"When she was eighteen she married--a man who was going up to Juneau to start a restaurant.He had a few dollars saved, and appeared prosperous.She didn't love him--she was emphatic about that, but she was all tired out, and she wanted to get away from the unending drudgery.Besides, Juneau was in Alaska, and her yearning took the form of a desire to see that wonderland.But little she saw of it.He started the restaurant, a little cheap one, and she quickly learned what he had married her for.....to save paying wages.She came pretty close to running the joint and doing all the work from waiting to dishwashing.She cooked most of the time as well.And she had four years of it.
"Can't you picture her, this wild woods creature, quick with every old primitive instinct, yearning for the free open, and mowed up in a vile little hash-joint and toiling and moiling for four mortal years?
"'There was no meaning in anything,' she said.'What was it all about! Why was I born! Was that all the meaning of life--just to work and work and be always tired!--to go to bed tired and to wake up tired, with every day like every other day unless it was harder?' She had heard talk of immortal life from the gospel sharps, she said, but she could not reckon that what she was doin' was a likely preparation for her immortality.
"But she still had her dreams, though more rarely.She had read a few books--what, it is pretty hard to imagine, Seaside Library novels most likely; yet they had been food for fancy.
'Sometimes,' she said, 'when I was that dizzy from the heat of the cooking that if I didn't take a breath of fresh air I'd faint, I'd stick my head out of the kitchen window, and close my eyes and see most wonderful things.All of a sudden I'd be traveling down a country road, and everything clean and quiet, no dust, no dirt; just streams ripplin' down sweet meadows, and lambs playing, breezes blowing the breath of flowers, and soft sunshine over everything; and lovely cows lazying knee-deep in quiet pools, and young girls bathing in a curve of stream all white and slim and natural--and I'd know I was in Arcady.I'd read about that country once, in a book.And maybe knights, all flashing in the sun, would come riding around a bend in the road, or a lady on a milk-white mare, and in the distance Icould see the towers of a castle rising, or I just knew, on the next turn, that I'd come upon some palace, all white and airy and fairy-like, with fountains playing, and flowers all over everything, and peacocks on the lawn.....and then I'd open my eyes, and the heat of the cooking range would strike on me, and I'd hear Jake sayin'--he was my husband--I'd hear Jake sayin', "Why ain't you served them beans? Think I can wait here all day!" Romance!--I reckon the nearest I ever come to it was when a drunken Armenian cook got the snakes and tried to cut my throat with a potato knife and I got my arm burned on the stove before I could lay him out with the potato stomper.
"'I wanted easy ways, and lovely things, and Romance and all that; but it just seemed I had no luck nohow and was only and expressly born for cooking and dishwashing.There was a wild crowd in Juneau them days, but I looked at the other women, and their way of life didn't excite me.I reckon I wanted to be clean.I don't know why; I just wanted to, I guess; and Ireckoned I might as well die dishwashing as die their way."Trefethan halted in his tale for a moment, completing to himself some thread of thought.
"And this is the woman I met up there in the Arctic, running a tribe of wild Indians and a few thousand square miles of hunting territory.And it happened, simply enough, though, for that matter, she might have lived and died among the pots and pans.But 'Came the whisper, came the vision.' That was all she needed, and she got it.
"'I woke up one day,' she said.'Just happened on it in a scrap of newspaper.I remember every word of it, and I can give it to you.' And then she quoted Thoreau's Cry of the Human:
"'The young pines springing up, in the corn field from year to year are to me a refreshing fact.We talk of civilizing the Indian, but that is not the name for his improvement.By the wary independence and aloofness of his dim forest life he preserves his intercourse with his native gods and is admitted from time to time to a rare and peculiar society with nature.
He has glances of starry recognition, to which our saloons are strangers.The steady illumination of his qenius, dim only because distant, is like the faint but satisfying light of the stars compared with the dazzling but ineffectual and short-lived blaze of candles.The Society Islanders had their day-born gods, but they were not supposed to be of equal antiquity with the.....night-born gods.'
"That's what she did, repeated it word for word, and I forgot the tang, for it was solemn, a declaration of religion--pagan, if you will; and clothed in the living garmenture of herself.
"'And the rest of it was torn away,' she added, a great emptiness in her voice.'It was only a scrap of newspaper.But that Thoreau was a wise man.I wish I knew more about him.' She stopped a moment, and I swear her face was ineffably holy as she said, 'I could have made him a good wife.'
"And then she went on.'I knew right away, as soon as I read that, what was the matter with me.I was a night-born.I, who had lived all my life with the day-born, was a night-born.That was why I had never been satisfied with cooking and dishwashing; that was why I had hankered to run naked in the moonlight.And I knew that this dirty little Juneau hash-joint was no place for me.And right there and then I said, "I quit."I packed up my few rags of clothes, and started.Jake saw me and tried to stop me.
"'What you doing?" he says.
"'Divorcin' you and me,' I says.'I'm headin' for tall timber and where I belong.'""'No you don't," he says, reaching for me to stop me."The cooking has got on your head.You listen to me talk before you up and do anything brash.'""'But I pulled a gun-a little Colt's forty-four--and says, "This does my talkin' for me.'""'And I left.'"
