登陆注册
5251700000087

第87章 WAS IT A DREAM?(1)

"I had loved her madly!

"Why does one love? Why does one love? How queer it is to see only one being in the world, to have only one thought in one's mind, only one desire in the heart, and only one name on the lips--a name which comes up continually, rising, like the water in a spring, from the depths of the soul to the lips, a name which one repeats over and over again, which one whispers ceaselessly, everywhere, like a prayer.

"I am going to tell you our story, for love only has one, which is always the same. I met her and loved her; that is all. And for a whole year I have lived on her tenderness, on her caresses, in her arms, in her dresses, on her words, so completely wrapped up, bound, and absorbed in everything which came from her, that I no longer cared whether it was day or night, or whether I was dead or alive, on this old earth of ours.

"And then she died. How? I do not know; I no longer know anything. But one evening she came home wet, for it was raining heavily, and the next day she coughed, and she coughed for about a week, and took to her bed. What happened I do not remember now, but doctors came, wrote, and went away. Medicines were brought, and some women made her drink them. Her hands were hot, her forehead was burning, and her eyes bright and sad. When I spoke to her, she answered me, but I do not remember what we said. Ihave forgotten everything, everything, everything! She died, and I very well remember her slight, feeble sigh. The nurse said:

'Ah!' and I understood, I understood!

"I knew nothing more, nothing. I saw a priest, who said: 'Your mistress?' and it seemed to me as if he were insulting her. As she was dead, nobody had the right to say that any longer, and Iturned him out. Another came who was very kind and tender, and Ished tears when he spoke to me about her.

"They consulted me about the funeral, but I do not remember anything that they said, though I recollected the coffin, and the sound of the hammer when they nailed her down in it. Oh! God, God!

"She was buried! Buried! She! In that hole! Some people came--female friends. I made my escape and ran away. I ran, and then walked through the streets, went home, and the next day started on a journey.

"Yesterday I returned to Paris, and when I saw my room again--our room, our bed, our furniture, everything that remains of the life of a human being after death--I was seized by such a violent attack of fresh grief, that I felt like opening the window and throwing myself out into the street. I could not remain any longer among these things, between these walls which had inclosed and sheltered her, which retained a thousand atoms of her, of her skin and of her breath, in their imperceptible crevices. I took up my hat to make my escape, and just as I reached the door, Ipassed the large glass in the hall, which she had put there so that she might look at herself every day from head to foot as she went out, to see if her toilette looked well, and was correct and pretty, from her little boots to her bonnet.

"I stopped short in front of that looking-glass in which she had so often been reflected--so often, so often, that it must have retained her reflection. I was standing there. trembling, with my eyes fixed on the glass--on that flat, profound, empty glass--which had contained her entirely, and had possessed her as much as I, as my passionate looks had. I felt as if I loved that glass. I touched it; it was cold. Oh! the recollection! sorrowful mirror, burning mirror, horrible mirror, to make men suffer such torments! Happy is the man whose heart forgets everything that it has contained, everything that has passed before it, everything that has looked at itself in it, or has been reflected in its affection, in its love! How I suffer!

"I went out without knowing it, without wishing it, and toward the cemetery. I found her simple grave, a white marble cross, with these few words:

" 'She loved, was loved, and died.'

"She is there, below, decayed! How horrible! I sobbed with my forehead on the ground, and I stopped there for a long time, a long time. Then I saw that it was getting dark, and a strange, mad wish, the wish of a despairing lover, seized me. I wished to pass the night, the last night, in weeping on her grave. But Ishould be seen and driven out. How was I to manage? I was cunning, and got up and began to roam about in that city of the dead. I walked and walked. How small this city is, in comparison with the other, the city in which we live. And yet, how much more numerous the dead are than the living. We want high houses, wide streets, and much room for the four generations who see the daylight at the same time, drink water from the spring, and wine from the vines, and eat bread from the plains.

同类推荐
  • Our Nig

    Our Nig

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 岁序总考全集

    岁序总考全集

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 辩意长者子经

    辩意长者子经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 婆罗岸全传

    婆罗岸全传

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 太上洞玄灵宝赤书玉诀妙经

    太上洞玄灵宝赤书玉诀妙经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 豪门密爱:误惹腹黑总裁

    豪门密爱:误惹腹黑总裁

    她只是养女,没钱没权,本以为安分一生,却被两个男人同时爱着,一个是温柔深情的未婚夫,一个是霸道野蛮的仇人,而她偏偏爱上了她的仇人。躲避等于被杀?相守等于欺辱?那么她宁可不要这些可怜的爱情,誓要做那人上人!
  • 风水师的诅咒

    风水师的诅咒

    爷爷收留的风水先生临终前找了一块风水宝地报答,说是此地出贵人,弊端却是三代之内次子绝后,也就是家中每一代的老二都会绝后!为此,二叔老大不小仍然是个光棍汉,而我,正是家中第三代的老二……一个祖坟,一个希望,一个诅咒。希望如何迎接?诅咒又是否真的避无可避?
  • 弑王冰妃

