They live now.Time, the "artist," has thoroughly whitewashed their heads, but they are very jolly still.On town meeting days the old 'Squire always rides down to the village.In the hind part of his venerable yellow wagon is always a bunch of hay, ostensibly for the old white horse, but really to hide a glass bottle from the vulgar gaze.This bottle has on one side a likeness of Lafayette, and upon the other may be seen the Goddess of Liberty.What the bottle contains inside Icannot positively say, but it is true that 'Squire Wood and Lawyer Jones visit that bottle very frequently on town-meeting days and come back looking quite red in the face.When this redness in the face becomes of the blazing kind, as it generally does by the time the polls close, a short dialogue like this may be heard.
"We shall never play surrender again, Lawyer Jones.""Them days is over, 'Squire Wood!"
2.8.THINGS IN NEW YORK.
The stoodent and connyseer must have noticed and admired in varis parts of the United States of America large yeller hanbills, which not only air gems of art in theirselves, but they troothfully sit forth the attractions of my show--a show, let me here obsarve, that contains many livin' wild animils, every one of which has got a Beautiful Moral.
Them hanbills is sculpt in New York.
& I annoolly repair here to git some more on 'um;&, bein' here, I tho't I'd issoo a Adress to the public on matters and things.
Since last I meyandered these streets, I have bin all over the Pacific Slopes and Utah.I cum back now, with my virtoo unimpaired; but I've got to git some new clothes.
Many changes has taken place, even durin' my short absence, &sum on um is Sollum to contempulate.The house in Varick street, where I used to Board, is bein' torn down.That house, which was rendered memoriable by my livin' into it, is "parsin' away! parsin' away!" But some of the timbers will be made into canes, which will be sold to my admirers at the low price of one dollar each.Thus is changes goin' on continerly.In the New World it is war--in the Old World Empires is totterin' & Dysentaries is crumblin'.These canes is cheap at a dollar.
Sammy Booth, Duane street, sculps my hanbills, & he's artist.
He studid in Rome--State of New York.
I'm here to read the proof-sheets of my hanbils as fast as they're sculpt.You have to watch these ere printers pretty close, for they're jest as apt to spel a wurd rong as anyhow.
But I have time to look around sum & how do I find things? Ireturn to the Atlantic States after a absence of ten months, &what State do I find the country in? Why I don't know what State I find it in.Suffice it to say, that I do not find it in the State of New Jersey.
I find sum things that is cheerin', particly the resolve on the part of the wimin of America to stop wearin' furrin goods.
I never meddle with my wife's things.She may wear muslin from Greenland's icy mountains, and bombazeen from Injy's coral strands, if she wants to; but I'm glad to state that that superior woman has peeled off all her furrin clothes and jumpt into fabrics of domestic manufactur.
But, says sum folks, if you stop importin' things you stop the revenoo.That's all right.We can stand it if the Revenoo can.On the same principle young men should continer to get drunk on French brandy and to smoke their livers as dry as a corn-cob with Cuby cigars because 4-sooth if they don't, it will hurt the Revenoo! This talk 'bout the Revenoo is of the bosh boshy.One thing is tol'bly certin--if we don't send gold out of the country we shall have the consolation of knowing that it is in the country.So I say great credit is doo the wimin for this patriotic move--and to tell the trooth, the wimin genrally know what they're bout.Of all the blessins they're the soothinist.If there'd never bin any wimin, where would my children be to-day?
But I hope this move will lead to other moves that air just as much needed, one of which is a genral and therrer curtainment of expenses all round.The fact is we air gettin' ter'bly extravgant, and onless we paws in our mad career in less than two years the Goddess of Liberty will be seen dodgin' into a Pawn Broker's shop with the other gown done up in a bundle, even if she don't have to Spout the gold stars in her head-band.Let us all take hold jintly, and live and dress centsibly, like our forefathers who know'd moren we do, if they warnt quite so honest! (Suttle goaketh.)There air other cheerin' signs for Ameriky.We don't, for instuns, lack great Gen'rals, and we certinly don't brave sojers--but there's one thing I wish we did lack, and that is our present Congress.
I venture to say that if you sarch the earth all over with a ten-hoss power mikriscope, you won't be able to find such another pack of poppycock gabblers as the present Congress of the United States of America would be able to find--find among their constituents.
Gentleman of the Senit & of the House, you've sot there and draw'd your pay and made summer-complaint speeches long enuff.
The country at large, incloodin' the undersined, is disgusted with you.Why don't you show us a statesman--sumbody who can make a speech that will hit the pop'lar hart right under the great Public weskit? Why don't you show us a statesman who can rise up to the Emergency, and cave in the Emergency's head?
Congress, you won't do.Go home, you mizzerable devils--go home!
At a special Congressional 'lection in my district the other day I delib'ritly voted for Henry Clay.I admit that Henry is dead, but inasmuch as we don't seem to have a live statesman in our National Congress, let us by all means have a first-class corpse.
Them who think that a cane made from the timbers of the house I once boarded in is essenshall to their happiness, should not delay about sendin' the money right on for one.
My reported captur by the North American savijis of Utah, led my wide circle of friends and creditors to think that I had bid adoo to earthly things and was a angel playin' on a golden harp.Hents my rival home was on expected.
