MARCH 9
When I woke up this morning I didn't know where I was even though of course I was in my own bed in my own room. Before I got up I lay there for a long time thinking how I was still mad at Lori and wondering why Katherine's father seemed so mad. I don't know why Katherine said what she said to him except to make him mad. I'm glad I have my parents and not hers. Daddy never would hit me but if he did I'd hit him back.
Mama finally knocked and came in and 'Darling you must be so tired you're just lying here like a lox all morning.' 'No I feel fine' I said. 'Boobster says she's got something and I was afraid you might both have come down with whatever plague it is. Nothing's the matter sweetie?' she asked. 'No' I said and got up. I didn't really lie to her Anne because there was nothing wrong that I wanted to talk about.
Lori called at eleven. 'What do you want?' I asked her. She said she was sorry she yelled at me and called us queers in front of everybody. 'If you're scoring me that's one thing but there's no reason to cut Kat' I said and then I told her how Katherine's father acted. I didn't tell her about the bruise I saw on her because then she'd want to know how I saw it and it's none of Lori's business. 'I think we should do something' I said. 'There's nothing we can do Lo if that's what's happening and she wanted to spill she would' Lori said. 'Kat never spills anything' I said. 'That's her cross' Lori said.
I accepted her apology after making her squirm a little longer. I told her she better be careful with Simon because if her parents ever caught them she'd be in trouble. Lori can be so bad, she's always getting into something and I know Miss Taylor's threatened to suspend her before. She really is a viper. 'Well you seem awfully obsessed about it' Lori said and I didn't say anything because I didn't want to get into a fight all over again.
Anyway so we talked some more. We agreed that Icky Betsy is as icky as they come and how dumb Susie acts and how Whitney thinks she's really mature and she's not. Lots of fun but then she had to get off the phone because she had to call somebody and she had to make the call outside. I know she meant she was calling Simon. If Lori keeps sneaking around like she's doing she's going to get the chair.
After I talked to Lori I tried calling Katherine but the answering machine was on. She never called me back though I left my usual message. This afternoon I kept thinking about what happened, how triple crazy her father acted and the way Lori acts around Simon and those stupid boys including Mister Toad. People go twisto when they get wrapped up in each others life. I guess that's the reason they go post office sometimes. It's so crazy.
Daddy finished his new story and he'll be going out to Los Angeles tomorrow to see if he can find any suckers. He still hasn't said what it's about. If they buy it by the time he finishes rewriting it for them it'll be another movie anyway. Aunt Chrissie called Mama from California and that did Mama in as usual. They hate each other but talk once a week. Chrissie always calls but Mama never hangs up, she just sits and listens to her blab. 'What did Chrissie have to say?' I asked when Mama got off the phone. 'Oh darling it was grotesque as always she said she and goofy Alan (that's her husband) were buying semiautomatics because they think there'll be an uprising of the maids and gardeners' Mama said. Daddy says they've seen too many movies.
Boob isn't feeling well. She has a cold so naturally she acts like it's pneumonia. Daddy brought her lunch and dinner in bed. I got to help him wash little Queenie's dishes. She keeps saying she has TB because she's coughing but there's only been ten girls at Brearley who have it, all in the older classes. When Mama recovered from talking to Chrissie she ran into Boob's room going 'Darling you don't have a fever yet but you might sweet sweetie.' Boob coughed louder of course. 'I do' she said. 'It's beri beri.' Please. Well that's all for now Anne.
P.S. I'm writing you again late tonight Anne. What happened last night still bothers me and I couldn't sleep. I went into the kitchen and turned on the TV to watch with the sound down before I wrote you again. Channel 9 had on the Dead Baby Hour. That's what I call it. It's an infomercial that shows pictures of dead babies in buckets while the narrator talks about liberal homosexual baby killers. It's so gross but you just keep watching it because you can't believe how disgusting it is. There's one baby that looks like a codger with an axe in his head. They keep showing it till you want to heave but you keep watching. Mama and Daddy saw the infomercial once about a month ago and couldn't believe it. Mama's sister Chrissie gives money to the Tombs of the Unborn Babies foundation and goes to protests constantly. That's one of the reasons she and Mama hate each other. Mama looks at Boob with her My L'il Fetus and says 'Oh Cheryl darling you little Boob you're going to grow up and be one of those awful people too throwing your children in front of cars at clinics like Chrissie does.' But Boob says 'I won't kill my babies just other peoples' and laughs. She would, too.
