登陆注册
5169600000004

第4章

We have been the closest friends over since, nor, of course, has George repeated his odious habit.He acquired it at a country school, where they cultivated peas and only used two-pronged forks, and it was only by living on the Continent where the usage of the four-prong is general, that he lost the horrible custom.

In this point--and in this only--I confess myself a member of the Silver-Fork School; and if this tale but induce one of my readers to pause, to examine in his own mind solemnly, and ask, 'Do I or do I not eat peas with a knife?'--to see the ruin which may fall upon himself by continuing the practice, or his family by beholding the example, these lines will not have been written in vain.

And now, whatever other authors may be, I flatter myself, it will be allowed that I, at least, am a moral man.

By the way, as some readers are dull of comprehension, Imay as well say what the moral of this history is.The moral is this--Society having ordained certain customs, men are bound to obey the law of society, and conform to its harmless orders.

If I should go to the British and Foreign Institute (and heaven forbid I should go under any pretext or in any costume whatever)--if I should go to one of the tea-parties in a dressing-gown and slippers, and not in the usual attire of a gentleman, viz, pumps, a gold waistcoat, a crush hat, a sham frill, and a white choker--I should be insulting society, and EATING PEASE WITH MYKNIFE.Let the porters of the Institute hustle out the individual who shall so offend.Such an offender is, as regards society, a most emphatical and refractory Snob.

It has its code and police as well as governments, and he must conform who would profit by the decrees set forth for their common comfort.

I am naturally averse to egotism, and hate selflaudation consumedly; but I can't help relating here a circumstance illustrative of the point in question, in which I must think I acted with considerable prudence.

Being at Constantinople a few years since--(on a delicate mission),--the Russians were playing a double game, between ourselves, and it became necessary on our part to employ an EXTRA NEGOTIATOR--Leckerbiss Pasha of Roumelia, then Chief Galeongee of the Porte, gave a diplomatic banquet at his summer palace at Bujukdere.I was on the left of the Galeongee, and the Russian agent, Count de Diddloff, on his dexter side.Diddloff is a dandy who would die of a rose in aromatic pain: he had tried to have me assassinated three times in the course of the negotiation; but of course we were friends in public, and saluted each other in the most cordial and charming manner.

The Galeongee is--or was, alas! for a bow-string has done for him--a staunch supporter of the old school of Turkish politics.We dined with our fingers, and had flaps of bread for plates; the only innovation he admitted was the use of European liquors, in which he indulged with great gusto.He was an enormous eater.Amongst the dishes a very large one was placed before him of a lamb dressed in its wool, stuffed with prunes, garlic, assafoetida, capsicums, and other condiments, the most abominable mixture that ever mortal smelt or tasted.The Galeongee ate of this hugely; and pursuing the Eastern fashion, insisted on helping his friends right and left, and when he came to a particularly spicy morsel, would push it with his own hands into his guests' very mouths.

I never shall forget the look of poor Diddloff, when his Excellency, rolling up a large quantity of this into a ball and exclaiming, 'Buk Buk' (it is very good), administered the horrible bolus to Diddloff.The Russian's eyes rolled dreadfully as he received it: he swallowed it with a grimace that I thought must precede a convulsion, and seizing a bottle next him, which he thought was Sauterne, but which turned out to be French brandy, he drank off nearly a pint before he know his error.It finished him; he was carried away from the dining-room almost dead, and laid out to cool in a summer-house on the Bosphorus.

When it came to my turn, I took down the condiment with a smile, said 'Bismillah,' licked my lips with easy gratification, and when the next dish was served, made up a ball myself so dexterously, and popped it down the old Galeongee's mouth with so much grace, that his heart was won.Russia was put out of court at once and THE TREATYof Kabobanople WAS SIGNED.As for Diddloff, all was over with HIM: he was recalled to St.Petersburg, and Sir Roderick Murchison saw him, under the No.3967, working in the Ural mines.

The moral of this tale, I need not say, is, that there are many disagreeable things in society which you are bound to take down, and to do so with a smiling face.

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 幻住庵清规

    幻住庵清规

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 挽救落魄少爷

    挽救落魄少爷

    重生一回,我只想要做个米虫,却不料世事难预好吧,照顾少爷我会,但人际相处咱不怎么懂被陷害流离后,我决定了好好赚钱好好活,至于落魄少爷,等我想通了有本事了再来救你努力奋斗中,某人询问:“覆巢之下无完卵,你可愿我为你筑巢温暖?”我看着他笑得云淡风轻:“无卵,何来‘完’之说?”感谢创世书评团提供论坛书评支持
  • 腹黑王爷糊涂妻

    腹黑王爷糊涂妻

    一个苍老的声音说:“吞下这颗灵珠,我给你一次再续前缘的机会。”于是痛失爱人的冥鼎将自己的灵魂献给一场阴谋,连同自己的爱人一起被带到一个陌生的时空,赌此一生的幸福。男主冥鼎的记忆被封存,只留一根情脉丝丝牵连;女主明荨带着刻骨铭心的记忆踏上了这条艰难的寻爱之路,先后遇上了心机重重的善和王爷,与冥鼎有着相同外表的石陨,默默守护的庆安王爷以及冷峻有为的皇上,许许多多鲜活的人物上演着一出又一出的爱恨离愁,而哪一个才是真正的男主呢?真相慢慢浮出水面,隐藏的一场阴谋也随之昭然于世,男女主人公能逃脱灵珠锁定的命运,守住此生的幸福吗?
  • 明正德游江南

