There were three things that Sabrina took great pride in: one, she had successfully arm wrestled every boy at the orphanage (including two extremely humiliated janitors); two, she wasn't afraid of heights; and three, she wasn't a sissy. But when one wakes up to find a giant hairy spider crawling on one's face, one should be allowed to throw a hissy fit. Which was exactly what Sabrina did.
And her bloodcurdling scream caused Daphne to wake up, see the spider, and scream, too. Daphne's scream just made the whole thing that much more horrible for Sabrina, so she screamed even louder, which caused the little girl to scream at her sister's scream, resulting in a mini-concert of hysteria that went on and on for about five minutes.
Granny Relda burst into their bedroom with Elvis at her side. Granny's gray hair, still streaked with its former red, was rolled up in huge curlers and tucked underneath a sleeping cap. She wore a bright blue nightgown patterned with little cows jumping over little moons and her face was covered in a mossy-green mud mask that she swore kept her looking young. But her mud mask was not nearly as startling as the deadly sharp broadsword she held in her hand and the fierce battle cry that bellowed from her throat.
Scanning the room for attackers, the old woman said, "My goodness, lieblings-what is the matter?"
"That!" Sabrina and Daphne shouted in unison, pointing at a black tarantula the size of a baked potato that had leaped off the bed and now clung to a nearby curtain. Its eight long, hairy legs and vicious-looking pinchers clicked and snapped as it climbed up the drapes.
"Oh, children, it's just a spider," Granny Relda said as she crossed the room and picked the creepy-crawly thing up with her bare hands. Daphne squealed as if she had been the one to touch it and crawled under her blanket to hide.
"Just a spider?" Sabrina cried. "You could put a saddle on that thing!"
"He's South American I believe," Granny said, petting the spider like it was a kitten. "You're a long way from home, friend. How did you find your way here?"
"Like you have to ask!" Sabrina cried.
"Now, now," the old woman said. "It's just a harmless spider."
Elvis trotted over and sniffed the creature. The tarantula raised up two legs and hissed at the Great Dane, causing the usually fearless hound to leap back and yelp in surprise.
"Is it gone yet?" Daphne's muffled voice came from under the covers. "Has it been squished?"
"Girls, Puck's just being a boy. Brothers do these kinds of thing to their sisters all the time," Granny said soothingly.
"He's not our brother!" Sabrina shouted as she crawled out of bed and stomped across the room toward the door.
"Where are you going?" Granny Relda asked.
"To tell Puck's face what my fist thinks of him," the girl said, marching past the old woman and out the door.
"Don't leave me in here with the spider!" Daphne begged, but her sister ignored her plea. Puck was long overdue for a sock in the nose and Sabrina was just the person to give it to him.
Puck, like Mr. Canis, was an Everafter, a four-thousand-year-old fairy in the body of an eleven-year-old boy. Rude, selfish, smelly, and obnoxious, the boy had been taunting Sabrina since he had met her. He'd dumped a bucket of paint on her, rubbed her toothbrush in red-pepper seeds, filled her pockets with bloodworms, and put something in her shoes that still made her shudder when she recalled its smell. Puck also had a slew of magical pranks. He could shape-shift into any animal and several inanimate objects. Sabrina couldn't count how many times he had morphed into a chair and then pulled himself out from under her when she sat down. Why Granny Relda had taken to him was beyond comprehension, especially with his well-documented history. Everyone from William Shakespeare to Rudyard Kipling had warned about Puck's exploits, yet Granny treated him as if he were one of the family and had even invited him to live with the Grimms. Now Sabrina was determined to make the "Trickster King" wish he had declined the invitation.
She marched down the hall to his bedroom. No one had been in Puck's room since it had been built. Glinda the Good Witch and the Three Little Pigs used nails, hammers, and magic to create it and when it was finished, the rude boy hadn't bothered to invite anyone in to see the final result. So, when Sabrina opened the door and stepped inside, she was amazed by what she found. Puck's room was impossible.
