THE PROPHET AND MALKIEL THE SECOND CONVERSE BY TELEGRAM"Hennessey Vivian, 1000 Berkeley Square, W.
"Please wire result of last night's observations from eleven till three inclusive.--Sagittarius.""Jupiter Sagittarius, Sagittarius Lodge, Crampton St.Peter, N.
"Impossible wire result, will write at length after taking further observations to-night.--Vivian.""Certainly write at length, but meanwhile wire all important results in condensed form.--Sagittarius.""Results not sufficiently important to wire, letter without fail to-morrow.--Vivian.""Never mind unimportance, wire whatever results obtained.--Sagittarius."
"On consideration think results too important to wire, will explain by letter.--Vivian.""Your second and third wires in direct contradiction; kindly reconcile opposing statements.--Sagittarius.""Cannot reconcile by wire, will do so by letter.--Vivian.""Then meanwhile request forecast of grandmother so far as gathered last night.--Sagittarius.""Quite impossible discuss grandmother by wire.--Vivian.""Not at all; couch in careful terms, shall understand; no need put grandmother's name.--Sagittarius.""Quite impossible; grandmother too sacred for treatment by wire, long and full letter to-morrow.--Vivian.""Absurd! Call her Harry and wire her future as obtained last night;shall understand.--Sagittarius."
"Cannot possibly consent call grandmother Harry; pray cease;succession of telegraph boys to house attracting general attention in square.--Vivian.""Must insist; then call her Susan and wire.--Sagittarius.""Cannot possibly consent to call her Susan; discussion of such matter by wire not decent; regret must absolutely decline.
--Vivian."
"Madame and self insulted by accusation not decent; demand explanation and apology.--Sagittarius.""Regret; no desire give pain to lady, but this must cease;grandmother and square seriously upset by procession of telegraph boys.--Vivian.""Cannot help square and grandmother; must have last night's result to compare with own observation of grandmother with crab and scorpion.--Sagittarius.""Pray cease; would rather die than discuss grandmother with crab and scorpion by wire.--Vivian.""Rubbish! Call crab Susan, scorpion Jane, grandmother Harry, and wire; absolutely insist.--Sagittarius.""Absolutely decline discuss crab, scorpion and grandmother by wire;final.--Vivian.
"Scandalous! not behaviour of gentleman; Madame cut to heart;infamous.--Sagittarius."
"Mater familiaris pallidibus ira.--Madame Sagittarius.""If receive no reply as to grandmother and crab, et cetera, shall start at once for Square.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.""On no account trouble come up; going out immediately; important engagement.--Vivian.""Madame putting on boots.--Sagittarius."
"Utterly useless put on boots; leaving house.--Vivian.""Madame boots on; tying bonnet.--Sagittarius.""Totally useless tie bonnet; absolutely forced leave house.
--Vivian."
"Madame in pelisse; shall come in wait till your return.
--Sagittarius."
"Regret pelisse; quite useless; out till late evening.--Vivian.""Shall stay till whatever hour; have on hat and bonnet now;starting.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.""For Heaven's sake don't; will wire whatever you wish.--Vivian.""Don't.Ankles perhaps catching; dangerous Capricornus.--Vivian.""Have you started?--Vivian."
"Have not started, but at threshold of door; wire full explanation of crab with grandmother, et cetera, last night or shall start instanter.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.""Truth is very little result last night; did not see crab with grandmother; deeply regret.--Vivian.""Then wire result of scorpion with grandmother.--Sagittarius.""Very sorry did not see scorpion with grandmother.--Vivian.""Impossible; believe stars out; clear sky; self and Madame distinctly observed crab and scorpion with grandmother for four hours.--Sagittarius.""On honour did not see crab, scorpion or grandmother.--Vivian.""Then has grandmother passed over?--Sagittarius.""Certainly not, but no result; pray cease discussion, grandmother and square distracted by incessant uproar of boys at door.
--Vivian."
"Leaving house; with you as soon as possible.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.""Heaven's sake don't; tell truth; did not look through telescope at all last night.--Vivian.""What meaning of this swore oath broken; no gentleman; coming at once for explanation.--Jupiter and Madame Sagittarius.""Stop; sending boy messenger with full explanation; severe accident last night, injured head, so unable look for crab, grandmother and scorpion.--Vivian.""Astounded, upset, Madame says not conduct gentleman; might have seen crab, grandmother and scorpion with injured head; mere excuse --caput mortuus decrepitum cancer.--Sagittarius.""Pray excuse; look to-night without fail; Heaven's sake cease writing; grandmother and whole square amazement, confusion; shall go mad if continues.--Vivian.""Very well, but insist on full letter; confidence in oath much shaken; wires most shifty; gross neglect of crab, grandmother and scorpion.--Sagittarius.""Homo miserum sed magnum est veritatus et praevalebetur.--Madame Sagittarius."
