登陆注册
4718400000024

第24章 PUBLIC LIFE OF MR. TULRUMBLE - ONCE MAYOR OF MUDFO

'A paper was read by the secretary descriptive of a bay pony with one eye, which had been seen by the author standing in a butcher's cart at the corner of Newgate Market. The communication described the author of the paper as having, in the prosecution of a mercantile pursuit, betaken himself one Saturday morning last summer from Somers Town to Cheapside; in the course of which expedition he had beheld the extraordinary appearance above described. The pony had one distinct eye, and it had been pointed out to him by his friend Captain Blunderbore, of the Horse Marines, who assisted the author in his search, that whenever he winked this eye he whisked his tail (possibly to drive the flies off), but that he always winked and whisked at the same time. The animal was lean, spavined, and tottering; and the author proposed to constitute it of the family of FITFORDOGSMEATAURIOUS. It certainly did occur to him that there was no case on record of a pony with one clearly-defined and distinct organ of vision, winking and whisking at the same moment.

'MR. Q. J. SNUFFLETOFFLE had heard of a pony winking his eye, and likewise of a pony whisking his tail, but whether they were two ponies or the same pony he could not undertake positively to say.

At all events, he was acquainted with no authenticated instance of a simultaneous winking and whisking, and he really could not but doubt the existence of such a marvellous pony in opposition to all those natural laws by which ponies were governed. Referring, however, to the mere question of his one organ of vision, might he suggest the possibility of this pony having been literally half asleep at the time he was seen, and having closed only one eye.

'THE PRESIDENT observed that, whether the pony was half asleep or fast asleep, there could be no doubt that the association was wide awake, and therefore that they had better get the business over, and go to dinner. He had certainly never seen anything analogous to this pony, but he was not prepared to doubt its existence; for he had seen many queerer ponies in his time, though he did not pretend to have seen any more remarkable donkeys than the other gentlemen around him.

'PROFESSOR JOHN KETCH was then called upon to exhibit the skull of the late Mr. Greenacre, which he produced from a blue bag, remarking, on being invited to make any observations that occurred to him, "that he'd pound it as that 'ere 'spectable section had never seed a more gamerer cove nor he vos."'A most animated discussion upon this interesting relic ensued;and, some difference of opinion arising respecting the real character of the deceased gentleman, Mr. Blubb delivered a lecture upon the cranium before him, clearly showing that Mr. Greenacre possessed the organ of destructiveness to a most unusual extent, with a most remarkable development of the organ of carveativeness.

Sir Hookham Snivey was proceeding to combat this opinion, when Professor Ketch suddenly interrupted the proceedings by exclaiming, with great excitement of manner, "Walker!"'THE PRESIDENT begged to call the learned gentleman to order.

'PROFESSOR KETCH. - "Order be blowed! you've got the wrong un, Itell you. It ain't no 'ed at all; it's a coker-nut as my brother-in-law has been a-carvin', to hornament his new baked tatur-stall wots a-comin' down 'ere vile the 'sociation's in the town. Hand over, vill you?"'With these words, Professor Ketch hastily repossessed himself of the cocoa-nut, and drew forth the skull, in mistake for which he had exhibited it. A most interesting conversation ensued; but as there appeared some doubt ultimately whether the skull was Mr.

Greenacre's, or a hospital patient's, or a pauper's, or a man's, or a woman's, or a monkey's, no particular result was obtained.'

'I cannot,' says our talented correspondent in conclusion, 'Icannot close my account of these gigantic researches and sublime and noble triumphs without repeating a BON MOT of Professor Woodensconce's, which shows how the greatest minds may occasionally unbend when truth can be presented to listening ears, clothed in an attractive and playful form. I was standing by, when, after a week of feasting and feeding, that learned gentleman, accompanied by the whole body of wonderful men, entered the hall yesterday, where a sumptuous dinner was prepared; where the richest wines sparkled on the board, and fat bucks - propitiatory sacrifices to learning -sent forth their savoury odours. "Ah!" said Professor Woodensconce, rubbing his hands, "this is what we meet for; this is what inspires us; this is what keeps us together, and beckons us onward; this is the SPREAD of science, and a glorious spread it is."'

同类推荐
  • Black Beauty

    Black Beauty

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 佛说法身经

    佛说法身经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 食疗本草

    食疗本草

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 峥霄馆评定通俗演义型世言

    峥霄馆评定通俗演义型世言

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 钦定平定台湾纪略

    钦定平定台湾纪略

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 面具(祖峰、侯勇、梅婷主演)

    面具(祖峰、侯勇、梅婷主演)

    1948年腊月初一,潜伏在哈尔滨市公安局的国民党特务李春秋被突然唤醒,上级要求他即刻制造炸弹,协助配合绝密的“黑虎计划”。潜伏了十年的李春秋已经快遗忘了自己的使命,拥有幸福平凡生活的他不愿抛妻弃子,开始想尽办法逃脱保密局的控制。除了要对付残忍冷酷的昔日战友,李春秋还在受着现在同事、侦察科丁战国的怀疑和试探。内外交困的李春秋压力重重。最终,故事中的两个主人公李春秋和丁战国,这一对戴着不同面具的对手,在这一年的除夕夜,走向了不同的命运结局……
  • 先生,今晚煮妖怪吗?

