一个正统的女皇帝(唐高宗时代曾出现另一个民间起义的女皇帝陈硕真),也是继位年龄最大的皇帝(67岁即位),又是寿命最长的皇帝之一(终年82岁)。唐高宗时为皇后(655—683)、唐中宗和唐睿宗时为皇太后(683—690),后自立为武周皇帝(690—705),改国号“唐”为“周”,定都洛阳,并号其为“神都”。史称“武周”或“南周”,705年退位。武氏认为自己好像日、月一样崇高,凌挂于天空之上。于称帝后上尊号“圣神皇帝”,退位后中宗上尊号“则天大圣皇帝”。武则天也是一位女诗人和政治家。《中国文化知识读本·一代女皇:武则天》以优美生动的文字、简明通俗的语言、图文并茂的形式,介绍了一代女皇武则天的传奇一生。
  • 仙侠奇缘之千年之恋

    仙侠奇缘之千年之恋

    万年长情,唯花不灭,情至深处,花开如海。钟离,霸气冲天,救生挤世,却应情劫而生;一颗侠女之心却深限情丝不可自拔。乾胤先尊,看淡红尘,一头白发,一袭蓝衣,一身仙气,看尽人间四海茫茫。可相遇不期而至,情咒应劫而醒,纵使五百年静身修行又怎敌人间真情。原本清静的心却再也不平静了,纵使背负天下骂名,他也要护她一生周全,不是为一段情咒,而是因为心乱了。而鬼魅,这个世上最不该有心的魔王,却也架不住一个情字的牵扯,动了凡心,一场情劫,三个人纠葛,或许只有等到花开如海的那天,才能知道心归何处……
  • 末世重生之神帝归来

    末世重生之神帝归来

    末世的黑暗,人性的丑恶,每天都有大量的人死去,一切都显得那么无助。污血的街道,高大的楼房,地面上坑坑洼洼,仿佛诉说着当初的惨烈,当初繁华的城市早已成了废墟。
  • 驾驶室的太阳

    驾驶室的太阳

    杜光辉,现任琼州学院当代文学创作研究所长、中文系教授。先后出版长篇小说《西部车帮》《球道》《涌动的浆糊》《可可西里狼》4部,中篇小说41部,短篇小说34部,电视剧本3部以及散文、随笔、时评等共600万字左右。曾获《中篇小说选刊》2000-2001年“优秀中篇小说奖”、“上海长中篇优秀作品大奖”、“全国首届环境文学优秀作品奖”、“辽宁省期刊优秀作品奖”、“全国铁路文学奖”、“海南双年文学奖”等23次文学创作奖,中篇小说《陈皮理气》入选2008年中国小说排行榜。20部作品被《新华文摘》《中篇小说选刊》《小说月报》《报告文学选刊》《新华月报》《北京文学·中篇小说月报》等刊转载。西宁货站上有七八股道,每股道上都有站台,站台还有仓库。有货物从火车上卸下,有汽车在装卸下的货物。高音喇叭里唱着流行歌曲,性急的司机摁动着喇叭,过往的卡车荡起尘土,所有的人都是灰头土脸。
  • 不忘法心

    不忘法心

    这是一个怀抱梦想的底层年青人自强奋斗的励志故事,这是几个至情至性的年轻男女爱恋缠绵的情感宣泄,这是两个法律人在情与法之间艰难抉择的心路历程。最终,在奋斗中成长,在爱恋中成熟,在抉择中蜕变。人在变,情难留,法高悬,贯穿其中的是法律人维护公平正义的初心!
  • 第五部队

    第五部队

    当国破家亡,当山河破碎,当强敌入侵,当一个民族面对生死存亡,我们需要的是最血腥,最狂放,最张扬,最能激发起每一个士兵不屈、不败战魂的铁血英雄!我们需要的,是一支以坚攻坚,以强克强,强大的可以让任何强敌为之却步的铁血雄师!这是一部描写中国第五特殊部队创始人传奇一生的小说,这是一部贯穿抗日战争、抗美援朝,对印自卫反击战,再现战火飞扬的血之篇章。请每一个中国军人,牢牢记住那个时代的英雄,留给我们的两句话:宁为战场亡魂,不做亡国之奴!
  • 培养青少年情商的故事(青少年健康成长大课堂)

    培养青少年情商的故事(青少年健康成长大课堂)

    拥有良好的人际关系往往能获得更多走向成功的机会。要获得较快的成长,良好的人际关系是排在第一位的。所以,对于青少年来说,提高情商实在是很有意义的人生必修课。在一个人成长的过程中,要经历许多痛苦、挫折,才能一步步走向成功。而在这漫长的过程中,青少年朋友们需要有人来指导和激励,不断丰富人生的经验,《培养青少年情商的故事》就是这样一位良师益友。
  • 妖女涅槃重生

    妖女涅槃重生

    心脏被挖,双目被毁,手脚筋被挑断,这就是东方红莲的一生。再一次醒来,一颗名为“克里艾迪斯”的心脏在她的身体内运转,废物一夜之间变成天才,天赋显现,能力无限。上古神龙心甘情愿匍匐脚下成为卑微的坐宠,远古凶剑甘愿化作她手中斩杀敌人的利器。当那些将她如同蝼蚁般随意揉捏搓扁的人跪在她面前求饶时,她狂傲一笑:“把欠我的命债还回来,我就饶了你们!”
  • 摘仙令

    摘仙令

    人在道中,道在人心!锁一方气运,绝一方灵气,道归时,人何在?(简单一句话,我家祖宗有些多。┏┛墓┗┓...(((m-__-)m)
  • 潜存的记忆

    潜存的记忆

    你尝试过变成他人的感受吗?我们生下来就与正常人有所不同,虽不曾见面,但彼此共生,如今你遭人陷害,作为另一个你,我又怎能袖手旁观?