登陆注册
5265500000161

第161章 Chapter I.(1)

If it had not been for those two mettlesome tits, and that madcap of a postillion who drove them from Stilton to Stamford, the thought had never entered my head. He flew like lightning--there was a slope of three miles and a half--we scarce touched the ground--the motion was most rapid--most impetuous--'twas communicated to my brain--my heart partook of it--'By the great God of day,' said I, looking towards the sun, and thrusting my arm out of the fore-window of the chaise, as I made my vow, 'I will lock up my study-door the moment I get home, and throw the key of it ninety feet below the surface of the earth, into the draw-well at the back of my house.'

The London waggon confirmed me in my resolution; it hung tottering upon the hill, scarce progressive, drag'd--drag'd up by eight heavy beasts--'by main strength!--quoth I, nodding--but your betters draw the same way--and something of every body's!--O rare!'

Tell me, ye learned, shall we for ever be adding so much to the bulk--so little to the stock?

Shall we for ever make new books, as apothecaries make new mixtures, by pouring only out of one vessel into another?

Are we for ever to be twisting, and untwisting the same rope? for ever in the same track--for ever at the same pace?

Shall we be destined to the days of eternity, on holy-days, as well as working-days, to be shewing the relicks of learning, as monks do the relicks of their saints--without working one--one single miracle with them?

Who made Man, with powers which dart him from earth to heaven in a moment--that great, that most excellent, and most noble creature of the world--the miracle of nature, as Zoroaster in his book (Greek) called him--the Shekinah of the divine presence, as Chrysostom--the image of God, as Moses--the ray of divinity, as Plato--the marvel of marvels, as Aristotle--to go sneaking on at this pitiful--pimping--pettifogging rate?

I scorn to be as abusive as Horace upon the occasion--but if there is no catachresis in the wish, and no sin in it, I wish from my soul, that every imitator in Great Britain, France, and Ireland, had the farcy for his pains; and that there was a good farcical house, large enough to hold--aye--and sublimate them, shag rag and bob-tail, male and female, all together: and this leads me to the affair of Whiskers--but, by what chain of ideas--Ileave as a legacy in mort-main to Prudes and Tartufs, to enjoy and make the most of.

Upon Whiskers.

I'm sorry I made it--'twas as inconsiderate a promise as ever entered a man's head--A chapter upon whiskers! alas! the world will not bear it--'tis a delicate world--but I knew not of what mettle it was made--nor had I ever seen the under-written fragment; otherwise, as surely as noses are noses, and whiskers are whiskers still (let the world say what it will to the contrary); so surely would I have steered clear of this dangerous chapter.

The Fragment.

. . .--You are half asleep, my good lady, said the old gentleman, taking hold of the old lady's hand, and giving it a gentle squeeze, as he pronounced the word Whiskers--shall we change the subject? By no means, replied the old lady--I like your account of those matters; so throwing a thin gauze handkerchief over her head, and leaning it back upon the chair with her face turned towards him, and advancing her two feet as she reclined herself--I desire, continued she, you will go on.

The old gentleman went on as follows:--Whiskers! cried the queen of Navarre, dropping her knotting ball, as La Fosseuse uttered the word--Whiskers, madam, said La Fosseuse, pinning the ball to the queen's apron, and making a courtesy as she repeated it.

La Fosseuse's voice was naturally soft and low, yet 'twas an articulate voice: and every letter of the word Whiskers fell distinctly upon the queen of Navarre's ear--Whiskers! cried the queen, laying a greater stress upon the word, and as if she had still distrusted her ears--Whiskers! replied La Fosseuse, repeating the word a third time--There is not a cavalier, madam, of his age in Navarre, continued the maid of honour, pressing the page's interest upon the queen, that has so gallant a pair--Of what? cried Margaret, smiling--Of whiskers, said La Fosseuse, with infinite modesty.

The word Whiskers still stood its ground, and continued to be made use of in most of the best companies throughout the little kingdom of Navarre, notwithstanding the indiscreet use which La Fosseuse had made of it: the truth was, La Fosseuse had pronounced the word, not only before the queen, but upon sundry other occasions at court, with an accent which always implied something of a mystery--And as the court of Margaret, as all the world knows, was at that time a mixture of gallantry and devotion--and whiskers being as applicable to the one, as the other, the word naturally stood its ground--it gained full as much as it lost; that is, the clergy were for it--the laity were against it--and for the women,--they were divided.

同类推荐
  • 八识规矩直解

    八识规矩直解

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 绿珠传

    绿珠传

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 温疫论

    温疫论

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 海雪堂峤雅集

    海雪堂峤雅集

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 聚云吹万真禅师语录

    聚云吹万真禅师语录

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 云梦修仙传

    云梦修仙传

    什么?我没有灵根,不能修仙?谁说的?有我上古大神在,灵根还不是分分钟的事?真的吗?快快抱大腿!
  • 上清僊府琼林经

    上清僊府琼林经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 穿越第三帝国

    穿越第三帝国

    她想自己这个野外训练作战兵可以在倒霉一点,不幸遇难却穿越来到二战的德意志,开什么玩笑,她才不要做二战中的牺牲品,还是先去军校磨练磨练把。。
  • 福布斯财富故事会

    福布斯财富故事会

    本书汲取了多年排名前列的成功人士在创业、管理、营销、投资、谈判、决策、战略、创新等方面的成功经验和失败教训,通过讲故事的方式一一道来,渗透着和凝练成一条条切实可行的经典法则,既有指导读者如何走向成功的方法,又有警醒读者如何避免重蹈覆辙的技巧。
  • 无之青冥

    无之青冥

    什么是无:无代表着不存在;什么是有:有代表着存在;什么是无中生有:这代表着从不存在中诞生存在......
  • 两百磅的春天

    两百磅的春天

    他是x市最年轻的亿万总裁,他傲慢,无理,无视一切女人,赌气用一纸契约娶来三十五岁,体重两百磅,脾气暴躁,集诸多缺点为一身的她,宠她没边,给她想要的一切。“大婶,这个古董花瓶你砸的好,刚好看它不爽!”……“大婶,这个火点的好,本少可以帮你火上浇油!”……“大婶,你可以横吃五街,脚踢四海,气死白富美,但是绝对不允许你吃高富帅豆腐!”……
  • 随身空间:重生女修仙

    随身空间:重生女修仙

    人生犹如蜡烛一般,死了就像灭了一般,消失的无影无踪。可是,她偏偏却像小强一样,死了然后又活了。身世神秘,千世轮回,万般劫难,终成正果。他冷酷无情,狠辣无心,却偏偏将她一人置于心间脑海,除了她此生无求。种族覆灭,差点灰飞烟灭,单凭着一股惊人的意志,她靠残魄重生。这一世,她必如凤凰涅槃,笑傲天下。 包月新书《天降横财一千亿》求收,求评,求围观。
  • 城北无旧事

    城北无旧事

    随手兴趣写的短篇合集,或许很老套,或许很狗血,但我很喜欢,不喜勿喷~——1.老莫 2.池鱼思故渊
  • 木叶之进击的鸣人

    木叶之进击的鸣人

    傲娇的女皇——拟人化九尾正式亮瞎你们的~滴~眼!
  • 我在三国当龙神

    我在三国当龙神

    三国时代,是华夏最波澜壮阔的时代,谋士如云,猛将如雨。曹孟德,刘玄德,孙仲谋三雄争霸。刘大路表示:这跟我一点关系都没有,我只是一条蛇而已,拥有龙神系统的我,苟也能把你们苟死。你们打打杀杀,我来改变世界...