登陆注册
5419900000134

第134章

WILFRED Aye, it's well for thee to laugh.Thou hast a good post, and hast cause to be merry.

POINT [bitterly] Cause? Have we not all cause? Is not the world a big butt of humour, into which all who will may drive a gimlet? See, I am a salaried wit; and is there aught in nature more ridiculous? A poor, dull, heart-broken man, who must needs be merry, or he will be whipped; who must rejoice, lest he starve; who must jest you, jibe you, quip you, crank you, wrack you, riddle you, from hour to hour, from day to day, from year to year, lest he dwindle, perish, starve, pine,and die! Why, when there's naught else to laugh at, I laugh at myself till I ache for it!

WILFRED Yet I have often thought that a jester's calling would suit me to a hair.

POINT Thee? Would suit thee, thou death's head and cross-bones?

WILFRED Aye, I have a pretty wit-- a light, airy, joysome wit, spiced with anecdotes of prison cells and the torture chamber.Oh, a very delicate wit! I have tried it on many a prisoner, and there have been some who smiled.

Now it is not easy to make a prisoner smile.And it should not be difficult to be a good jester, seeing that thou are one.

POINT Difficult? Nothing easier.Nothing easier.Attend, and I will prove it to thee!

No.14.Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon (SONG)PointPOINT Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon, If you listen to popular rumour;From morning to night he's so joyous and bright, And he bubbles with wit and good humour!

He's so quaint and so terse, Both in prose and in verse;Yet though people forgive his transgression, There are one or two rules that all family fools Must observe, if they love their profession.

There are one or two rules, Half-a-dozen, maybe, That all family fools, Of whatever degree, Must observe if they love their profession.

If you wish to succeed as a jester, you'll need To consider each person's auricular:

What is all right for B would quite scandalize C(For C is so very particular);And D may be dull, and E's very thick skull Is as empty of brains as a ladle;While F is F sharp, and will cry with a carp, That he's known your best joke from his cradle!

When your humour they flout, You can't let yourself go;And it does put you out When a person says, "Oh!

I have known that old joke from my cradle!"If your master is surly, from getting up early (And tempers are short in the morning), An inopportune joke is enough to provoke Him to give you, at once, a month's warning.

Then if you refrain, he is at you again, For he likes to get value for money:

He'll ask then and there, with an insolent stare, "If you know that you're paid to be funny?"It adds to the tasks Of a merryman's place, When your principal asks, With a scowl on his face, If you know that you're paid to be funny?

Comes a Bishop, maybe, or a solemn D.D.--Oh, beware of his anger provoking!

Better not pull his hair--

Don't stick pins in his chair;

He won't understand practical joking.

If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack, You may get a bland smile from these sages;But should it, by chance, be imported from France, Half-a-crown is stopped out of your wages!

It's a general rule, Tho' your zeal it may quench, If the Family Fool Makes a joke that's too French, Half-a-crown is stopped out of his wages!

Though your head it may rack with a bilious attack, And your senses with toothache you're losing, And you're mopy and flat--they don't fine you for that If you're properly quaint and amusing!

Though your wife ran away with a soldier that day, And took with her your trifle of money;Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly kind--

They don't blame you--as long as you're funny!

It's a comfort to feel If your partner should flit, Though you suffer a deal, They don't mind it a bit--They don't blame you--so long as you're funny!

POINT And so thou wouldst be a jester eh?

WILFRED Aye!

POINT Now, listen! My sweetheart, Elsie Maynard, was secretly wed to this Fairfax half an hour ere he escaped.

WILFRED She did well.

POINT She did nothing of the kind, so hold thy peace and perpend.Now, while he liveth she is dead to me and Ito her, and so, my jibes and jokes notwithstanding, Iam the saddest and the sorriest dog in England!

WILFRED Thou art a very dull dog indeed.

POINT Now, if thou wilt swear that thou didst shoot this Fairfax while he was trying to swim across the river--it needs but the discharge of an arquebus on a dark night-- and that he sank and was seen no more, I'll make thee the very Archbishop of jesters, and that in two days'time! Now, what sayest thou?

WILFRED I am to lie?

POINT Heartily.But thy lie must be a lie of circumstance, which I will support with the testimony of eyes, ears,and tongue.

WILFRED And thou wilt qualify me as a jester?

POINT As a jester among jesters.I will teach thee all my original songs, my self-constructed riddles, my own ingenious paradoxes; nay, more, I will reveal to thee the source whence I get them.Now, what sayest thou?

WILFRED Why, if it be but a lie thou wantest of me, I hold it cheap enough, and I say yes, it is a bargain!

No.15.Hereupon we're both agreed (DUET)Point and WilfredBOTH Hereupon we're both agreed, All that we two Do agree to We'll secure by solemn deed, To prevent all Error mental.

