SPAR.Well, I was engaged to her for six months and if she still makes eyes at me, you must attribute it to force of habit.
Besides--remember--we are only half-married at present.
NICE.I suppose you mean that you are going to treat me as shamefully as you treated her.Very well, break it off if you like.I shall not offer any objection.Thespis used to be very attentive to me.I'd just as soon be a manager's wife as a fifth-rate actor's.
[Chorus heard, at first below, then enter Daphne, Pretteia, Preposteros, Stupidas, Tipseion, Cymon, and other members of Thespis's company climbing over rocks at back.All carry small baskets.]
CHO.[with dance] Climbing over rocky mountain Skipping rivulet and fountain, Passing where the willows quiver By the ever rolling river, Swollen with the summer rain.
Threading long and leafy mazes, Dotted with unnumbered daisies, Scaling rough and rugged passes, Climb the hearty lads and lasses, Til the mountain-top they gain.
FIRST VOICE.Fill the cup and tread the measure Make the most of fleeting leisure.
Hail it as a true ally Though it perish bye and bye.
SECOND VOICE.Every moment brings a treasure Of its own especial pleasure, Though the moments quickly die, Greet them gaily as they fly.
THIRD VOICE.Far away from grief and care, High up in the mountain air, Let us live and reign alone, In a world that's all our own.
FOURTH VOICE.Here enthroned in the sky, Far away from mortal eye, We'll be gods and make decrees, Those may honor them who please.
CHO.Fill the cup and tread the measure...etc.
[After Chorus and Couples enter, Thespis climbing over rocks]
THES.Bless you, my people, bless you.Let the revels commence.
After all, for thorough, unconstrained unconventional enjoyment give me a picnic.
PREP.[very gloomily] Give him a picnic, somebody.
THES.Be quiet, Preposteros.Don't interrupt.
PREP.Ha.Ha.Shut up again.But no matter.
[Stupidas endeavors, in pantomime, to reconcile him.Throughout the scene Prep shows symptoms of breaking out into a furious passion, and Stupidas does all he can to pacify and restrain him.]
THES.The best of a picnic is that everybody contributes what he pleases, and nobody knows what anybody else has brought til the last moment.Now, unpack everybody and let's see what there is for everybody.
NICE.I have brought you--a bottle of soda water--for the claret-cup.
DAPH.I have brought you--lettuce for the lobster salad.
SPAR.A piece of ice--for the claret-cup.
PRETT.A bottle of vinegar--for the lobster salad.
CYMON.A bunch of burrage for the claret-cup.
TIPS.A hard boiled egg--for the lobster salad.
STUP.One lump of sugar for the claret-cup.
PREP.He has brought one lump of sugar for the claret-cup? Ha.
Ha.Ha.[laughing melodramatically]
STUP.Well, Preposteros, what have you brought?
PREP.I have brought two lumps of the very best salt for the lobster salad.
THES.Oh--is that all?
PREP.All.Ha.Ha.He asks if it is all.{Stup.consoles him]
THES.But, I say--this is capital so far as it goes.Nothing could be better, but it doesn't go far enough.The claret, for instance.I don't insist on claret--or a lobster--I don't insist on lobster, but a lobster salad without a lobster, why it isn't lobster salad.Here, Tipseion.
TIP.[a very drunken, bloated fellow, dressed, however, with scrupulous accuracy and wearing a large medal around his neck] My master.[Falls on his knees to Thes.and kisses his robe.]
THES.Get up--don't be a fool.Where's the claret? We arranged last week that you were to see to that.
TIPS.True, dear master.But then I was a drunkard.
THES.You were.
TIPS.You engaged me to play convivial parts on the strength of my personal appearance.
THES.I did.
TIPS.Then you found that my habits interfered with my duties as low comedian.
THES.True.
TIPS.You said yesterday that unless I took the pledge you would dismiss me from your company.
THES.Quite so.
TIPS.Good.I have taken it.It is all I have taken since yesterday.My preserver.[embraces him]
THES.Yes, but where's the wine?
TIPS.I left it behind that I might not be tempted to violate my pledge.
PREP.Minion.[Attempts to get at him, is restrained by Stupidas]
THES.Now, Preposteros, what is the matter with you?
PREP.It is enough that I am down-trodden in my profession.Iwill not submit to imposition out of it.It is enough that as your heavy villain I get the worst of it every night in a combat of six.I will not submit to insult in the day time.I have come out.Ha.Ha.to enjoy myself.
THES.But look here, you know--virtue only triumphs at night from seven to ten--vice gets the best of it during the other twenty one hours.Won't that satisfy you? [Stupidas endeavours to pacify him.]
PREP.[Irritated to Stupidas] Ye are odious to my sight.Get out of it.
STUP.[In great terror] What have I done?
THES.Now what is it.Preposteros, what is it?
PREP.I a -- hate him and would have his life.
THES.[to Stup.] That's it--he hates you and would have your life.Now go and be merry.
STUP.Yes, but why does he hate me?
THES.Oh--exactly.[to Prep.] Why do you hate him?
PREP.Because he is a minion.
THES.He hates you because you are a minion.It explains itself.
Now go and enjoy yourselves.Ha.Ha.It is well for those who can laugh--let them do so--there is no extra charge.The light-hearted cup and the convivial jest for them--but for me--what is there for me?
SILLI.There is some claret-cup and lobster salad [handing some]
THES.[taking it] Thank you.[Resuming] What is there for me but anxiety--ceaseless gnawing anxiety that tears at my very vitals and rends my peace of mind asunder? There is nothing whatever for me but anxiety of the nature I have just described.The charge of these thoughtless revellers is my unhappy lot.It is not a small charge, and it is rightly termed a lot because there are many.Oh why did the gods make me a manager?
SILL.[as guessing a riddle] Why did the gods make him a manager?
SPAR.Why did the gods make him a manager.
DAPH.Why did the gods make him a manager?
