登陆注册
5224500000075

第75章 CHAPTER 5 The Egotist Becomes a Personage(2)

He walked over to Fifth Avenue, dodging the blind, black menace of umbrellas, and standing in front of Delmonico's hailed an auto-bus. Buttoning his coat closely around him he climbed to the roof, where he rode in solitary state through the thin, persistent rain, stung into alertness by the cool moisture perpetually reborn on his cheek. Somewhere in his mind a conversation began, rather resumed its place in his attention. It was composed not of two voices, but of one, which acted alike as questioner and answerer:

Question. Well-what's the situation?

Answer.That I have about twenty-four dollars to my name.

Q.You have the Lake Geneva estate.

A.But I intend to keep it.

Q.Can you live?

A.I can't imagine not being able to. People make money in books and I've found that I can always do the things that people do in books. Really they are the only things I can do.

Q.Be definite.

A.I don't know what I'll donor have I much curiosity. To-morrow I'm going to leave New York for good. It's a bad town unless you're on top of it.

Q.Do you want a lot of money?

A.No. I am merely afraid of being poor.

Q.Very afraid?

A.Just passively afraid.

Q.Where are you drifting?

A.Don't ask me!

Q.Don't you care?

A.Rather. I don't want to commit moral suicide.

Q.Have you no interests left?

A.None. I've no more virtue to lose. Just as a cooling pot gives off heat, so all through youth and adolescence we give off calories of virtue. That's what's called ingenuousness.

Q.An interesting idea.

A.That's why a "good man going wrong" attracts people. They stand around and literally warm themselves at the calories of virtue he gives off. Sarah makes an unsophisticated remark and the faces simper in delight"How innocent the poor child is!" They're warming themselves at her virtue. But Sarah sees the simper and never makes that remark again. Only she feels a little colder after that.

Q.All your calories gone?

A.All of them. I'm beginning to warm myself at other people's virtue.

Q.Are you corrupt?

A.I think so. I'm not sure. I'm not sure about good and evil at all any more.

Q.Is that a bad sign in itself?

A.Not necessarily.

Q.What would be the test of corruption?

A.Becoming really insincerecalling myself "not such a bad fellow," thinking I regretted my lost youth when I only envy the delights of losing it. Youth is like having a big plate of candy.

Sentimentalists think they want to be in the pure, simple state they were in before they ate the candy. They don't. They just want the fun of eating it all over again. The matron doesn't want to repeat her girlhoodshe wants to repeat her honeymoon. I don't want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again.

Q.Where are you drifting?

This dialogue merged grotesquely into his mind's most familiar statea grotesque blending of desires, worries, exterior impressions and physical reactions.

One Hundred and Twenty-seventh Streetor One Hundred and Thirty-seventh Street.... Two and three look alikeno, not much.

Seat damp ... are clothes absorbing wetness from seat, or seat absorbing dryness from clothes?... Sitting on wet substance gave appendicitis, so Froggy Parker's mother said. Well, he'd had itI'll sue the steamboat company, Beatrice said, and my uncle has a quarter interestdid Beatrice go to heaven?... probably not He represented Beatrice's immortality, also love-affairs of numerous dead men who surely had never thought of him ... if it wasn't appendicitis, influenza maybe. What? One Hundred and Twentieth Street? That must have been One Hundred and Twelfth back there.

One O Two instead of One Two Seven. Rosalind not like Beatrice, Eleanor like Beatrice, only wilder and brainier. Apartments along here expensiveprobably hundred and fifty a monthmaybe two hundred. Uncle had only paid hundred a month for whole great big house in Minneapolis. Question-were the stairs on the left or right as you came in? Anyway, in 12 Univee they were straight back and to the left. What a dirty riverwant to go down there and see if it's dirtyFrench rivers all brown or black, so were Southern rivers. Twenty-four dollars meant four hundred and eighty doughnuts. He could live on it three months and sleep in the park. Wonder where Jill wasJill Bayne, Fayne, Saynewhat the devilneck hurts, darned uncomfortable seat. No desire to sleep with Jill, what could Alec see in her? Alec had a coarse taste in women. Own taste the best; Isabelle, Clara, Rosalind, Eleanor, were all-American. Eleanor would pitch, probably southpaw.

Rosalind was outfield, wonderful hitter, Clara first base, maybe.

