登陆注册
5419900000134

第134章

WILFRED Aye, it's well for thee to laugh.Thou hast a good post, and hast cause to be merry.

POINT [bitterly] Cause? Have we not all cause? Is not the world a big butt of humour, into which all who will may drive a gimlet? See, I am a salaried wit; and is there aught in nature more ridiculous? A poor, dull, heart-broken man, who must needs be merry, or he will be whipped; who must rejoice, lest he starve; who must jest you, jibe you, quip you, crank you, wrack you, riddle you, from hour to hour, from day to day, from year to year, lest he dwindle, perish, starve, pine,and die! Why, when there's naught else to laugh at, I laugh at myself till I ache for it!

WILFRED Yet I have often thought that a jester's calling would suit me to a hair.

POINT Thee? Would suit thee, thou death's head and cross-bones?

WILFRED Aye, I have a pretty wit-- a light, airy, joysome wit, spiced with anecdotes of prison cells and the torture chamber.Oh, a very delicate wit! I have tried it on many a prisoner, and there have been some who smiled.

Now it is not easy to make a prisoner smile.And it should not be difficult to be a good jester, seeing that thou are one.

POINT Difficult? Nothing easier.Nothing easier.Attend, and I will prove it to thee!

No.14.Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon (SONG)PointPOINT Oh! a private buffoon is a light-hearted loon, If you listen to popular rumour;From morning to night he's so joyous and bright, And he bubbles with wit and good humour!

He's so quaint and so terse, Both in prose and in verse;Yet though people forgive his transgression, There are one or two rules that all family fools Must observe, if they love their profession.

There are one or two rules, Half-a-dozen, maybe, That all family fools, Of whatever degree, Must observe if they love their profession.

If you wish to succeed as a jester, you'll need To consider each person's auricular:

What is all right for B would quite scandalize C(For C is so very particular);And D may be dull, and E's very thick skull Is as empty of brains as a ladle;While F is F sharp, and will cry with a carp, That he's known your best joke from his cradle!

When your humour they flout, You can't let yourself go;And it does put you out When a person says, "Oh!

I have known that old joke from my cradle!"If your master is surly, from getting up early (And tempers are short in the morning), An inopportune joke is enough to provoke Him to give you, at once, a month's warning.

Then if you refrain, he is at you again, For he likes to get value for money:

He'll ask then and there, with an insolent stare, "If you know that you're paid to be funny?"It adds to the tasks Of a merryman's place, When your principal asks, With a scowl on his face, If you know that you're paid to be funny?

Comes a Bishop, maybe, or a solemn D.D.--Oh, beware of his anger provoking!

Better not pull his hair--

Don't stick pins in his chair;

He won't understand practical joking.

If the jests that you crack have an orthodox smack, You may get a bland smile from these sages;But should it, by chance, be imported from France, Half-a-crown is stopped out of your wages!

It's a general rule, Tho' your zeal it may quench, If the Family Fool Makes a joke that's too French, Half-a-crown is stopped out of his wages!

Though your head it may rack with a bilious attack, And your senses with toothache you're losing, And you're mopy and flat--they don't fine you for that If you're properly quaint and amusing!

Though your wife ran away with a soldier that day, And took with her your trifle of money;Bless your heart, they don't mind--they're exceedingly kind--

They don't blame you--as long as you're funny!

It's a comfort to feel If your partner should flit, Though you suffer a deal, They don't mind it a bit--They don't blame you--so long as you're funny!

POINT And so thou wouldst be a jester eh?

WILFRED Aye!

POINT Now, listen! My sweetheart, Elsie Maynard, was secretly wed to this Fairfax half an hour ere he escaped.

WILFRED She did well.

POINT She did nothing of the kind, so hold thy peace and perpend.Now, while he liveth she is dead to me and Ito her, and so, my jibes and jokes notwithstanding, Iam the saddest and the sorriest dog in England!

WILFRED Thou art a very dull dog indeed.

POINT Now, if thou wilt swear that thou didst shoot this Fairfax while he was trying to swim across the river--it needs but the discharge of an arquebus on a dark night-- and that he sank and was seen no more, I'll make thee the very Archbishop of jesters, and that in two days'time! Now, what sayest thou?

WILFRED I am to lie?

POINT Heartily.But thy lie must be a lie of circumstance, which I will support with the testimony of eyes, ears,and tongue.

WILFRED And thou wilt qualify me as a jester?

POINT As a jester among jesters.I will teach thee all my original songs, my self-constructed riddles, my own ingenious paradoxes; nay, more, I will reveal to thee the source whence I get them.Now, what sayest thou?

WILFRED Why, if it be but a lie thou wantest of me, I hold it cheap enough, and I say yes, it is a bargain!

No.15.Hereupon we're both agreed (DUET)Point and WilfredBOTH Hereupon we're both agreed, All that we two Do agree to We'll secure by solemn deed, To prevent all Error mental.

POINT You on Elsie are to call With a story Grim and gory;WILFRED How this Fairfax died, and all I declare to You're to swear to.

POINTI to swear to!

WILFRED I declare to,POINTI to swear to!

WILFRED I declare to,BOTHI to swear to,/I declare to, You declare to,/You're to swear to, I to swear to,/I declare to.

BOTH Tell a tale of cock and bull, Of convincing detail full Tale tremendous, Heav'n defend us!

What a tale of cock and bull!

In return for your/my own part You are/I am making, undertaking To instruct me/you in the art (Art amazing, wonder raising)POINT Of a jester, jesting free.

Proud position--

High ambition!

WILFRED And a lively one I'll be, Wag-a-wagging, Never flagging!

