"But," I says, "when that crowd finds out Alonzo ain't going up they will be purty mad.""Oh," says he, "I don't think so. The American public are a good-natured set of chuckle-heads, mostly. If they get sore I'll talk 'em out of it."If he had any faults at all--and mind you, I ain't saying Doctor Kirby had any--the one he had hardest was the belief he could talk any crowd into any notion, or out of it, either. And he loved to do it jest fur the fun of it. He'd rather have the feeling he was doing that than the money any day. He was powerful vain about that gab of his'n, Doctor Kirby was.
The four of us took around about five thousand bills. The doctor says they is nothing like giving yourself a chancet. And Saturday morning we got the balloon filled up so she showed handsome, tugging away there at her ropes. But we had a dern mean time with that balloon, too.
The doctor says if we have good luck there may be as many as three, four hundred people.
But Jerusalem! They was two, three times that many. By the time the show started I reckon they was nigh a thousand there. The doctor and the Blanchet Brothers was tickled. When they quit coming fast the doctor left the gate and made a little speech, telling all about the wonderful show, and the great expense it was to get it together, and all that.
They was a rope stretched between the crowd and us. Back of that was the Blanchet Brothers' wagon and our wagon, and our little tent. I was jest inside the tent with chains on. Back of every-thing else was the balloon.
Well, the doctor he done a lot of songs and things as advertised. Then the Blanchet Brothers done some of their acts. They was really fine acts, too.
Then come some more of Doctor Kirby's refined comedy, as advertised. Next, more Blanchet.
Then a lecture about me by the doctor. All in all it takes up about an hour and a half. Then the doctor makes a mighty nice little talk, and wishes them all good afternoon, thanking them fur their kind intentions and liberal patronage, one and all.
"But when will the balloon go up?" asts half a dozen at oncet.
"The balloon?" asts Doctor Kirby, surprised.
"Balloon! Balloon!" yells a kid. And the hull crowd took it up and yelled: "Balloon! Balloon!
Balloon!" And they crowded up closte to that rope.
Doctor Kirby has been getting off the wagon, but he gets back on her, and stretches his arms wide, and motions of 'em all to come close.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he says, "please to gather near--up here, good people--and listen!
Listen to what I have to say--harken to the utter-ings of my voice! There has been a misunder-standing here! There has been a misconstruction!
There has been, ladies and gentlemen, a woeful lack of comprehension here!"It looked to me like they was beginning to under-stand more than he meant them to. I was wonder-ing how it would all come out, but he never lost his nerve.
"Listen," he says, very earnest, "listen to me.
Somehow the idea seems to have gone forth that there would be a balloon ascension here this after-noon. How, I do not know, for what we advertised, ladies and gentlemen, was that the balloon used by Prof. Alonzo Ackerman, the illustrious aeronaut, would be UPON EXHIBITION. And there she is, ladies and gentlemen, there she is, for every eye to see and gladden with the sight of--right before you, ladies and gentlemen--the balloon of Alonzo Ackerman, the wonderful voyager of the air, exactly as represented. During their long career Kirby and Company have never deceived the pub-lic. Others may, but Kirby and Company are like Caesar's wife--Kirby and Company are above suspicion. It is the province of Kirby's Komedy Kompany, ladies and gentlemen, to spread the glad tidings of innocent amusement throughout the length and breadth of this fair land of ours.
And there she is before you, the balloon as adver-tised, the gallant ship of the air in which the illus-trious Ackerman made so many voyages before he sailed at last into the Great Beyond! You can see her, ladies and gentlemen, straining at her cords, anxious to mount into the heavens and be gone!
It is an education in itself, ladies and gentlemen, a moral education, and well worth coming miles to see. Think of it--think of it--the Acker-man balloon--and then think that the illustrious Ackerman himself--he was my personal friend, ladies and gentlemen, and a true friend sticketh closer than a brother--the illustrious Ackerman is dead. The balloon, ladies and gentlemen, is there, but Ackerman is gone to his reward. Look at that balloon, ladies and gentlemen, and tell me if you can, why should the spirit of mortals be proud? For the man that rode her like a master and tamed her like she was a dove lies cold and dead in a western graveyard, ladies and gentlemen, and she is here, a useless and an idle vanity without the mind that made her go!"Well, he went on and he told a funny story about Alonzo, which I don't believe they ever was no Alonzo Ackerman, and a lot of 'em laughed; and he told a pitiful story, and they got sollum agin, and then another funny story. Well, he had 'em listening, and purty soon most of the crowd is feeling in a good humour toward him, and one feller yells out:
