登陆注册
4710100000176

第176章

"'Ha,' said he, 'I took care not to go in, because of the flying chancres and other wild beasts. I only looked through the chinks of the windows, in order to see how men were manufactured.'

"'And what did you see?' I asked.

"'I saw,' said he, 'a fine woman just being finished, because she only wanted one peg, which a young worker was fitting in with energy.

Directly she was finished she turned round, spoke to, and kissed her manufacturer.'

"'Have your supper,' said I; and the same night I returned into Burgundy, and left him with his mother, being sorely afraid that at the first town he might want to fit a peg into some girl."

"These children often make these sort of answers," said the Parisian.

"One of my neighbour's children revealed the cuckoldom of his father by a reply. One day I asked, to see if he was well instructed at school in religious matters, 'What is hope?' 'One of the king's big archers, who comes here when father goes out,' said he. Indeed, the sergeant of the Archers was named Hope. My friend was dumbfounded at this, and, although to keep his countenance he looked in the mirror, he could not see his horns there."

The baron observed that the boy's remark was good in this way: that Hope is a person who comes to bed with us when the realities of life are out of the way.

"Is a cuckold made in the image of God?" asked the Burgundian.

"No," said the Parisian, "because God was wise in this respect, that he took no wife; therefore is He happy through all eternity."

"But," said the maid-servant, "cuckolds are made in the image of God before they are horned."

Then the three pilgrims began to curse women, saying that they were the cause of all the evils in the world.

"Their heads are as empty as helmets," said the Burgundian.

"Their hearts are as straight as bill-hooks," said the Parisian.

"Why are there so many men pilgrims and so few women pilgrims?" said the German baron.

"Their cursed member never sins," replied the Parisian; "it knows neither father nor mother, the commandments of God, nor those of the Church, neither laws divine or human: their member knows no doctrine, understands no heresies, and cannot be blamed; it is innocent of all, and always on the laugh; its understanding is nil; and for this reason do I hold it in utter detestation."

"I also," said the Burgundian, "and I begin to understand the different reading by a learned man of the verses of the Bible, in which the account of the creation is given. In this Commentary, which in my country we call a Noel, lies the reason of imperfection of this feature of women, of which, different to that of other females, no man can slake the thirst, such diabolical heat existing there. In this Noel is stated that the Lord God, having turned his head to look at a donkey, who had brayed for the first time in his Paradise, while he was manufacturing Eve, the devil seized this moment to put his finger into this divine creature, and made a warm wound, which the Lord took care to close with a stitch, from which comes the maid. By means of this frenum, the woman should remain closed, and children be made in the same manner in which God made the angels, by a pleasure far above carnal pleasure as the heaven is above the earth. Observing this closing, the devil, wild at being done, pinched the Sieur Adam, who was asleep, by the skin, and stretched a portion of it out in imitation of his diabolical tail; but as the father of man was on his back this appendage came out in front. Thus these two productions of the devil had the desire to reunite themselves, following the law of similarities which God had laid down for the conduct of the world.

From this came the first sin and the sorrows of the human race, because God, noticing the devil's work, determined to see what would come of it."

The servant declared that they were quite correct in the statements, for that woman was a bad animal, and that she herself knew some who were better under the ground than on it. The pilgrims, noticing then how pretty the girl was, were afraid of breaking their vows, and went straight to bed. The girl went and told her mistress she was harbouring infidels, and told her what they had said about women.

"Ah!" said the landlady, "what matters it to me the thoughts my customers have in their brains, so long as their purses are well filled."

And when the servant had told of the jewels, she exclaimed--"Ah, these are questions which concern all women. Let us go and reason with them. I'll take the nobles, you can have the citizen."

The landlady, who was the most shameless inhabitant of the duchy of Milan, went into the chamber where the Sire de La Vaugrenand and the German baron were sleeping, and congratulated them upon their vows, saying that the women would not lose much by them; but to accomplish these said vows it was necessary they should endeavour to withstand the strongest temptations. Then she offered to lie down beside them, so anxious were she to see if she would be left unmolested, a thing which had never happened to her yet in the company of a man.

