"Mother," said Clym, "whatever you do, you will always be dear to me--that you know.But one thing I have a right to say, which is, that at my age I am old enough to know what is best for me."Mrs.Yeobright remained for some time silent and shaken, as if she could say no more.Then she replied, "Best? Is it best for you to injure your prospects for such a voluptuous, idle woman as that? Don't you see that by the very fact of your choosing her you prove that you do not know what is best for you? You give up your whole thought--you set your whole soul--to please a woman.""I do.And that woman is you."
"How can you treat me so flippantly!" said his mother, turning again to him with a tearful look.
"You are unnatural, Clym, and I did not expect it.""Very likely," said he cheerlessly."You did not know the measure you were going to mete me, and therefore did not know the measure that would be returned to you again.""You answer me; you think only of her.You stick to her in all things.""That proves her to be worthy.I have never yet supported what is bad.And I do not care only for her.I care for you and for myself, and for anything that is good.
When a woman once dislikes another she is merciless!""O Clym! please don't go setting down as my fault what is your obstinate wrongheadedness.If you wished to connect yourself with an unworthy person why did you come home here to do it? Why didn't you do it in Paris?--it is more the fashion there.You have come only to distress me, a lonely woman, and shorten my days! I wish that you would bestow your presence where you bestow your love!"Clym said huskily, "You are my mother.I will say no more--beyond this, that I beg your pardon for having thought this my home.I will no longer inflict myself upon you;I'll go." And he went out with tears in his eyes.
It was a sunny afternoon at the beginning of summer, and the moist hollows of the heath had passed from their brown to their green stage.Yeobright walked to the edge of the basin which extended down from Mistover and Rainbarrow.
By this time he was calm, and he looked over the landscape.
In the minor valleys, between the hillocks which diversified the contour of the vale, the fresh young ferns were luxuriantly growing up, ultimately to reach a height of five or six feet.He descended a little way, flung himself down in a spot where a path emerged from one of the small hollows, and waited.Hither it was that he had promised Eustacia to bring his mother this afternoon, that they might meet and be friends.His attempt had utterly failed.
He was in a nest of vivid green.The ferny vegetation round him, though so abundant, was quite uniform--it was a grove of machine-made foliage, a world of green triangles with saw-edges, and not a single flower.
The air was warm with a vaporous warmth, and the stillness was unbroken.Lizards, grasshoppers, and ants were the only living things to be beheld.The scene seemed to belong to the ancient world of the carboniferous period, when the forms of plants were few, and of the fern kind;when there was neither bud nor blossom, nothing but a monotonous extent of leafage, amid which no bird sang.
When he had reclined for some considerable time, gloomily pondering, he discerned above the ferns a drawn bonnet of white silk approaching from the left, and Yeobright knew directly that it covered the head of her he loved.His heart awoke from its apathy to a warm excitement, and, jumping to his feet, he said aloud, "I knew she was sure to come."She vanished in a hollow for a few moments, and then her whole form unfolded itself from the brake.
"Only you here?" she exclaimed, with a disappointed air, whose hollowness was proved by her rising redness and her half-guilty low laugh."Where is Mrs.Yeobright?""She has not come," he replied in a subdued tone.
"I wish I had known that you would be here alone,"she said seriously, "and that we were going to have such an idle, pleasant time as this.Pleasure not known beforehand is half wasted; to anticipate it is to double it.
I have not thought once today of having you all to myself this afternoon, and the actual moment of a thing is so soon gone.""It is indeed."
"Poor Clym!" she continued, looking tenderly into his face.
"You are sad.Something has happened at your home.
Never mind what is--let us only look at what seems.""But, darling, what shall we do?" said he.
"Still go on as we do now--just live on from meeting to meeting, never minding about another day.You, I know, are always thinking of that--I can see you are.But you must not--will you, dear Clym?""You are just like all women.They are ever content to build their lives on any incidental position that offers itself;whilst men would fain make a globe to suit them.
Listen to this, Eustacia.There is a subject I have determined to put off no longer.Your sentiment on the wisdom of Carpe diem does not impress me today.
Our present mode of life must shortly be brought to an end.""It is your mother!"
"It is.I love you none the less in telling you;it is only right you should know."
"I have feared my bliss," she said, with the merest motion of her lips."It has been too intense and consuming.""There is hope yet.There are forty years of work in me yet, and why should you despair? I am only at an awkward turning.
I wish people wouldn't be so ready to think that there is no progress without uniformity.""Ah--your mind runs off to the philosophical side of it.
Well, these sad and hopeless obstacles are welcome in one sense, for they enable us to look with indifference upon the cruel satires that Fate loves to indulge in.
I have heard of people, who, upon coming suddenly into happiness, have died from anxiety lest they should not live to enjoy it.I felt myself in that whimsical state of uneasiness lately; but I shall be spared it now.
Let us walk on."