    明正德游江南

    本书的主要讲述了孝宗皇临崩顾命,明武帝即位封臣、谏新君百官联奏 惑少主群阉用谗、诱村愚假装刺客 灭口实真是亏心、钱长亭贤臣话别 临险地智士施谋、假投江守仁归隐 伤县令逆贼为非、白花村真番起,宜川县万程投军、劫贼营刘琼败北失郡县士奎殒躯、郭安人悬梁尽节、杨总制拜本回京、闯官门忠臣殒命、谋奸佞豪杰复仇、两兄妹山寨安身、各英雄桃园效义、贡龙驹蛮王恣志、举虎将金殿扬名、回伏龙驹夺鳌得志、离丰县王氏寻夫……
  • 暖婚宠妻成瘾

    暖婚宠妻成瘾

    她浴血而来,带着两辈的血海深仇,拼尽全力只为夺回原本属于她和母亲的一切,让那些伤害过她们的人付出血的代价。为了报仇,她招惹上一个惹不起的男人,本以为不过是一场各取所需的利用。谁知他却紧追不放,步步紧逼,将她逼至角落。“女人,招惹了我,就想跑,天底下还没有这么便宜的事。”她一脸无辜:“可是我没钱。”“没关系,肉偿!”【关于男主】顾靖南是谁?A市家喻户晓的名门权贵,冷漠无情,深不可测,高不可攀,玩转了太多的血雨腥风。这样的男人,令人望之生畏,闻之丧胆。夏浅浅不解的看向众人:是吗?难道不是一个人傻钱多,气质冷冽,但是又有些腼腆的富二代吗?众人:……他们说的是同一个人吗?【关于爱情】他说:“宝贝儿,欺骗我没关系,但是请注意次数。”可是她却偏偏一次又一次的欺骗,毫不悔改。于是某人继续一次又一次的容忍他说:“做什么都可以,但是不要触碰我的底线。”可是她却骗一次又一次的挑战。于是某人忍无可忍的开始一次又一次的修改底线。这个世上真的会有那么一个人,无论在什么时候,无论你做了事,他都会给予你无尽的包容和宠溺。而对夏浅浅来说,顾靖南就是这样的人。【一】“顾先生,我家珍藏了一瓶不错的红酒,要不要尝尝?”她踮起脚尖,在他的耳边吐气如兰。“好。”他微微挑眉,语气淡淡的应允。面对她拙劣而生涩,并且毫无新意的引诱,他欣然接受。事后,好友嗤笑。“你堂堂顾大少,还缺红酒喝。未免也太不挑了吧?”他冷冷的扫了好友一眼道:“和你有关系?”她于他而言,是甘愿!【女主浸淫娱乐圈,伺机而动,只为复仇!】PS:文有点慢热,但后期一定精彩,希望各位亲们耐心点,不要被表象迷惑啊!绝对的宠文啊!
  • 君似佳期入梦来

    君似佳期入梦来

    人活于世上,若是成为一道光。哪怕仅是在某个瞬间照亮了一个角落,那也是有意义的。若是有个人成为了你的一道光,或是指引,或是照耀,于你于他都是幸运。
  • 绘宗十二忌

    绘宗十二忌

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 怒目金刚

    怒目金刚

    本书系“韩少功作品典藏”之一种,精选了韩少功的《西望茅草地》《爸爸爸》《女女女》《报告政府》《怒目金刚》等19篇中短篇小说。作家一方面坚实地立足中国传统,另一方面有意识地使用西方现代主义和后现代主义的方法,鲜活的人物、奇幻的情节、对历史真相的揭示、直指人心的追问,多种元素构成了其作品凌厉而温厚的风格。本书既是韩少功中短篇小说精读,也是他创作三十多年的名篇荟萃,所选作品大多曾获过奖,有些作品还曾被改编为电影、音乐剧,影响深远。本书还配以湖南作协副主席何立伟所绘插图,以图诠文,在各版本的韩……
  • 先婚厚爱:你好,陆太太

    先婚厚爱:你好,陆太太

    某咖啡厅里,安若虞看着眼前这个正含情脉脉看着自己老公的女人咬牙切齿的道“尹小姐,你是从小到大活的太顺自我感觉太良好了吧,这个世界是都是你说了算,地球都是绕着你转是吧?”再转过头看了一眼笑得正欢的某妖孽道“笑什么笑,回去罚抄结婚证书五遍,抄不完今天别想吃饭”“是,陆太太”她原以为世界上曾经出现过那么一个人之后,其他的人都会变成将就,此花开后更无花。而狐狸先生身体力行的告诉她,此花开尽还有花,会离开的人不算真正的爱人。本文甚宠,大虐无力偶尔小虐,猫系傲娇女主,狐狸系腹黑男主现已开新书《竹马老公,太强势》欢迎收藏围观
  • 莫先生的情深似海

    莫先生的情深似海

    新文已发《隐婚老公,晚上见!》无意间招惹了C市最尊贵霸道的男人,转眼就被贴上了莫太太的标签。于是她从走投无路,到每天的生活只剩下被宠!宠!宠!婚前,莫凌靳告诉她,他什么也不缺,只缺个老婆。婚后,她发现上当,“不是只缺个老婆吗?怎么又缺宝宝?”