It is easy to conceive the embarrassment of my situation; my unpardonable negligence deserved that I should have been broken, instead of which I was rewarded; an instance, this, of the great influence of chance on the affairs of the world. How many generals have gained victories by their very errors, which have been afterwards attributed to their genius! It is evident the sergeant of hussars, who retook me and my men by bringing up his party, was much better entitled than myself to the recompense I received. On many occasions have I since met with disgrace and punishment when Ideserved reward. My inquietude lest the truth should be discovered, was extreme, especially recollecting how many people were in the secret: and my apprehensions were incessant.
As I did not want money, I gave the sergeants twenty ducats each, and the soldiers one, in order to insure their silence, which, being a favourite with them, they readily promised. I, however, was determined to declare the truth the very first opportunity, and this happened a few days after.
We were on our march, and I, as cornet, was at the head of my company, when the King, advancing, beckoned me to come to him, and bade me tell him exactly how the affair I had so lately been engaged in happened.
The question at first made me mistrust I was betrayed, but remarking the King had a mildness in his manner, I presently recovered myself, and related the exact truth. I saw the astonishment of his countenance, but I at the same time saw he was pleased with my sincerity. He spoke to me for half an hour, not as a King, but as a father, praised my candour, and ended with the following words, which, while life remains, I shall never forget: "Confide in the advice I give you; depend wholly upon me, and I will make you a man." Whoever can feel, may imagine how infinitely my gratitude towards the King was increased, by this his great goodness; from that moment I had no other desire than to live and die for his service.
I soon perceived the confidence the King had in me after this explanation, of which I received very frequent marks, the following winter, at Berlin. He permitted me to be present at his conversations with the literati of his court, and my state was truly enviable.
I received this same winter more than five hundred ducats as presents. So much happiness could not but excite jealousy, and this began to be manifest on every side. I had too little disguise for a courtier, and my heart was much too open and frank.
Before I proceed, I will here relate an incident which happened during the last campaign, and which will, no doubt, be read in the history of Frederic.
On the rout while retreating through Bohemia, the King came to Kollin, with his horse-guards, the cavalry piquets of the head-quarters, and the second and third battalions of guards. We had only four field pieces, and our squadron was stationed in one of the suburbs. Our advance posts, towards evening, were driven back into the town, and the hussars entered pell-mell: the enemy's light troops swarmed over the country, and my commanding officer sent me immediately to receive the King's orders. After much search, Ifound him at the top of a steeple, with a telescope in his hand.
Never did I see him so disturbed or undecided as on this occasion.
Orders were immediately given that we should retreat through the city, into the opposite suburb, where we were to halt, but not unsaddle.
We had not been here long before a most heavy rain fell, and the night became exceedingly dark. My cousin Trenck made his approach about nine in the evening, with his pandour and janissary music, and set fire to several houses. They found we were in the suburb, and began to fire upon us from the city windows. The tumult became extreme: the city was too full for us to re-enter: the gate was shut, and they fired from above at us with our field-pieces. Trenck had let in the waters upon us, and we were up to the girths by midnight, and almost in despair. We lost seven men, and my horse was wounded in the neck.
The King, and all of us, had certainly been made prisoners had my cousin, as he has since told me, been able to continue the assault he had begun: but a cannon ball having wounded him in the foot, he was carried off, and the pandours retired. The corps of Nassau arrived next day to our aid; we quitted Kollin, and during the march the King said to me, "Your cousin had nearly played us a malicious prank last night, but the deserters say he is killed." He then asked what our relationship was, and there our conversation ended.