MARCH 10
Monday again. Daddy went out to Newark to fly to Los Angeles after I left for school. Boob stayed home with her double pneumonia TB. Exams and worse this week. No problem for me but they're so boring. Today I saw Katherine at lunchtime when I went to the cafeteria. She was sitting by herself reading a book. I figured she wanted to be left alone. She waved at me but then started reading again. Then Ms Cutler told her to sit with other girls because it wasn't good to be by yourself even if you were studying and wanted to be left alone. She walked over to where I was sitting and sat down with me but didn't say anything. 'How are you?' I asked and she just nodded. She hadn't combed her hair this morning. 'Aren't you going to talk?' I asked. 'I'll see you later' she said and then she got up and left. I think she might be worried that the people who heard Lori call us queers are running around telling everybody that we are. Maybe that's why she didn't want to sit with me very long but I hope not.
Lori was coming in as I was leaving. 'See you in Algebra tomorrow' I said. 'Oh no you won't' she said. 'Why?' I asked. 'I won't be coming in. It's done I already told Miss Taylor' she said. 'Why aren't you coming in?' 'I'll be busy' she said and smiled and wouldn't tell me anything else. I'm sure Simple Simon is involved. They'll probably both skip and go hang. It's spring break next week, I don't know why she just doesn't wait till then to see him unless she's going somewhere with her parents. If she's going to skip she'll get caught again, Anne, I know she will. The last time she tried she forged her mother's handwriting but she misspelled half the words so Miss Taylor didn't fall for it. I don't know what she told Miss Taylor this time.
After class we all had to get cholera shots because of the mess in the river from Long Island. Brearley is right by the East River with only the FDR in between. When we look across the river we can see the smoke and helicopters. My arm still hurts like it's on fire. Two of the girls in tenth grade got sick, they had an allergy or something. Melissa Cassidy told me one of them died but she believes anything she hears. I think Boob pretended to be sicker than she is so she could avoid getting her shot today. She's not dumb that Boob.
That's all for today. Time to study. Some people are actually rereading Silas Mariner! They're even crazier than my family.
MARCH 11
Lori wasn't in school today so she must have been telling the truth. I hope she knows what she's doing but I doubt it.
Boob's feeling better now. Of course she's still playing up being sick for all it's worth. I asked her if she needed an iron lung. 'What is it?' Boob asked. 'I want it I need it' she said. Daddy is still in Los Angeles. He called her this morning to say he hoped she was feeling better and he'd be home at the end of the week. He'd be home sooner he said but he hadn't been able to meet with the producers. They couldn't leave their office because of the gunfire. Daddy said they were calling from underneath their desks.
'He didn't call Booz' Boob said. 'He called me because I'm el numero uno. No calls for Booz. She's a dumpster baby.'
'Shut up Boob' I said. 'He called you because you were home and you stayed home just so you wouldn't have to get a shot.'
'Show me where they poked you' she said. I pulled up my sleeve and showed her. My arm's all bruised green and yellow and looks disgusting. It still hurts. 'Booz can take my shot for me. A double shot for Booz.'
'And an Army physical for Boob' I said, jumping on her bed. I grabbed the candle out of her candlestick on her bed table and rolled her over and sat on top of her back so she couldn't get up. 'Time to take Boob's temperature' I said. 'Get the vaseline.'
'No' Boob screamed and I shoved her face in her pillow. She started kicking her feet like she was swimming.
'It's a very high fever' I said and spanked her with the candle. 'Jungle rot too. We'll have to operate.'
'Get off' Boob shouted and kept kicking. She almost stopped crying so I got off.
'Who's numero uno' I said.
'You're looking at her' Boob said and laughed.
Mama knocked and came in and said 'Oh darling I heard you two laughing are you helping poor Boob get better?' she asked. 'She's trying to kill me' Boob said. 'My sweeties you're both so comical what do you want to eat tonight?' 'Food' Boob said. 'Lots of food' I said. 'But then I have to study.' 'Oh yes you're so smart you both are.'