同类推荐
  • Amphitryon

    Amphitryon

    Amphitryon was played for the first time in Paris, at the Theatre du Palais-Royal, January 13, wkkk.net was successfully received, holding the boards until the 18th of March, when Easter intervened.汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 佛说马有三相经

    佛说马有三相经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 沙弥律仪毗尼日用合参

    沙弥律仪毗尼日用合参

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • The Great War Syndicate

    The Great War Syndicate

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 私呵昧经

    私呵昧经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
热门推荐
  • 帝后传说Ⅱ庶女皇后

    帝后传说Ⅱ庶女皇后

    这年头穿越的事情多了,可谁TMD的有这个福分,一而再再而三的穿越。你这个贼老天,我杨紫衣招你了还是惹你了,连死都不让我死。好吧!我忍,可你偏偏又让我感受了一次爱的苦。难道我真的要再一次执起长剑来个美女救英雄?情节虚构,请勿模仿!
  • 爱幻想的我

    爱幻想的我

    本书是“校园文摘”系列丛书,分“繁星梦”“青春驿站”“亲情树”“鬼马狂想曲”“读书沙龙”“自然物语”“家乡素描”等版块,精选全国知名少年作家、中学生的哲理小文、心灵感悟、散文、杂文、随笔、游记、叙事、幽默故事、小说、社会热点、读后感等等。作品图文并茂,文笔流畅,真情中流露实感,思想上显出深度,深刻中略见睿智。相信本书会给读者带来无限遐想和乐趣,同时也会带来智慧的源泉和精神的力量,从而感受到阅读的魅力!
  • 农女吉祥

    农女吉祥

    刘吉祥叉腰指天,怒目而视,老天你是要闹哪样啊!本来是个没钱、没工作、没男友的三没剩女也就算了,怎么一觉醒来就成了没异能、没空间、没权、没钱还没智商的五没倒霉女了?就算是个傻姑娘,我也要勤种田奔小康,吉祥挺起胸脯向前望,可是……吉祥挠挠头,嘿嘿一笑,我是农事小白……乌鸦嘎嘎嘎飞过,掉落一地鸟毛~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~新文《无忧田园》已经开更,欢迎小可爱们来看,欢迎养肥~新文冲榜中,票票神马的都投给新文吧~爱你们哦
  • 假如你爱我如初

    假如你爱我如初

    她说:对不起,我有男朋友,我们相恋九年,我十七岁认识他,十八岁与他相爱至今,只是他因为工作出国,导致我至今未能与父亲提起。而做在她身后的人似乎要把杯子捏碎,身边的人却一直在叫:大哥,你那里不舒服吗?是胃病犯了吗?要不要叫医生?而魏东浩那里是胃疼,而是心疼,痛的不能自已,原来她还在爱着他(本人第一次写文,文笔不好,如若有写错和写的不好地方请多多指教)
  • 甄正论

    甄正论

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 妙语连珠

    妙语连珠

    面对形形色色的难题和困境,开动脑筋,运用智慧,往往就能找出答案,想出对策。“先有故事,后有智慧”。智慧故事是青少年不可不读的经典之作。故事,是通往智慧殿堂的使者,引领我们透过一扇扇明亮的窗口,引领你走向人生的辉煌。故事,是连缀智慧的闪亮珠玑,折射出哲人思想的光辉,照耀着你的人生成功之旅。一个故事就是智慧长河中的一朵涟漪,也许它不能改变这条河流的方向,但它会以自身的灵性让你在阳光的滋养中聆听智慧流过的声音,早日抵达你人生的巅峰。轻松阅读精彩的故事,聆听哲人的忠告,让智者的思想浸润我们。
  • 太上黄庭外景玉经

    太上黄庭外景玉经

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 霸欢

    霸欢

    虐文,估计虐的级别有限〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓〓当她撞上他。残存的理智却让她对他保持距离。然而命运像在捉弄她一般,她越想逃开,就越将她推向他身边。……宁氏的危机不容忽视,她只能求助于唯一能帮助宁氏的他。……他是危险的‘商业帝王’,有着风流滥情的本性,然而他一次又一次表现出的深情却令她慢慢的沉沦下去,她开始卸下防备,慢慢的接受。然而,命运却再一次与他联手,戏耍了她。……对不起,您拨打的电话不在服务区。对不起,您拨的电话正在通话中。对不起,您拨的电话已关机。……最重要的关键时刻,他终究没有出现为宁氏化解危机。在她最痛苦的时刻,那个口口声声说‘要定她’的男人,却消失得无影无踪。
  • 无限武道传

    无限武道传

    江湖血、天下命、身中魂、肩上刀!萧沙意外来到一个陌生而熟悉的世界,熟悉的武功、不同的人物,还有更加神秘莫测的武神空间,一切都超出意料之外。未及准备,一切都已如历史巨轮滚滚前行,从此江湖、天下、无尽空间、传说四起!北冥神功的极致、长生决的终点、霹雳金光武学乱入……听过的、没听过的,纷纷化作切身体会的天下江湖!
  • 替嫁新娘:这个总裁超完美

    替嫁新娘:这个总裁超完美

    姐姐逃婚,她成为了替嫁新娘,一时之间,姐夫变丈夫。她成为了所有人嘲讽的对象,也成为了他心头的一根刺。殊不知,这十年来,与他心意相通的人是她,与他互通邮件的人是她,甚至说着爱他的人也是她。只是,他从来都以为,那个人是她姐姐而已。她深藏秘密,然而他却误会她至深。当得知真相那一刻,他幡然悔悟,才知心中深爱到底是谁,展开了漫漫追妻路。