On the morrow, at breakfast, the servant had the ring on her finger, her mistress had the gold chain and the pearl earrings. The three pilgrims stayed in the town about a month, spending there all the money they had in their purses, and agreed that if they had spoken so severely of women it was because they had not known those of Milan.

On his return to Germany the Baron made this observation: that he was only guilty of one sin, that of being in his castle. The Citizen of Paris came back full of stories for his wife, and found her full of Hope. The Burgundian saw Madame de La Vaugrenand so troubled that he nearly died of the consolations he administered to her, in spite of his former opinions. This teaches us to hold our tongues in hostelries.

同类推荐
  • 分甘余话

    分甘余话

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 古刻丛钞

    古刻丛钞

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 宗门十规论

    宗门十规论

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 衍极

    衍极

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • The Three Partners

    The Three Partners

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 风雪伴君眠

    风雪伴君眠

    她一直记得,那人在她耳边低语:“待我君临天下,便以江山为聘,许你一世安乐,如何?”只是,她那时从未知晓,这世上,会有一人,愿为她角逐天下。如若时光不曾辜负,且与他穷尽眼中欢意。罢了,此生负他太多,但求来世,远离朝堂,生于寻常人家。年岁正好,与他携手,漫步于风雪,直至白头……
  • 爆笑兵王

    爆笑兵王

    当兵理由千百种。保家卫国?锻炼自己?谋个好出路?“当然是保家卫国!”许言眼珠子一转,“保家保家,起码要有个家,容我追上校花成个家先!”痞子少年因校花崇拜军人,与之打赌入伍,本以为进去装装逼耍耍酷,就可以回来抱得美人归,年少轻狂的他做梦也想不到,他的人生会因此而改变,他会在部队熔炉的锤炼下,一步步成长为超级兵王,以鲜血与生命捍卫祖国…呜呜,他本不想成为英雄,只想安安静静的做个美男子,没事耍耍人、装装逼、泡泡校花,奈何…
  • 淘喜(中国好小说)

    淘喜(中国好小说)

    杜希丽与文学青年安迪渐生情愫,但希丽已有家室,两人只好私奔。本以为风平浪静,但此时希丽怀孕,使得事情更加不可收拾。安迪为娶希丽,伪造证件就职,却不慎败露反被女老板要挟。眼看两人情感即将破裂,一场地震却使得事情出现转机……
  • 侯府毒妻

    侯府毒妻

    只不过因为温文尔雅的相公为了利益将自己送到别的男人塌上,她就打死怀孕小妾,自焚之前一封告密信让夫家满门抄斩。N多条命换她一条命,值!一觉醒来,她却穿到了京城第一贤妇身上。三从四德,上孝顺婆母,下善待小妾,在侯府忍辱负重,心甘情愿奉上自己大笔嫁妆?想得太美了点!青梅竹马表哥上门恩赐可娶她为妾?一把笤帚挥出门外,癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉,找死!当黑寡妇穿成包子女,侧室小妾靠边站。----小妾们纷纷抱怨,夫人最近抢了她们饭碗,耍狐媚子勾得侯爷在她院子里天天不肯走。某侯爷面色镇定内心抓狂,靠!谁知道他每天只跟对方纯下棋聊天,连床边都摸不到。美人在前,却不知道何时才能吃拆入腹。某侯爷仰天长啸,憋死爷了!
  • 穿越地下城之大魔王三号

    穿越地下城之大魔王三号

    坐在电脑跟前抽一支烟,然后…然后就穿越了。游戏世界里多姿多彩,还有美女相伴,然后开始浪里个浪……
  • The Chaperon

    The Chaperon

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 道德经(中华国学经典)

    道德经(中华国学经典)