Boob put on her robe and sat at the kitchen table with me and Mama. She put away the food like we'd been starving her for years. I asked Mama if Daddy said anything about how the director liked this script when he called since I knew the director met him at the airport. 'No my darling he was suspiciously vague about it' she said. 'That's not good' I said. 'It's not sweetie but you never know. I hope he comes home soon I'm scared with him out there with all those loonies.' 'How come nobody's making movies now?' Boob asked. 'Everybody likes movies.' 'I know sweetie but everything's in such an uproar. And movies cost so much money now and nobody has money even in Hollywood. They spent it like water and now they're thirsty.' 'Everybody's thirsty' said Boob. Mama said 'I know I know, your father says things aren't really so bad but it just seems that way because it's been so long since they've been good he has no basis for comparison anymore.' 'Are things getting worse?' I asked. Mama nodded.
We turned on the news and they were showing pictures of the fires in Beverly Hills. We watched but we didn't see Daddy. They said no one was killed today. 'Nobody important was killed today' Boob said and smiled.
MARCH 11
Daddy called Mama today to say he was fine and there was no problems near his hotel. The producers finally got out of their office once the Guard came into the neighborhood. He was going to meet them this afternoon. He said he'd be back tomorrow because the trouble was all quieted down around the airport. 'He says it looks worse on TV but sweetie everything does' Mama said.
Bigger news here Anne. I can hardly believe it. At lunch Whitney told me she was in the office this morning and Lori came in and went right into Miss Taylor's office. She couldn't hear what they were saying. After a few minutes Lori ran out and left the building.
This afternoon when I got home before she told me about Daddy Mama said 'Oh sweetie you haven't seen or heard from Lori have you tell me you have.' 'I haven't' I said. 'Miss Taylor called Lori's mother this morning and told her she'd suspended Lori and now Lori hasn't come home.' Mama said. 'Why was she suspended?' I asked. 'Darling she tried to pull a fast one. She wasn't in school yesterday was she?' 'No' I said. 'This morning she came in and gave Miss Taylor a note but it was a forgery and not a very good one it seems. She suspended her right then and there and Lori didn't go home and now nobody knows where she is.' 'Is Lori in trouble?' I asked. 'The biggest sort of trouble' Mama said and her eyes were wide as mine.
Well Anne if you're going to skip school you have to figure out how not to get caught. I'm sure Lori thought she had but obviously not. Anytime she's caught she tries to lie and she's the worst liar. I've never skipped school myself. I don't see why I would but if I ever did I wouldn't get caught. They always believe me at school when I'm fibbing but they never believe Lori even when she's telling the truth.
So now nobody knows where Lori is. I called Tanya and Susie. Whitney had told them what happened but nobody's heard anything from Lori. Maybe she's gone home by now. I hope nothing's happened to her but you never know. Like Mama says it's hard to believe how many perverts are out there waiting to get their hands on tender geese like us. She was probably with Simon if she could find him and get her paws on him.
Boob went back to school today and they gave her her shot. She's got a bruise twice as big as mine and it's swollen a little. She's such a baby. 'It'll fall off Boob' I told her. 'Quit it hurts' she said. 'It'll stop hurting once the gangrene sets in. It'll turn all black and fall off unless you die first' I said. 'Stop' she started yelling and then she stopped crying. Then I did stop. It's a good thing the swelling started going down because if it had kept getting bigger we'd have never heard the end of it. She'd have wanted us to amputate it after all.
A credit agency kept calling us tonight. Mama looked very sad when she got off the last time they called. 'Did they say something mean to you?' I asked. 'Yes darling but that's what they're paid to do so you can't take it personally' she said. 'Why not?' I asked. If somebody says something mean to me they don't get away with it that's for sure. She just shook her head.
Tonight I studied civics and how the government works even though everybody says it doesn't anymore. I haven't prayed for a long time but I prayed for Lori tonight. Night night Anne.
MARCH 12
After I wrote you last night I went to sleep. Then about an hour later I heard loud noises outside so I got up and looked out the window. A huge gang of kids were running down 86th Street with policemen and cop cars coming after them. When they got to Lexington they ran north. They broke out windows in HMV and turned over the newsstand in front of the movie theater. The police kept chasing them and I guess they caught some of them though there wasn't anything about it on the news. The stores were boarded up this morning but otherwise it looked normal. Last night though it made me scared. I started thinking about Lori again and I didn't get back to sleep for a long time.
I'm glad I've only got one test tomorrow that I had to study for because I'm going to sleep early tonight, I'm so tired and it hasn't been a good day Anne.
Lori was already home by the time I saw the street gang as it turns out. An older girl who knows Lori's brother Tom and talked to him last night told Tanya's sister and she told us this morning. So Lori wasn't murdered in the street after all. But what is happening to her is almost as bad we all think. Lori's parents are putting her in a toughlove camp in New Jersey. They've been threatening to do it for ages but I never thought they would.
