MINA HARKER'S JOURNAL
23 September.--Jonathan is better after a bad night.
I am so glad that he has plenty of work to do, for that keeps his mind off the terrible things, and oh, I am rejoiced that he is not now weighed down with the responsibility of his new position.
I knew he would be true to himself, and now how proud I am to see my Jonathan rising to the height of his advancement and keeping pace in all ways with the duties that come upon him. He will be away all day till late, for he said he could not lunch at home.
My household work is done, so I shall take his foreign journal, and lock myself up in my room and read it.
24 September.--I hadn't the heart to write last night, that terrible record of Jonathan's upset me so. Poor dear!
How he must have suffered, whether it be true or only imagination.
I wonder if there is any truth in it at all. Did he get his brain fever, and then write all those terrible things, or had he some cause for it all? I suppose I shall never know, for I dare not open the subject to him. And yet that man we saw yesterday! He seemed quite certain of him, poor fellow!
I suppose it was the funeral upset him and sent his mind back on some train of thought.
He believes it all himself. I remember how on our wedding day he said "Unless some solemn duty come upon me to go back to the bitter hours, asleep or awake, mad or sane. . ." There seems to be through it all some thread of continuity.
That fearful Count was coming to London. If it should be, and he came to London, with its teeming millions. . .There may be a solemn duty, and if it come we must not shrink from it.
I shall be prepared. I shall get my typewriter this very hour and begin transcribing. Then we shall be ready for other eyes if required. And if it be wanted, then, perhaps, if I am ready, poor Jonathan may not be upset, for I can speak for him and never let him be troubled or worried with it at all.
If ever Jonathan quite gets over the nervousness he may want to tell me of it all, and I can ask him questions and find out things, and see how I may comfort him.
LETTER, VAN HELSING TO MRS. HARKER
24 September (Confidence)
"Dear Madam, "I pray you to pardon my writing, in that I am so far friend as that I sent to you sad news of Miss Lucy Westenra's death.
By the kindness of Lord Godalming, I am empowered to read her letters and papers, for I am deeply concerned about certain matters vitally important. In them I find some letters from you, which show how great friends you were and how you love her.
Oh, Madam Mina, by that love, I implore you, help me.
It is for others' good that I ask, to redress great wrong, and to lift much and terrible troubles, that may be more great than you can know. May it be that I see you? You can trust me.
I am friend of Dr. John Seward and of Lord Godalming (that was Arthur of Miss Lucy). I must keep it private for the present from all. I should come to Exeter to see you at once if you tell me I am privilege to come, and where and when.
I implore your pardon, Madam. I have read your letters to poor Lucy, and know how good you are and how your husband suffer.
So I pray you, if it may be, enlighten him not, least it may harm.
Again your pardon, and forgive me.
"VAN HELSING"
TELEGRAM, MRS. HARKER TO VAN HELSING
25 September.--Come today by quarter past ten train if you can catch it.
Can see you any time you call. "WILHELMINA HARKER"
MINA HARKER'S JOURNAL
25 September.--I cannot help feeling terribly excited as the time draws near for the visit of Dr. Van Helsing, for somehow I expect that it will throw some light upon Jonathan's sad experience, and as he attended poor dear Lucy in her last illness, he can tell me all about her. That is the reason of his coming.
It is concerning Lucy and her sleep-walking, and not about Jonathan.
Then I shall never know the real truth now! How silly I am.
That awful journal gets hold of my imagination and tinges everything with something of its own color. Of course it is about Lucy. That habit came back to the poor dear, and that awful night on the cliff must have made her ill.
I had almost forgotten in my own affairs how ill she was afterwards.
She must have told him of her sleep-walking adventure on the cliff, and that I knew all about it, and now he wants me to tell him what I know, so that he may understand.
I hope I did right in not saying anything of it to Mrs. Westenra.
I should never forgive myself if any act of mine, were it even a negative one, brought harm on poor dear Lucy.
I hope too, Dr. Van Helsing will not blame me.
I have had so much trouble and anxiety of late that I feel I cannot bear more just at present.
I suppose a cry does us all good at times, clears the air as other rain does. Perhaps it was reading the journal yesterday that upset me, and then Jonathan went away this morning to stay away from me a whole day and night, the first time we have been parted since our marriage. I do hope the dear fellow will take care of himself, and that nothing will occur to upset him.
It is two o'clock, and the doctor will be here soon now.
I shall say nothing of Jonathan's journal unless he asks me.
I am so glad I have typewritten out my own journal, so that, in case he asks about Lucy, I can hand it to him.
It will save much questioning.
Later.--He has come and gone. Oh, what a strange meeting, and how it all makes my head whirl round. I feel like one in a dream. Can it be all possible, or even a part of it?
If I had not read Jonathan's journal first, I should never have accepted even a possibility. Poor, poor, dear Jonathan!
How he must have suffered. Please the good God, all this may not upset him again. I shall try to save him from it.
But it may be even a consolation and a help to him, terrible though it be and awful in its consequences, to know for certain that his eyes and ears and brain did not deceive him, and that it is all true. It may be that it is the doubt which haunts him, that when the doubt is removed, no matter which, waking or dreaming, may prove the truth, he will be more satisfied and better able to bear the shock.
