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第3章 DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

SAW ME COOKIN' EGGS, SHE THOUGHT I WAS BACK AT IT

LYRIC FROM SONG: "STUNTIN' LIKE MY DADDY" ON ALBUM: LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON BY ARTIST: BIRDMAN AND LIL WAYNE

After spending the night with a woman, waking up in the morning, and making my way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, I was seen standing in front of the stove by my female guest. Rather than investigating the situation to see that I was merely being a good host and cooking a meal for her and myself, she jumped to the conclusion that I was using the skillet in the manufacture of crack cocaine.

COUPLE BRICKS STACKED ON THAT TRIPLE BEAM

LYRIC FROM SONG: "MAKE IT RAIN" ON ALBUM: ME, MYSELF & I BY ARTIST: FAT JOE

I casually observe that among my surroundings are two large, rectangular solids of cocaine placed on the same type of very accurate scale used by scientists to measure the masses of things, either to make sure that enough product has been received in exchange for money spent, or that excess product is not provided when dividing up large quantities of a drug into smaller amounts for sale or distribution.

STANDIN' IN MY BATHROOM MIRROR, I LOOK AT THE SOAP

LYRIC FROM SONG: "DUMMY MAN" ON ALBUM: THUG MENTALITY 1999 BY ARTIST: KRAYZIE BONE

During a moment of self-reflection while readying myself for the day, an idea strikes me: Because I am willing to risk my reputation and possibly even my life in order to obtain the funds required to purchase some marijuana, I might be able to cut a bar-shaped cleaning agent into tiny pieces, rub them with a slice of bread, and coat them in a numbing agent to make them resemble rocks of crack cocaine that I can sell to an unsuspecting individual.

BE FLIPPIN' THEM FLOUNDERS

LYRIC FROM SONG: "REPPIN MY CITY" ON ALBUM: TRILLA BY ARTIST: RICK ROSS

A concept I may or may not be familiar with is the act of receiving, processing into solid form or dividing into smaller quantities, and selling (resulting in orders that are placed for this product being filled) a high-quality type of cocaine named because in its shiny appearance it may seem to some to resemble the scales of a species of fish commonly found in the ocean.

BURNIN' BUTTER GOT IT SMELLIN' LIKE IT'S BUTTERSCOTCH

LYRIC FROM SONG: "RICH OFF COCAINE" ON ALBUM: DEEPER THAN RAP BY ARTIST: RICK ROSS

Someone has ignited a type of crack cocaine, presumably to inhale it, that has been refined to be more potent and is somewhat yellowish in color. The resulting scent is reminiscent of the brown-sugar-and-butter flavoring used in a variety of foods, including sundae toppings, pudding snacks, and a somewhat antiquated candy.

THAT BIRD FLU, SHAWTY, THAT'S A TERRIBLE SICKNESS

LYRIC FROM SONG: "BIRD FLU" ON ALBUM: BACK TO THE TRAPHOUSE BY ARTIST: GUCCI MANE

While avian influenza is indeed a serious disease, when individuals begin selling cocaine and realize sudden and substantial financial gains are being made, it is difficult to stop what they are doing and pursue other work through traditional channels of employment.

I GOT FIVE ON IT, GRAB YOUR FOUR-OH, LET'S GET KEYED

LYRIC FROM SONG: "I GOT 5 ON IT" ON ALBUM: OPERATION STACKOLA BY ARTIST: LUNIZ

I have five dollars that I will contribute toward the purchase of an amount of marijuana we can smoke, and since I'm sure you have purchased affordable malt liquor in a bottle more than a liter in size to accompany the marijuana, please retrieve it and meet me back here so we can get high and intoxicated together.

A SCALE AND SOME ARM & HAMMER

LYRIC FROM SONG: "B.O.B." ON ALBUM: STANKONIA BY ARTIST: OUTKAST

One item that is handy to have around when producing crack cocaine from powder cocaine is a device to weigh quantities of ingredients used in this manufacturing process and to measure the final product, which is often sold by weight rather than volume. Another useful item is a particular brand of sodium bicarbonate that you may keep in your refrigerator to absorb and eliminate food odors but can also be used as part of the chemical reaction that transforms said drug substance from powder to crystalline form.

WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT PURPLE DRANK?

LYRIC FROM SONG: "THEY DON'T KNOW" ON ALBUM: THE PEOPLES CHAMP BY ARTIST: PAUL WALL

I wonder if you are at all familiar with a practice that was popularized in the southern United States and is common in other parts of the country whereby a person mixes prescription cough syrup containing promethazine and codeine that may be purple in color with lemon-lime soda, fruit-flavored candies, or other flavorings to make its taste more palatable.

NO SEEDS, NO STEMS, NO STICKS

LYRIC FROM SONG: "STILL D.R.E." ON ALBUM: 2001 BY ARTIST: DR. DRE

Someone has made sure that the marijuana that has been obtained is the best value for the money, containing no undesirable parts of the cannabis plant and, being free of impurities, when smoked allows one to experience the most pleasurable effects.

CHUMPS ACTIN' NIMBLE 'CAUSE THEY'RE FULL OF EIGHT-BALL

LYRIC FROM SONG: "ICE ICE BABY" ON ALBUM: TO THE EXTREME BY ARTIST: VANILLA ICE

Foolish individuals who may normally move and think sluggishly because of their slow reflexes or low level of intelligence are acting excitedly because they have ingested some portion of the eighth of an ounce of cocaine they have purchased.

SMOKIN' INDO, SIPPIN' ON GIN AND JUICE

LYRIC FROM SONG: "GIN AND JUICE" ON ALBUM: DOGGYSTYLE BY ARTIST: SNOOP DOGGY DOGG

High-quality cannabis imported from the country of Indonesia has been chosen to light and inhale. While there are other varieties of marijuana that may compare to this, the aforementioned strain complements my beverage of choice for this evening: alcohol mixed with orange juice, either in a ratio that I have chosen or that has been purchased premixed in a proportion that is to my liking.

COME TO VIP AND GET A CHAMPAGNE SHOWER

LYRIC FROM SONG: "MONEY TO BLOW" ON ALBUM: PRICELE$$ BY ARTIST: BIRDMAN

Making your way to the part of the club or bar reserved for very important persons will not be in vain, because upon arrival you will be sprayed with carbonated wine, following which you might be permitted to dance with and talk to people you admire, or consume alcohol rather than having it poured on you.

I'M JUST HUSTLING IN THE STREETS TRYIN' TO FLIP A COUPLE KEES

LYRIC FROM SONG: "SLOW DOWN" ON ALBUM: CARNIVAL VOL. II: MEMOIRS OF AN IMMIGRANT BY ARTIST: WYCLEF JEAN

One school of thought concerning the concept of working energetically and quickly to take two kilograms or so of cocaine that has been purchased, possibly cooking it to make it into crack cocaine, and pricing the representative salable-sized chunks of this supply into cash, thereby making a profit in the process, is that such behavior should not be looked down upon.

I WANT Y'ALL BUCK NAKED WHILE Y'ALL COOKIN' UP MY DOPE

LYRIC FROM SONG: "GHETTO D" ON ALBUM: GHETTO D BY ARTIST: MASTER P

It is best that you remove all your clothing while in the kitchen, so you aren't tempted to take the crack cocaine you are making for yourself, and so that no one will wrongfully accuse you of doing so, since you will have no pockets. Also, if you are a female with an attractive body, you will be nice to look at.

RUBIK'S CUBE, YOU KNOW WE KEEP THEM WHITE SQUARES

LYRIC FROM SONG: "STILL ON IT" ON ALBUM: THE INSPIRATION BY ARTIST: YOUNG JEEZY

A six-sided puzzle toy invented in the 1970s is solved when each side shows nine of the same color of square-shaped stickers: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and also white, which happens to be the color of a type of drug that is often distributed in packages with six sides.

151 AND COKE IS VIAGRA

LYRIC FROM SONG: "IMMA TELL" ON ALBUM: ABSOLUTE POWER BY ARTIST: TECH N9NE

Because its consumption in the vicinity of females often results in my arousal, a high-proof rum containing approximately 75 percent alcohol by volume combined with a certain type of cola-flavored soda pop seems to have the same effect on my anatomy as a drug used to combat erectile dysfunction.

WHAT YOU KNOW 'BOUT PUTTIN' BRICKS IN THE SPARE, MAN?

LYRIC FROM SONG: "STUNTIN' LIKE MY DADDY" ON ALBUM: LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON BY ARTIST: BIRDMAN AND LIL WAYNE

I ask you a rhetorical question about the idea of opening the trunk of your car and placing large amounts of cocaine in packages inside, under, and around the extra tire stored there and in other inconspicuous places for transportation, because I know you most likely don't have any knowledge about such a thing-although if you do, maybe we could discuss it.

IN THE KITCHEN COOKIN' CHICKEN

LYRIC FROM SONG: "I MOVE CHICKENS" ON ALBUM: BACK TO THE TRAPHOUSE BY ARTIST: GUCCI MANE

One could be in a particular room of the house to prepare omnivorous fowl for a meal, or one could be processing cocaine by following a recipe that turns it from powdered form into crack rocks.

THE RE-UPS BE LIKE BIRTHDAY PARTIES

LYRIC FROM SONG: "FEEL ME" ON ALBUM: THA CARTER II BY ARTIST: LIL WAYNE

When new shipments of drugs arrive in the neighborhood to be distributed to sales associates and subsequently sold to residents and visitors to the area, the reception among members of the community is one of great joy and celebration reminiscent of the celebration friends and families hold for a person who lives for another year.

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