Wonder what Humbird's body looked like now. If he himself hadn't been bayonet instructor he'd have gone up to line three months sooner, probably been killed. Where's the darned bell-The street numbers of Riverside Drive were obscured by the mist and dripping trees from anything but the swiftest scrutiny, but Amory had finally caught sight of One One Hundred and Twenty-seventh Street. He got off and with no distinct destination followed a winding, descending sidewalk and came out facing the river, in particular a long pier and a partitioned litter of shipyards for miniature craft: small launches, canoes, rowboats, and catboats. He turned northward and followed the shore, jumped a small wire fence and found himself in a great disorderly yard adjoining a dock. The hulls of many boats in various stages of repair were around him; he smelled sawdust and paint and the scarcely distinguishable fiat odor of the Hudson. A man approached through the heavy gloom.

"Hello," said Amory.

"Got a pass?"

"No. Is this private?"

"This is the Hudson River Sporting and Yacht Club."

"Oh! I didn't know. I'm just resting."

"Well" began the man dubiously.

"I'll go if you want me to."

The man made non-committal noises in his throat and passed on.

Amory seated himself on an overturned boat and leaned forward thoughtfully until his chin rested in his hand.

"Misfortune is liable to make me a damn bad man," he said slowly.

IN THE DROOPING HOURS

同类推荐
  • 幸白鹿观应制

    幸白鹿观应制

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 蒙鞑备录

    蒙鞑备录

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 台湾割据志

    台湾割据志

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 檐曝杂记

    檐曝杂记

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 律吕新书

    律吕新书

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 跟上巨人的脚步

    跟上巨人的脚步

    在巨人的背后,绵亘着一道什么样的历史与精神的地平线?古今中外纷繁驳杂的思想资源,开阔着青年毛泽东的思想理路。早期大力倡导精神上的个人主义和现实主义;五四运动后则从个体自觉延伸到了群体联合和民主自治,激情主张“民众大联合”和建立“湖南共和国”,他的思想探索显得蹒跚而又坚毅...
  • 菩提达磨大师略辨大乘入道四行观

    菩提达磨大师略辨大乘入道四行观

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 易经诀

    易经诀

    一个关于如何摆脱自我的,大侠的传说···
  • 相忘江湖

    相忘江湖

    本书是一部长篇小说,全书以川藏公路为背景,以保护历史文物玉石榴为主线,记述了主人公谯生和好友阿辉、大鼓书艺人老阚等人西行川藏公路发生的一段惊心动魄的故事。作品通过一段旅程串起了阿辉、老阚、殷牍、恰果、刘恒、扎地、石头儿等一系列典型人物形象,从故事的演绎中,可以看到奇异的风景、奇幻的传说和传奇的经历,传递出重情重义、知恩图报、大道无形的传统美德,同时启发人们敬畏自然、保护文化、守望真情的思考。
  • 不是爱情的爱情

    不是爱情的爱情

    三月下旬的一天,许雯总算在电话里听到了史蒙的声音。和平常一样,藏匿了近两个月之久的他不知又从哪冒出来。他说刚下飞机,正在机场的餐厅吃东西。还问许雯想不想过去一起吃?跑到机场吃饭?亏他想得出。对史蒙的即兴之举,许雯倒是司空见惯。但屁颠屁颠地一听他的声音就赶过去,做女人也不能太没分。何况,临走前他们还吵了一架呢。“恐怕不行,我正上班呐。”她声音颤颤的说。“唔,我有两个月没说人话了。”他说。“没错,你从来都只说鬼话。”许雯泄愤似地甩了一句。
  • 夜月若梦

    夜月若梦

    这是一个建立在未来科技世界与其定义的玄幻星球碰遇大背景下发生的故事。按轻小说的行文模式看大概会好理解那么一点。另外请无视书名。
  • 意中人

    意中人

    这世上美好的爱情,就是我喜欢你,你也恰好喜欢着我。一段关于暗恋的少女心事,横贯她整个年少青春。十年光阴,他给了她最好的护佑宠爱,可当她鼓起勇气告白,却意外地遭到了他的拒绝。或许连纪珩东自己都不知道,褚唯愿这三字,早已不仅仅是他的责任,而是已然融入他骨血的至爱之人。他要像个真正的勇士那样,将被他遗失错过的心爱的姑娘,重新找回来。
  • 东林本末

    东林本末

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 幻九域

    幻九域

    消瘦少年~情仇忘我,不抛弃不放弃~踏雷与天斗,踏地震山河~傲世群雄,笑看红尘~九域大陆,强者之尊。
  • 绝世剑域

    绝世剑域

    一代剑神楚天河与敌人展开惊世决战,本该就此斩杀唯一对手,从此傲世苍生!却因为意外的毁灭爆炸,碎裂肉身。却未如想象那般死去,而是携带不屈意志,坚毅剑魂,重生夺舍,来到存在腥风血雨的“梦幻大陆”,就此,他的人生轨迹发生翻天覆地的变化,强者巅峰,再次为他尘封开启!神者,以剑之名,斩天慑地,唯我独尊!