'What do they do to you there?' Icky Betsy asked. She ought to go to bulimic camp.
'They shave your head' Whitney said. 'They tie you to your bed at night with big belts and they sharpen the buckles on the belts.'
'How do you know?' I asked. 'Because I know' Whitney said. "You weren't ever in one' Icky Betsy said. 'No but I've read about people who were and heard stories.' 'Why do they sharpen the buckles?' I asked. 'Because when you wake up in the night and have to go to the bathroom you not only cut yourself when you try to sit up then you're pinned down' she said. 'How do you go to the bathroom?' Icky Betsy asked. 'You don't they electrify the bed springs and when you pee you get electrocuted.' 'You don't know that' I said. 'I do' she said. 'Then everybody would die' Tanya said. 'It's not a strong electrocution just enough to hurt' Whitney says. I still don't think she knows what she's talking about.
Daddy came home from Los Angeles this afternoon. Me and Mama and Boob were so glad to see him. He brought necklaces he bought for us, pretty gold strands. They're not real gold I don't think. We put them on right away and of course five minutes later Boob's fell off and she lost it. We found it though. At dinner he talked about his trip but mainly about how everyone was handling the riots. I asked if his producers ever came out from under their desks and he said they did. They think the air force should bomb the neighborhoods, Daddy said. He didn't think that was a good idea. On TV they said that's what they were thinking about doing though so I bet they do. We asked if they bought his movie and he didn't say they did. He said it was under consideration but that almost always means no. He didn't act like he was sad or anything but he was fudging. Daddy was real jetlagged and he went to bed early tonight.
Then a really bad thing happened Anne. I tried calling Lori's house. Her mother picked up the phone and when I told her it was me she said I wasn't allowed to talk to Lori anymore. 'Why not?' I said but she hung up on me. 'That's so incredibly rude my darling let me take care of this' Mama said when I told her. An hour later she called Lori's house. When Mama got off the phone she told me what was going on.
'She said she was sorry for hanging up on you sweetie but it's what she's been told to do' Mama said. 'Who told her?' I asked. 'The toughlove goons angel they say when a child enters their programs they have to stop talking to all their friends because it's impossible to tell which one led them astray' she said. 'I never did' I said. 'Oh sweetie I know but that's what they tell them to do.' 'She can't even talk to Katherine?' 'No angel no you're all heathens in their eyes.' 'That's not fair.' 'No angel' Mama said. 'Can she talk to us when she gets out?' 'I don't know sweetie I gather they give you such a brainwashing in those places you don't even know who you are anymore.' 'Lori may not ever talk to me again because she did something her parents didn't like?' I asked. Mama nodded. 'That's not right' I said. 'No sweetie' said Mama.
I tried to call Katherine again but naturally nobody answered the phone. I didn't even leave a message this time. After Boob went beddybye Mama told me Daddy said it doesn't look like anything's going to sell anytime soon. We'll have to figure out something else to get by. 'What kind of something else?' I asked but Mama didn't say.
MARCH 13
Friday the 13 th has always been my lucky day Anne and this was no exception. This morning I took my Music test and zipped right through it. Now it's finally Spring break! Hooray!
Then I hadn't been home five minutes when Lori called! Her father was at work and her mother went to the bank. Her brother Tom let her call me because he thought it was bone that she wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. 'Are you all right?' I asked her. 'No' 'When are you leaving?' 'Tomorrow morning I'm scared' 'How long are you there?' 'Six weeks' 'Can you talk to me when you get back?' 'I better' she said. Then her mother came home and she hung up before her mother could tell that she was on the phone with anyone. I wish I could have said goodbye but we didn't have time.
Mama said the name of the place they're sending her to is the Kure-A-Kid Rehab 12 Step Center in Upper Mont-clair, New Jersey. 'Will they shave her head?' I asked Mama. 'Probably something terrible like that sweetie they're nothing but concentration camps with video games from everything I've read.' 'You and Daddy wouldn't ever send me to one would you?' 'Oh my darling never never in a million years no matter how awful you were' she said. I'm sort of curious as to what one of those camps is like but I wouldn't want to have to go to one.