    先生,今晚煮妖怪吗?

    一个老妖怪,和一个贪心的人。贪心的人贪心不足,永享富贵几乎唾手可得。可一直帮助他的老妖怪却一心想成为真正的人。一个妖经历了七情六欲,一个人经历了万般富贵。贪心的人最后后悔了。可老妖怪却不想做人了。到底谁是对的,谁从一开始,就错了呢?--情节虚构,请勿模仿
  • 末世精神念力

    末世精神念力

    末世到来,一个瞎眼的女人被男人抛弃,没关系,她激发了精神异能,这完全可以弥补视力缺陷,靠感觉来判断位置,全方位的感知,连视觉死角都没有。这下,可以安全些了,只是,想要拿到超市食物,不被饿死,为了有尊严的活下去,毕须杀出条血路来。正文一:为什么忽然乱了起来,凌晴心里想,听到周围有人喊吃人了,还有周围人的纷乱,这让她很害怕。正文二:‘看’着门里的丧尸,想着不拿食物,自己必然活不下去,鼓起勇气,拿着手里的刀走了过去。告诉自己,杀死它们才能活下去。砍完之后,竟因精神消牦过大,晕了过去。
  • 我读:温一壶月光下酒

    我读:温一壶月光下酒

    《我读:温一壶月光下酒》是由梁文道主讲的书评集。《开卷八分钟》自2007年1月1日开播,2014年12月31日停播,正如梁文道先生所说,这是目前世界上坚持期数最多的读书电视节目。在相当长的一段时间里,这都是一个没有广告、没有赞助商、没有黄金时间的节目。它在商业化、娱乐化的浪潮中清苦地坚守,为大众传媒保留了一丝书卷气。《我读:温一壶月光下酒》即是凤凰书品与博集天卷合作,将节目精华汇编的结果。在这本安静的小书中,梁文道以一个诚实而恳切的引导者的形象出现,用通俗易懂的语言,客观地将各种思潮、社会文化热点传达给读者。每一本书都经过了他的消化吸收,形成了客观而中肯的评论。
  • 镜中离人

    镜中离人

    刘笙和安子卿的爱情,有过刻骨铭心,也有过始乱终弃。刘笙曾想成全安子卿游园惊梦的梦,然而却将她送给了旁人;回念刘笙的安子卿,回到南京之时,刘笙迫于革命党的压迫,娶了亲。恰逢抗日战争爆发,安子卿跟随队伍做了战场的护士。再见到刘笙的时候,已经是时隔多年,安子卿见到刘笙的时候,是在战场上,一眼瞬间,所有的美好尽在眼前,然而战争以及宋茗的复仇还是将两人分开了。新中国成立,刘笙再见到安子卿的时候,刘笙已经失去了双腿,安子卿不再芳华,在北平落寞的戏台上,安子卿唱着那出游园惊梦,最终重逢。
  • 史上最强捉鬼系统

    史上最强捉鬼系统

    林凡的神棍师傅死后给他留下一个空盒子,林凡竟然因此获得最强捉鬼系统,从此林凡人生开始逆袭,走上一条无限装逼之路!
  • 末世之长歌行

    末世之长歌行

    新书《女修重生指南》,无男主。……“前半部分末世场面,后半部分侧重修仙,修仙与末世融合。”无男主。——以上。
  • 豪门弃妇奋斗史

    豪门弃妇奋斗史

    三位有着职业微笑的年轻女孩并排站着,她们每个人手上拿着2套时尚的衣裙。方芹有些诧异,华阳酒店什么时候多了项这么体贴周到的服务。“随便给我一套衣服就好。”方芹想到房间里的凌乱脸上涌出两朵尴尬的红云。“这些衣服早上有位先生已经付过款,小姐还请您全部收下。”甜甜的声音夹杂着羡慕。“衣服我收下,这里没有你们的事情,你们可以走了!”方芹满脸厌恶的看着发出羡慕声音的女孩,因……
  • 被背叛的生活

    被背叛的生活

    《被背叛的生活》主要内容包括居住之道;越来越年轻;无从选择的选择;被背叛的生活;永远需要说“不”;中国知识分子的官瘾;马尔赛尔夫主义;人之恶;成熟的代价;六盘山区的小姑娘;威海的冬天等。
  • 从故事中学会尊敬师长(教青少年为人处事的故事宝库)

    从故事中学会尊敬师长(教青少年为人处事的故事宝库)

    《教青少年为人处事的故事宝库:从故事中学会尊敬师长》选取的尊师敬业的故事,人物很多,范围很广:有帝王中的人物,像魏文侯、燕昭王、秦始皇、汉明帝、唐太宗、宋太祖、清圣祖康熙等;有贤臣名将中的人物,像张良、石勒、岳飞、文天祥、宋濂、史可法、林则徐等;有学者、文人和各类专家中的人物,像孔子、华佗、郑玄、范缜、孙思邈、颜真卿、李时珍等。这些尊师敬业的故事很生动、很感人,它们记叙了莘莘学子不辞劳苦、虔诚拜师的道路历程,表现了求知求学、研习钻研、孜孜砣砣、不馁不止的精神,也展示了师者德高望重、悉心育人、传业授道的崇高思想境界。