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第34章

The Words were very apt to my Case,and made some Impression upon my Thoughts at the Time of reading them,tho' not so much as they did afterwards;for as for being deliver'd,the Word had no Sound,as I may say,to me;the Thing was so remote,so impossible in my Apprehension of Things,that I began to say as the Children of Israel did,when they were promis'd Flesh to eat,Can God spread a Table in the Wilderness? so I began to say,Can God himself deliver me from this Place? and as it was not for many Years that any Hope appear'd,this prevail'd very often upon my Thoughts:But however,the Words made a great Impression upon me,and I mused upon them very often. It grew now late,and the Tobacco had,as I said,doz'd my Head so much,that I inclin'd to sleep;so I left my Lamp burning in the Cave,least I should want any Thing in the Night,and went to Bed;but before I lay down,I did what I never had done in all my Life,I kneel'd down and pray'd to God to fulfil the Promise to me,that if I call'd upon him in the Day of Trouble,he would deliver me;after my broken and imperfect Prayer was over,I drunk the Rum in which I had steep'd the Tobacco,which was so strong and rank of the Tobacco,that indeed I could scarce get it down;immediately upon this I went to Bed,I found presently it flew up in my Head violently,but I fell into a sound Sleep,and wak'd no more 'till by the Sun it must necessarily be near Three a-Clock in the Afternoon the next Day;nay,to this Hour,I'm partly of the Opinion,that I slept all the next Day and Night,and 'till almost Three that Day after;for otherwise I knew not how I should lose a Day out of my Reckoning in the Days of the Week,as it appear'd some Years after I had done:for if I had lost it by crossing and re-crossing the Line,I should have lost more than one Day:But certainly I lost a Day in my Accompt,and never knew which Way.

Be that however one Way or th' other,when I awak'd I found my self exceedingly refresh'd,and my Spirits lively and chearful;when I got up,I was stronger than I was the Day before,and my Stomach better,for I was hungry;and in short,I had no Fit the next Day,but continu'd much alter'd for the better;this was the 29th.

The 30th was my well Day of Course,and I went abroad with my Gun,but did not care to travel too far,I kill'd a Sea Fowl or two,something like a brand Goose,and brought them Home,but was not very forward to eat them;so I ate some more of the Turtle's Eggs,which were very good:This Evening I renew'd the Medicine which I had suppos'd did me good the Day before,viz. the Tobacco steep'd in Rum,only I did not take so much as before,nor did I chew any of the Leaf,or hold my Head over the Smoke;however,I was not so well the next Day,which was the first of July,as I hop'd I shou'd have been;for I had a little Spice of the cold Fit,but it was not much.

July 2. I renew'd the Medicine all the three Ways,and doz'd my self with it as at first;and doubled the Quantity which I drank.

3. I miss'd the Fit for good and all,tho' I did not recover my full Strength for some Weeks after;while I was thus gathering Strength,my Thoughts run exceedingly upon this Scripture,I will deliver thee,and the Impossibility of my Deliverance lay much upon my Mind in Barr of my ever expecting it:But as I was discouraging my self with such Thoughts,it occurr'd to my Mind,that I pored so much upon my Deliverance from the main Affliction,that I disregarded the Deliverance I had receiv'd;and I was,as it were,made to ask my self such Questions as these,viz. Have I not been deliver'd,and wonderfully too,from Sickness? from the most distress'd Condition that could be,and that as so frightful to me,and what Notice I had taken of it?

Had I done my Part? God had deliver'd me,but I had not glorify'd him;that is to say,I had not own'd and been thankful for that as a Deliverance,and how cou'd I expect greater Deliverance?

This touch'd my Heart very much,and immediately I kneel'd down and gave God Thanks aloud,for my Recovery from my Sickness.

July 4. In the Morning I took the Bible,and beginning at the New Testament,I began seriously to read it,and impos'd upon my self to read a while every Morning and every Night,not tying my self to the Number of Chapters,but as long as my Thoughts shou'd engage me:It was not long after I set seriously to this Work,but I found my Heart more deeply and sincerely affected with the Wickedness of my past Life:The Impression of my Dream reviv'd,and the Words,All these Things have not brought thee to Repentance,ran seriously in my Thought:I was earnestly begging of God to give me Repentance,when it happen'd providentially the very Day that reading the Scripture,I came to these Words,He is exalted a Prince and a Saviour,to give Repentance,and to give Remission:I threw down the Book,and with my Heart as well as my Hands lifted up to Heaven,in a Kind of Extasy of Joy,I cry'd out aloud,Jesus,thou Son of David,Jesus,thou exalted Prince and Saviour,give me Repentance!

This was the first Time that I could say,in the true Sense of the Words,that I pray'd in all my Life;for now I pray'd with a Sense of my Condition,and with a true Scripture View of Hope founded on the Encouragement of the Word of God;and from this Time,I may say,I began to have Hope that God would hear me.

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