Boob was sitting there fiddling with her My Li'l Fetus. It lost one of its arms somehow. She kept getting up and looking in the refrigerator. 'What are you doing Boob?' I asked. 'I'm looking for Lori on milk cartons' she said. 'She came home already they're not putting her on milk cartons' I said. 'Maybe the one they've got's an impostor' Boob said. 'You're crazy Boob' 'How are they brainwashing her?' Boob asked. 'They're changing her sweetie' Mama said. 'How?' 'I don't know' Mama said. 'Are they washing her brain with soap or detergent?' 'Shut up Boob' I said. 'They're sticking her head in the washing machine' Boob said and laughed. 'Lori's in the spin dryer.' 'It's not funny Boob' I said. 'My darlings you're both such funsters' Mama said. Then she made us go in the living room so she could finish dinner.
Boob hopped up in Daddy's lap when he came out of his study and sat down. That was always fun. I've gotten much too big for that now, I'm almost as tall as he is. He hugged us. Things could be better, he told us, but the weekend's here at least and we should really enjoy ourselves. Boob squealed like a piggy and I was glad too but Daddy seems so sad. He's not telling us what's really going on. I don't know if I want to know. But he's right the weekend's here and Spring break too.
MARCH 14
Today should have been a great day Anne but it wasn't. This morning I was the first one up as usual. The phone rang and I answered it on the first ring. I thought Lori might have gotten away long enough to call me again but it wasn't Lori.
It was a man from Guaranteed Credit Associates. He had a voice that sounded like he had a mouth full of rocks. The first thing he said was when were we paying? 'You want to speak to my parents' I said. No I want to speak to you he said. Why aren't you in temple? 'We don't practice' I said. 'Let me get my father.' Do you like where you're living? he asked. 'Of course I do' I said. If your parents don't pay their bills we can put you in a foster home he said. 'You cannot' I said. We can he said we'll put you in a foster home and you won't see your parents or brothers or sisters ever again. 'I don't have a brother' I said. You know what happens to little girls in foster homes? he asked. I hung up. The phone rang again and I knew it was him again but I answered because I didn't want him to wake Mama and Daddy up. They're raped he said little girls are raped in foster homes your parents better pay their bills. Daddy picked up the phone in their room and I heard him say Who is this? and then I hung up. I heard him yelling and then I heard him slam the phone down so hard I thought he broke it. Mama came out of their room right after that. I was sitting on the couch.
'Oh sweetie what did he say to you?' Mama asked. 'Nothing' I said and I should have told her what he said but I didn't. 'Look at me sweetie what did that awful man say to you?' 'Pay the bills' I said. 'He didn't say anything else was he threatening?' I shook my head. I don't know why I didn't tell her what he said about being raped in a foster home. The way he said it made me feel real bad and I bet that's what he used to do to girls in the foster homes he was in. Mama hugged me and said she was so so sorry. 'Why don't you declare bankruptcy?' I asked. 'Oh my darling if we did that again we'd lose everything this time we couldn't' Mama said. 'Then they'll keep calling' I said. 'Michael took the phone off the hook sweetie they won't call again this morning let us answer the phone from now on' Mama said. 'Okay' I said.
She went back to their bedroom and shut the door behind her. I heard them yelling but I didn't want to listen. I turned on the radio and listened to music for a while. Boob woke up and came out and started doing silly dances. 'I'm hiphopping' she kept saying. 'Bad enough.' 'That's not rap it's classical music' I said. 'Get down I'm Rap Queen Cheryl Cherifah' Boob said and she kept dancing until she finally collapsed on the floor. She's recovered completely.
Then Mama came back out and fixed breakfast. We had toasted English muffins with strawberry jam and glasses of milk. After breakfast we got dressed. 'We'll have a wonderful time today my geese we'll ignore the cares of this cruel world.' Then Daddy came out and it looked like he and Mama had made up because they were hugging each other like always. Daddy put his hand on my shoulder and said he was sorry. 'It's all right' I said. It wasn't though. What the credit guy said really bothered me but there wasn't anything Daddy could do about it. Nobody is going to put us in a foster home. I wouldn't go even if they forced me.
Before we went out Mama put the phone back on the hook. It started ringing as we were going out the door. Daddy answered it in case it was anybody he was waiting to hear from but it wasn't. It was the credit guy again and Daddy hung up.
We went for a walk through the park. It really was a beautiful day today. We went to the Met and saw the exhibit of Moorish art that's going on there. Boob was well behaved but then she always is when we go to museums. I looked around at the other people visiting the museum and wondered if they were having as bad a time as we were. Most of them looked like they were but you can never tell.
