Fanny,whether near or from her cousins,whether in the schoolroom,the drawing-room,or the shrubbery,was equally forlorn,finding something to fear in every person and place.She was disheartened by Lady Bertram's silence,awed by Sir Thomas's grave looks,and quite overcome by Mrs Norris's admonitions.Her elder cousins mortified her by reflections on her size,and abashed her by noticing her shyness;Miss Lee wondered at her ignorance,and the maidservants sneered at her clothes;and when to these sorrows was added the idea of the brothers and sisters among whom she had always been important as playfellow,instructress,and nurse,the despondence that sunk her little heart was severe.
The grandeur of the house astonished,but could not console her.The rooms were too large for her to move in with ease;whatever she touched she expected to injure,and she crept about in constant terror of something or other;often retreating towards her own chamber to cry;and the little girl who was spoken of in the drawing-room when she left it at night,as seeming so desirably sensible of her peculiar good fortune,ended every day's sorrows by sobbing herself to sleep.A week had passed in this way,and no suspicion of it conveyed by her quiet passive manner,when she was found one morning by her cousin Edmund,the youngest of the sons,sitting crying on the attic stairs.
‘My dear little cousin,’said he with all the gentleness of an excellent nature,‘what can be the matter?’And sitting down by her,was at great pains to overcome her shame in being so surprised,and persuade her to speak openly.‘Was she ill?or was anybody angry with her?or had she quarrelled with Maria and Julia?or was she puzzled about anything in her lesson that he could explain?Did she,in short,want anything he could possibly get her,or do for her?’For a long while no answer could be obtained beyond a ‘no,no-not at all-no,thank you;’but he still persevered,and no sooner had he begun to revert to her own home,than her increased sobs explained to him where the grievance lay.He tried to console her.
‘You are sorry to leave Mamma,my dear little Fanny,’said he,‘which shows you to be a very good girl;but you must remember that you are with relations and friends,who all love you,and wish to make you happy.Let us walk out in the park,and you shall tell me all about your brothers and sisters.’
On pursuing the subject,he found that dear as all these brothers and sisters generally were,there was one among them who ran more in her thoughts than the rest.It was William whom she talked of most and wanted most to see.William,the eldest,a year older than herself,her constant companion and friend;her advocate with her mother (of whom he was the darling)in every distress.‘William did not like she should come away-he had told her he should miss her very much indeed.’‘But William will write to you,I dare say.’‘Yes,he had promised he would,but he had told her to write first.’‘And when shall you do it?’She hung her head and answered hesitatingly,‘she did not know;she had not any paper.’
‘If that be all your difficulty,I will furnish you with paper and every other material,and you may write your letter whenever you choose.Would it make you happy to write to William?’
‘Yes,very.’
‘Then let it be done now.Come with me into the breakfast-room,we shall find everything there,and be sure of having the room to ourselves.’
‘But,cousin-will it go to the post?’
‘Yes,depend upon me it shall;it shall go with the other letters;and as your uncle will frank it,it will cost William nothing.’
‘My uncle!’repeated Fanny with a frightened look.
‘Yes,when you have written the letter,I will take it to my father to frank.’
Fanny thought it a bold measure,but offered no farther resistance;and they went together into the breakfast-room,where Edmund prepared her paper,and ruled her lines with all the good will that her brother could himself have felt,and probably with somewhat more exactness.He continued with her the whole time of her writing,to assist her with his penknife or his orthography,as either were wanted;and added to these attentions,which she felt very much,a kindness to her brother,which delighted her beyond all the rest.He wrote with his own hand his love to his cousin William,and sent him half a guinea under the seal.Fanny's feelings on the occasion were such as she believed herself incapable of expressing;but her countenance and a few artless words fully conveyed all their gratitude and delight,and her cousin began to find her an interesting object.He talked to her more,and from all that she said,was convinced of her having an affectionate heart,and a strong desire of doing right;and he could perceive her to be farther entitled to attention,by great sensibility of her situation,and great timidity.He had never knowingly given her pain,but he now felt that she required more positive kindness,and with that view endeavoured,in the first place,to lessen her fears of them all,and gave her especially a great deal of good advice as to playing with Maria and Julia,and being as merry as possible.