There were trees and grass and a stone path and a waterfall that spilled into a lagoon. There was an actual sky with clouds and kites where the ceiling should have been. In the center of a clearing was a wrestling ring in which a kangaroo wearing boxing gloves and shorts sat lazily waiting for his next challenger. A roller coaster sailed on a track above Sabrina and an ice-cream truck sat off to one side. In the center of it all was Puck, perched on an enormous throne, wearing his stupid golden crown. He was eating an ice-cream cone that held half a dozen different flavored scoops, all of which were dripping down his arm.
Poor Sabrina was so astonished by her surroundings that she failed to notice the metal plate at her feet. When she stepped onto it, she triggered the release of an egg, which rolled down a narrow track and fell onto a rusty nail that cracked its shell in half. The egg then emptied its drippings onto a skillet, which triggered the striking of a match that ignited a gas burner. Soon, the egg was popping and crackling as the heat from the flame cooked it, causing steam to rise, which, in turn, filled a balloon that rose into the air. The balloon was connected by a string to a small lever that tipped a bucket of water into a drinking glass sitting on the high end of a seesaw. The seesaw tilted downward from the weight, untying a rope that held a heavy sandbag. The sandbag fell to the ground and hit a bright red button and then it all came to a stop.
And, unfortunately, that's when Sabrina noticed the bizarre contraption.
"What the-?" she said aloud but just then a buzzer drowned out her voice and the girl was catapulted off the metal plate and up, up through the air and then down, down into a large vat of goo, causing an enormous splash.
"Doesn't anyone knock around here?" Puck complained when Sabrina finally fought her way to the surface.
"What is this stuff?" she cried, as she struggled through the vat of thick white mush in which several dark chunks floated. The stink of it nearly made Sabrina barf.
"It's a big tub of glue and buttermilk, of course," the boy said, as if it were obvious. "With some bread-and-butter pickles added for flavor. It's quite stinky."
"You're going to pay for this, Puck!" Sabrina screamed as she climbed out of the tub. She wiped her face as well as she could and flared her nostrils.
"There she is, Miss America," the prankster sang. He tossed his huge ice-cream cone into the wrestling ring and the boxing kangaroo lapped it up happily. Then the boy jumped into the air and two massive pink-streaked insect wings sprang from his back. Soon he was soaring high above Sabrina.
"Just like an Everafter to use magic to run from a fight! Come down here, you smelly little freak," Sabrina shouted.
"With our fists?" Puck cried indignantly. "Human, I'm royalty. A prince fights like a prince."
His wings flapped loudly as he flew across his forest room to a nearby table. He scooped up two swords and flew back to Sabrina, tossing one at her feet as he floated effortlessly to the ground.
The girl grabbed her weapon and held it confidently. It was made of wood, like Puck's, but it would still hurt if she got a good whack at him.
The two children circled each other. Sabrina wasted no time thrusting her sword at the boy, who immediately floated several feet off the ground and spun easily, dodging her attack. While she was off balance, Puck flew toward her, trying to strike her arm. But Sabrina shifted her weight, swung her sword, and hit him on the top of his head.
"Dirty little snotface!" the boy cried as he rubbed his sore noggin. "Someone's been learning."
"Charge me again and you'll see what else I've learned, horse-breath!" Sabrina threatened.
Puck flew at her, swinging his wooden sword toward her shoulder, only to have it blocked by Sabrina's sword. She took a swipe at his belly, missing him by less than an inch.
"Tsk, tsk. Looks like you haven't learned the most important lesson of all." He laughed. "Always protect your butt."
Puck spun around and smacked Sabrina on the backside with his sword. The blow felt like the sting of a dozen honeybees, but Sabrina would never give him the satisfaction of hearing her cry out in pain.
"You're as slow as you are ugly," the boy taunted.
"You miserable little stink-pig!" Sabrina screamed, wildly slashing at him. He easily dodged each attack, leaping and flying out of the way, even flipping over her head. When he landed, he jammed his sword into her back and chuckled.
