CAPT. M. There go the bells! Come an-unless you'd rather not.
(They ride off.)
BELLS.-
"We honor the King And Brides joy do bring- Good tidings we tell, And ring the Dead's knell."CAPT. G. (Dismounting at the door of the Church.) I say, aren't we much too soon? There are no end of people inside. I say, aren't we much too late? Stick by me, Jack! What the devil do I do?
CAPT. M. Strike an attitude at the bead of the aisle and wait for Her. (G. groans as M. wheels him into position he/ore three hundred eyes.)CAPT. M. (Imploringly.) Gaddy, if you love me, for pity's sake, for the Honor of the Regiment, stand up! Chuck yourself into your uniform! Look like a man! I've got to speak to the Padre a minute.
(G. breaks into a gentle Perspiration.) your face I'll never man again. Stand up! visibly.) If you wipe your face I'll never be your best man again. Stand up! (G. Trembles visibly.)CAPT. M. (Returning.) She's commg now. Look out when the music starts. There's the organ beginning to clack.
Bride steps out of 'rickshaw at Church door. G. catches a glimpse o/ her and takes heart.
ORGAN.-
"The Voice that breathed o'er Eden, That earliest marriage day, The primal marriage-blessing, It hath not passed away."CAPT. M. (Watching G.) By Jove! He is looking well. 'Didn't think he had it in him.
CAPT. G. How long does this hymn go on for?
CAPT. M. It will be over directly. (Ansiously.) Beginning to vleach and gulp. Hold on, Gabby, and think o' the Regiment.
CAPT. G. (Measuredly.) I say there's a big brown lizard crawling up that wall.
CAPT. M. My Sainted Mother! The last stage of collapse!
Bride comes Up to left of altar, lifts her eyes once to G., who is suddenly smitten mad.
CAPT. G. (TO himself again and again.) Little Featherweight's a woman-a woman! And I thought she was a little girl.
CAPT. M. (In a whisper.) Form the halt-inward wheel.
CAPT. G. obeys mechanically and the ceremony proceeds.
PADRE. . . . only unto her as ye both shall live?
CAPT. G. (His throat useless.) Ha-hmmm!
CAPT. M. Say you will or you won't. There's no second deal here.
Bride gives response with perfect coomess, and is given away by the father.
CAPT. G. (Thinking to show his learning.) Jack give me away now, quick!
CAPT. M. You've given yourself away quite enough. Her right hand, man! Repeat! Repeat! "Theodore Philip." Have you forgotten your own name?
CAPT. G. stumbles through Affirmation, which Bride repeats without a tremor.
CAPT. M. Now the ring! Follow the Padre! Don't pull off my glove! Here it is! Great Cupid, he's found his voice.
CAPT. G. repeats Troth in a voice to be heard to the end of the Church and turns on his heel.
CAPT. M. (Desperately.) Rein back! Back to your troop! 'Tisn't half legal yet.
PADRE. . . . joined together let no man put asunder.
CAPT. G. paralyzed with fear jibs after Blessing.
CAPT. M. (Quickly.) On your own front-one length. Take her with you. I don't come. You've nothing to say. (CAPT. G. jingles up to altar.)CAPT. M. (In a piercing rattle meant to be a whisper.) Kneel, you stiff-necked ruffian! Kneel!
PADRE. . . whose daughters are ye so long as ye do well and are not afraid with any amazement.
CAPT. M. Dismiss! Break off! Left wheel!
All troop to vestry. They sign.
CAPT. M. Kiss Her, Gaddy.
CAPT. G. (Rubbing the ink into his glove.) Eh! Wha-at?
CAPT. M. (Taking one pace to Bride.) If you don't, I shall.
CAPT. G. (Interposing an arm.) Not this journey!
General kissing, in which CAPT. G. is pursued by unknown female.
CAPT. G. (Faintly to M.) This is Hades! Can I wipe my face now?
CAPT. M. My responsibility has ended. Better ask Misses GADSAY.
CAPT. G. winces as though shot and procession is Mendelssohned out of Church to house, where usual tortures take place over the wedding-cake.
CAPT. M. (At table.) Up with you, Gaddy. They expect a speech.
CAPT. G. (After three minutes' agony.) Ha-hmmm. (Thunders Of applause.)CAPT. M. Doocid good, for a first attempt. Now go and change your kit while Mamma is weeping over_"the Missus." (CAPT. G.
disappears. CAPT. M. starts up tearing his hair.) It's not half legal.
Where are the shoes? Get an ayah.
AVAH. Missie Captain Sahib done gone band karo all the jutis.
CAPT. M. (Brandishing scab larded sword.) Woman, produce those shoes Some one lend me a bread-knife. We mustn't crack Gaddy's head more than it is. (Slices heel off white satin slipper and puts slipper up his sleeve.)Where is the Bride? (To the company at large.) Be tender with that rice. It's a heathen custom. Give me the big bag.
* * * * * *
Bride slips out quietly into 'rickshaw and departs toward the sun-set.
CAPT. M. (In the open.) Stole away, by Jove! So much the worse for Gaddy! Here he is. Now Gaddy, this'll be livelier than Amdberan! Where's your horse?
CAPT. G. (Furiously, seeing that the women are out of an earshot.)Where the-is my Wife?
CAPT. M. Half-way to Mahasu by this time. You'll have to ride like Young Lochinvar.
Horse comes round on his hind legs; refuses to let G. handle him.
CAPT. G. Oh you will, will you? Get 'round, you brute-you hog-you beast! Get round!
Wrenches horse's head over, nearly breaking lower jaw: swings himself into saddle, and sends home both spurs in the midst of a spattering gale of Best Patna.
CAPT. M. For your life and your love-ride, Gaddy -And God bless you!
Throws half a pound of rice at G. who disappears, bowed forward on the saddle, in a cloud of sun-lit dust.
CAPT. M. I've lost old Gaddy. (Lights cigarette and strolls off, singing absently):-"You may carve it on his tombstone, you may cut it on his card, That a young man married is a young man marred!"Miss DEERCOURT. (From her horse.) Really, Captain Mafflin!
You are more plain spoken than polite!
CAPT. M. (Aside.) They say marriage is like cholera. 'Wonder who'll be the next victim.
White satin slipper slides from his sleeve and falls at his feet. Left wondering.
THE GARDEN OF EDEN And ye shall be as-Gods!
