"Very true; but to-day is a day by itself.""There is nothing to prevent their going back to Lucerne.
I depend upon your taking charge of them."At this Rowland reclined upon the grass again; and again, after reflection, he faced his friend."How would you express,"he asked, "the character of the profit that you expect to derive from your excursion?""I see no need of expressing it.The proof of the pudding is in the eating!
The case is simply this.I desire immensely to be near Christina Light, and it is such a huge refreshment to find myself again desiring something, that I propose to drift with the current.As I say, she has waked me up, and it is possible something may come of it.She makes me feel as if Iwere alive again.This," and he glanced down at the inn, "I call death!""That I am very grateful to hear.You really feel as if you might do something?""Don't ask too much.I only know that she makes my heart beat, makes me see visions.""You feel encouraged?"
"I feel excited."
"You are really looking better."
"I am glad to hear it.Now that I have answered your questions, please to give me the money."Rowland shook his head."For that purpose, I can't!""You can't?"
"It 's impossible.Your plan is rank folly.I can't help you in it."Roderick flushed a little, and his eye expanded."I will borrow what money I can, then, from Mary!" This was not viciously said;it had simply the ring of passionate resolution.
Instantly it brought Rowland to terms.He took a bunch of keys from his pocket and tossed it upon the grass.
"The little brass one opens my dressing-case," he said.
"You will find money in it."
Roderick let the keys lie; something seemed to have struck him;he looked askance at his friend."You are awfully gallant!""You certainly are not.Your proposal is an outrage.""Very likely.It 's a proof the more of my desire.""If you have so much steam on, then, use it for something else.
You say you are awake again.I am delighted; only be so in the best sense.Is n't it very plain? If you have the energy to desire, you have also the energy to reason and to judge.
If you can care to go, you can also care to stay, and staying being the more profitable course, the inspiration, on that side, for a man who has his self-confidence to win back again, should be greater."Roderick, plainly, did not relish this simple logic, and his eye grew angry as he listened to its echo.
"Oh, the devil!" he cried.
Rowland went on."Do you believe that hanging about Christina Light will do you any good? Do you believe it won't? In either case you should keep away from her.If it won't, it 's your duty;and if it will, you can get on without it.""Do me good?" cried Roderick."What do I want of 'good'--what should I do with 'good'? I want what she gives me, call it by what name you will.I want to ask no questions, but to take what comes and let it fill the impossible hours!
But I did n't come to discuss the matter.""I have not the least desire to discuss it," said Rowland.
"I simply protest."
Roderick meditated a moment."I have never yet thought twice of accepting a favor of you," he said at last; "but this one sticks in my throat.""It is not a favor; I lend you the money only under compulsion.""Well, then, I will take it only under compulsion!" Roderick exclaimed.
And he sprang up abruptly and marched away.
His words were ambiguous; Rowland lay on the grass, wondering what they meant.Half an hour had not elapsed before Roderick reappeared, heated with rapid walking, and wiping his forehead.He flung himself down and looked at his friend with an eye which expressed something purer than bravado and yet baser than conviction.
"I have done my best!" he said."My mother is out of money;she is expecting next week some circular notes from London.
She had only ten francs in her pocket.Mary Garland gave me every sou she possessed in the world.It makes exactly thirty-four francs.
That 's not enough."
"You asked Miss Garland?" cried Rowland.
"I asked her."
"And told her your purpose?"
"I named no names.But she knew!"
"What did she say?"
"Not a syllable.She simply emptied her purse."Rowland turned over and buried his face in his arms.
He felt a movement of irrepressible elation, and he barely stifled a cry of joy.Now, surely, Roderick had shattered the last link in the chain that bound Mary to him, and after this she would be free!....When he turned about again, Roderick was still sitting there, and he had not touched the keys which lay on the grass.
"I don't know what is the matter with me," said Roderick, "but I have an insurmountable aversion to taking your money.""The matter, I suppose, is that you have a grain of wisdom left.""No, it 's not that.It 's a kind of brute instinct.
I find it extremely provoking!" He sat there for some time with his head in his hands and his eyes on the ground.
His lips were compressed, and he was evidently, in fact, in a state of profound irritation."You have succeeded in making this thing excessively unpleasant!" he exclaimed.
"I am sorry," said Rowland, "but I can't see it in any other way.
"
"That I believe, and I resent the range of your vision pretending to be the limit of my action.You can't feel for me nor judge for me, and there are certain things you know nothing about.
I have suffered, sir!" Roderick went on with increasing emphasis.
"I have suffered damnable torments.Have I been such a placid, contented, comfortable man this last six months, that when I find a chance to forget my misery, I should take such pains not to profit by it?
You ask too much, for a man who himself has no occasion to play the hero.
I don't say that invidiously; it 's your disposition, and you can't help it.
But decidedly, there are certain things you know nothing about."Rowland listened to this outbreak with open eyes, and Roderick, if he had been less intent upon his own eloquence, would probably have perceived that he turned pale.
"These things--what are they?" Rowland asked.
"They are women, principally, and what relates to women.
Women for you, by what I can make out, mean nothing.