    《道德经》分道经和德经两部分,共八十一章,约五千字。虽然篇幅不长,却论述精辟,思想深邃。其内容重在详尽论述作为宇宙本体、万物之源和运动规律的天道,并将这种天道用以关照人道,指导治国和修身,直面现实社会,内容涉及宇宙、自然、社会、人生等诸多方面。
  • 海外童话:范多尔瑟老奶奶和鹳鸟一家

    海外童话:范多尔瑟老奶奶和鹳鸟一家

    本书是刘兴诗爷爷在海外居留期间,根据所见所闻有感而发的一些文学童话作品。其中有的曾经用英文写作,翻译为荷兰文后,首先在海外发表,以后再自己翻译为中文出口转内销。每篇文末均注明写作地点和环境,有别于伪冒海外作品。其中:《谢谢您,施耐尔太太》获1998年陈伯吹儿童文学奖优秀作品奖,并列入《天使在人间》童话卷,中国少年儿童出版社,以及其他一些选集;《没法举行的宴会》是大陆作家的作品唯一选入台湾小学教材者;《圣诞老人之歌》选入王泉根主编《中国最美的童话》,重庆出版社;《泰莎和小金鱼》最早在荷兰发表,并加编者按,指出这是一位中国教授的作品;《星孩子》列入1983年全国红领巾读书读报奖章活动推荐书。
  • 前夫勿烦我

    前夫勿烦我

    休夫会上瘾(女强+江湖+师徒之恋+一女N男)此文慢热,不喜慎入男人靠的住,母猪会上树!十三年的师傅,不告而别,再次相见,却以举动来讽刺她的自作多情。新婚夫婿,喜堂之上,侧妃同进,夜夜春宵,唯独留她独守空闺。许下承诺,转眼却又弃如敝屣。累了,倦了,心也淡了。算计,毒打,禁锢,却远远比不上那一碗黑色打胎药汁,才察觉的小生命胎死腹中,深埋在心底的火焰疯狂燃烧。杀戮开,地狱启,全身浴血的踏出王府,决绝的抛弃过往。再次出现,一纸休书,让当朝王爷从此背负下堂夫之名,佳人自此失去踪影。☆★☆★☆★---本--文--由--潇--湘--书--院--首--发--,--禁--止--转--载!!★☆★☆★☆一年后,江湖出现一仙一魔一妖妙手仙医,一身白衣,飘逸脱俗,每月只为一人医病,想要治病可以,前提条件是,你找的到她。嗜血罗刹,一身黑衣,残酷冷血,每月只亲手杀一人,想要活命可以,前提条件是,你躲得过她。绝艳妖姬,一身红衣,妖艳魅惑,美男环绕,得到的就只有她的人,前提条件是,别和她索要心,因为她无心。可谁能料到……一仙一魔一妖本是同一人。三年的时间,一而再再而三的改嫁,却也一而再再而三的扔下休书离去,这又是为何?难道休夫真的会上瘾?☆★☆★☆★---本--文--由--潇--湘--书--院--首--发--,--禁--止--转--载!!★☆★☆★☆当第一任下堂夫出现在她面前,悔不当初“羽儿,我错了,跟我回去吧。”当师傅金眸满是深情“错了吗,我只想要你幸福啊!我真后悔离开了百草谷。”她却已经美男环绕,目光,不再停留于他们身上。……清秀的他“我的一切都是你给的,我的一切也都是你的。”冷峻的他“我是你的人,你死,我死。”谪仙的他“为了你,我放弃复仇,我只想争取在你身边的资格。”美男多多,桃花朵朵开……下堂夫、前生欠她的男人和她欠的男人,前生置她于死地的女人,情人,情敌,一一出现在她的面前,这是命中注定吗?难道命运注定再一次交集吗?---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------本文简介这只是一场交易,一份契约,困住了她,却困不住他。当他带着她出席在宴会上,才知道他为什么会娶她。
  • 居官格言

    居官格言

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。