    弑王冰妃

    女强VS男强!强强联手!爽文无虐,无误会,一对一她,丞相府懦弱的大小姐,任人欺凌,最后惨遭毒害;她,二十一世纪黑道,死神,“死亡圣衣”,杀人不眨眼的白衣天使,生死边缘挣扎,不再相信天长地久;他,当朝弑王,不详之子,自胎中身重奇毒,冷血狠辣,不知情为何物?一朝生死,当她成为她,会有怎样的精彩奇遇?【片段一】“王妃,把飘香楼拆啦!”“哦,拆吧!拆完再给她建一个,别让她无聊。”君皇连头都没抬,说道。站在那的凌冰月嘴角直抽,额头上黑线滑落,能在宠一点不?“王妃,把苏贵妃推下水啦!”“派人给她,小心别受伤!”凌冰月无任何表情,他都免疫啦!………………“王妃呢?”君皇问着在门口的凌冰月。“被皇上叫去了!”呆呆的说道。“什么?!”风一般消失不见……主子啊!那是你父皇啊!…………只剩下在风中凌乱的凌冰月……【片段二】“娘亲,娘亲,”粉雕玉琢的脸颊,泛着淡淡红晕,迈着小步子,扑到凌冰洛的怀中,满脸委屈,两眼泪汪汪的看着她,“呜呜呜呜,爹爹,爹爹总是欺负我,我还这么小,他就让我,就让我离开娘亲,把我关起来,说是培养一代亲无故人后无来者的君王,”眼睛里一闪而过,一丝狡黠。“他还让我,让我”嘴嘟嘟起来,结结巴巴,凌冰洛抱着他,满脸无奈,“怎么了?你爹爹还让你干什么了?”“把我送进梦乡院,说是要学他从小就要学会认识女人!”仰着头,大声说道。“噗!”凌冰洛满脸黑线,额角微微跳动,刚想说话,怀中一空。“臭小子,给老子滚”一个抛物线完美展现。“啊啊”
  • 错爱卑微如尘

    错爱卑微如尘

    苏萱萱爱楚肖睿爱了十年,最终终于如愿嫁给了他。她原本以为嫁给他便是她的幸福,却不知这是一场劫难。她走不进去他的心里,生生地被他折磨了两年之久。等到他知道事情的所有真相后,却和她说爱?那她这两年承受的算什么?
  • 我想和你好好在一起

    我想和你好好在一起

    我们渴望好的爱情,和爱的人永远在一起,可是多数人的感情逃不过“分手”二字,为什么没能好好在一起,无非是不够珍惜不够爱。30则故事,道尽爱情里的分分合合,愿这些故事,让世间的所有深爱不再只是秘密,让所有相爱的人能够好好在一起。
  • 厚爱不及你

    厚爱不及你

    夏久安倒追言肆,整个S城的人都知道,有人说她一往情深,有人说她攀权富贵。她不以为然,依旧整天追在言肆的身后跑,像一个战士一样一路披荆斩棘,清除掉了一路的障碍,以为这样就可以跟他在一起“她啊。”言肆看向她的表情淡淡的,在众人的注视的目光中轻描淡写的开口,“我的一个普通朋友。”
  • 鲁豫有约:男角

    鲁豫有约:男角

    此书收录14位影视界的大腕、名角不为人知的成长故事和他们的爱恨情愁。这些明星人物包括梁家辉、刘德华、黄秋生、张学友、李宗盛、崔健、曾志伟、罗大佑、任贤齐、钟镇涛、秦汉、成龙、吴若甫,罗家英等。鲁豫相信,没有一个男人的故事是不精彩的!
  • 穿越之异世为师

    穿越之异世为师

    麻辣鲜师一朝穿越变身古代小姐,本想过过舒适的米虫生活,不料一时手痒给殴打夫子的熊孩子上了一课之后竟被混蛋皇帝跟一肚子坏水的丞相盯上······【情节虚构,请勿模仿】
  • 十年的好朋友

    十年的好朋友

    从严重偏科的伪“挫穷”到字美人更美的真~网文大神,再到。。。。。。从来自小镇的假“小子”到越挫越勇敢的真~理科学霸,再到。。。。。。一切的转变,都是因为爱你,都是因为被你爱。ShiNian,是你的名字,我的姓名。十年了,我们可不可以不只是好朋友?
  • 中国古代演唱技术理论研究

    中国古代演唱技术理论研究

    中国古代演唱技术理论是一个内容繁杂、自成体系、独具特色的表演理论体系。古代声乐艺术以“唱”为本位的形态特色制约了唱技理论的形态构成。因此,就古代唱技理论的整体构成而言,演唱的技术技巧成为其主体和贯穿始终的重要理论线索,具有明显的统一性。同时,由于历代的唱技研究者多为文人士大夫,其思维模式、美学理想基本一致,故在理论观点上多是一脉相承,且体现了越来越细致繁密的趋势,具有发展的延续性。因而,尽管古代唱技理论看似零散、随意,实际上仍然具有较强的系统性,是比较发达的演唱理论。不同时期的唱技理论有其特定的内在特点和精神,阶段性特征十分明显,体现了古人对演唱实践不断思考、积累的发展过程和规律。