POINT You on Elsie are to call With a story Grim and gory;WILFRED How this Fairfax died, and all I declare to You're to swear to.

POINTI to swear to!

WILFRED I declare to,POINTI to swear to!

WILFRED I declare to,BOTHI to swear to,/I declare to, You declare to,/You're to swear to, I to swear to,/I declare to.

BOTH Tell a tale of cock and bull, Of convincing detail full Tale tremendous, Heav'n defend us!

What a tale of cock and bull!

In return for your/my own part You are/I am making, undertaking To instruct me/you in the art (Art amazing, wonder raising)POINT Of a jester, jesting free.

Proud position--

High ambition!

WILFRED And a lively one I'll be, Wag-a-wagging, Never flagging!

同类推荐
热门推荐
  • 八零福妻养包子

    八零福妻养包子

    【新书《姜医生每天都在艰难求生》已发,求支持~~】【年代文+宠文+萌宝】末世一场大战,回到了八十年代!刻薄婆婆,极品大嫂,奇葩小姑......过去谁拿了我的什么,给我送回来;谁吃了我的什么,给我吐出来,一笔一笔慢慢算。等等,这枚突然冒出来的糯米团子什么情况?团子:“麻麻抱~”叶婉樱:牙疼!某天,一身冷漠气息的妖孽男人出现,大手一览:“媳妇儿,跟我走!”叶婉樱:卒!
  • 澎湖考略

    澎湖考略

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 浩然斋词话

    浩然斋词话

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 重生八八年

    重生八八年

    【新书:九零奋斗甜娇妻】今生重来,我打算做一个低调赚钱的小能手当个可爱村姑,听爸妈的话,娶一个男人当上门女婿让姐姐妹妹全都站起来,走在幸福的小康大道上干亲哥哥,青梅竹马,前世前夫,还有这位前世没见过的小哥喂喂,你们别捣乱我的姻缘,先去前面领号,再到后面排队去--又名《重生1988》又名《重生村姑》又名《我爱我家》这是一个从小被人骂白痴笨蛋的女孩,带着全家全村致富发家的故事
  • 极道圣尊

    极道圣尊

    圣尊,横扫九天十地,纵横六合八方,无敌三千寰宇,逍遥鸿蒙天地,超脱永恒纪元,历万劫而不灭。三千大道,混沌为尊;无数纪元,众多道主都只为最终超脱。亘古宇宙,强者如云,群星璀璨;太古至尊,地狱主宰;荒古天帝功参造化,震慑万古无人敌。绝代天骄卫阳征战诸天万界,立大卫天庭,统无尽天地,证极道圣尊。海到无边天作岸,山登绝顶我为峰;他年我若为天帝,再战荒古誓不休!
  • 南北朝五重奏之凤羽

    南北朝五重奏之凤羽

    以一个普通虚构人物的视角再现南北朝的百年传奇故事
  • 北涧头

    北涧头

    刘浪,生于70年代,中国作家协会会员,黑龙江省作家协会签约作家,鲁迅文学院第十五期高研班学员。若干诗歌、中短篇小说发表于《飞天》《文学界》《山花》《作品》等数十家期刊,多篇小说被《小说选刊》等报刊转载。
  • 罗布泊之咒

    罗布泊之咒

    周德东首次创作超长篇小说,最新悬疑巨著《罗布泊之咒》,本书集青春、爱情、悬疑、探险、魔幻于一体,类型前所未有,共1001次高潮。邀读者一起开启惊心动魄的“罗布泊之旅”。
  • 爆笑满园:娘子矜持点

    爆笑满园:娘子矜持点

    为嘛人家穿越都是权倾朝野大富大贵,她穿越就是个穷山沟沟屁娃子?不过她不怕!养鸡种菜她都行,更何况还捡到个俊美小帅哥!管他是谁家小少爷,一起发家致富奔小康才是正道!我养鸡来你赚钱,我种菜来你赚钱,我包果园来你赚钱……妇唱夫随把钱赚,扑倒相公把家还!“娘子,你矜持点,人家好怕怕……”某相公故作娇羞地说道。(轻松,温馨,1v1)
  • 斗破之天府危机

    斗破之天府危机

    双帝之战后不足十年,五帝神秘消失,刚刚取胜的天府联盟遭到新威胁,魂族残党、兽域众族、南界各国群起而攻之。灵族尚未灭亡,大陆史诗未尽,落雁帝国内一个黑衫身影,踏上万里苦旅,追随炎帝脚步,书写诗意斗破。该书为斗破外传,原著的人物与势力仍存,世界构架略有扩展。若有兴于斗破之结局追寻、冷门探索(如音谷,南界等),可在此书中找到双帝之战后斗气大陆的故事。该书尊重原著,恰如《大主宰》、《武动乾坤》一般补充斗破故事,而并非另一平行空间。