"Too bad, you're dead," he said. "You've got to get a hold of that temper. It beats you every time."
Sabrina tossed her sword down angrily and spun around on him with her fists clenched. Seeing that she meant to knock his head off, Puck did what anybody would do when facing an angry Sabrina Grimm-he ran. She chased him around the lagoon, through some heavy brush, out the other side, and right into Granny Relda. The old woman stood over them, and her expression, or what they could see of it behind her beauty mask, was disapproving.
The mask seemed to make a big impression on Puck.
"Old lady!" he cried-he always called Granny Relda by that name. "Your face! You've been cursed by a hobgoblin!"
"Lieblings, that's enough of this nonsense," Granny said as the dirty boy scampered to his feet and hid behind her.
"First of all, in my defense, the chain saw was propped on the door and was only supposed to scare her," he said. "If someone got hurt, it wasn't my fault."
"Puck, we're talking about the spider," Granny Relda said.
"Oh, the spider. How did it go off? Were they scared out of their wits?" he asked. "Which one of them wet the bed?"
"I know you didn't mean any harm," the old woman said. "But the girls do have school today and it would have been nice to have a quiet, chaos-free morning, for once."
Puck looked into her face as if she were speaking another language. "And what would be the fun in that?"
"Let's back up!" Sabrina demanded. "What chain saw?"
Granny ignored the question and took the boy's hand. She placed the tarantula into it and smiled kindly. "Let's put this somewhere safe."
Puck took the spider and rubbed its furry back softly. "It's OK, little guy. Did the big ugly girl scare you? I know, she's gruesome, but you're safe now."
Sabrina growled.
"What's going on in here?" Daphne said from the doorway. The little girl rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and then looked around. "Holy cow!"
"Daphne, move off the plate you're standing on," her sister warned, but the little girl just gawked at Puck's room.
"You've got an ice-cream truck," she cried as the roller coaster whipped along its track above her. "And a roller coaster!"
"Daphne, listen to me," Sabrina shouted, but the egg was already cooking. The balloon was already floating upward.
"Sabrina, why do you look like a booger?" the little girl asked as the seesaw fell. The alarm sounded and, just as it had done to Sabrina, the catapult fired Daphne into the air and sent her flailing into the vat of goo. When she landed, she struggled to stand up and wipe the slime from her face.
"What is this?" she asked.
"Glue and buttermilk!" Puck shouted.
"And bread-and-butter pickles," Sabrina added, picking a squishy slice of pickle from behind her ear and tossing it to the ground.
Daphne's face curled up in confusion as if she couldn't get her brain around the idea. Then a huge smile came to her face.
"I want to do it again!" She laughed.
Granny Relda helped Daphne out of the sticky soup.
"Look at us," Sabrina said. "We can't go to school today!" Suddenly, her anger at Puck faded. We can't go to school today! I can do more research! she thought.
"Oh lieblings, you've already been out for three weeks. I don't want you to get too far behind," Granny said, eyeing the girls and fighting a smile that eventually won the battle.
"We'll just go tomorrow, then," Sabrina suggested.
Before Granny Relda could respond, Mr. Canis appeared at the door, fully dressed in his oversized suit. He looked exhausted and feverish, even more frail than before his transformation, which was startling. He looked like he could use another three weeks in bed.
"The children have a guest," he said, leaning unsteadily against the doorframe.
"Thank you, Mr. Canis," Granny Relda said sounding quite motherly. "You go and get your rest."
The old man nodded and shuffled back toward his room.
"Who's here to see you?" Puck said enviously.
Sabrina shrugged and turned to follow Granny Relda downstairs, with Daphne and Puck following eagerly. As the family entered the living room they spotted a skinny old woman in a drab business suit standing by a bookshelf. She picked up a book with her bony hand and scrutinized the title. Sabrina knew the book. It was called Mermaids Are People, Too. The skinny woman tossed it aside and turned to face them, and before Sabrina saw the woman's face, she knew who it was.
"Good morning, girls," Ms. Smirt said. "Did you miss me?"
