AN EXPLANATION FOR THE EXISTENCE OF CAN I SIT ON YOUR LAP WHILE YOU'RE POOPING?
I think I can speak on behalf of parents everywhere in saying that babies are super boring.
But when my daughter, Morgan, stopped being a baby and started talking, things got interesting. Talking is how she tried to figure everything out. And the way I talked back to her was—and still is—very honest and open. I considered it a noble way to engage with a curious child, but, in hindsight, it may have contributed to her early preoccupation with having David Bowie's babies and, also, my imminent death.
As a single dad (or whatever you call a man who spends half his time raising a kid by himself), I had no one nearby to raise my eyebrows at, or whisper "Holy crap did you hear that?" whenever Morgan said something especially weird or bizarrely insightful. Instead, I wrote down the things she said and shared them with family and friends. After a while, it started to feel like this collection of quotes might be valuable, like a portrait or a home movie, so I organized them into this book.
I don't know what kind of woman Morgan will become, but hopefully that woman will one day read the things she said and A) forgive her dad for finding yet another way to embarrass her, B) recognize herself in the crazy, amazing ways she looked at the world when she was just starting to figure it all out, and C) not hook up with super-old David Bowie.
MATTHEW CARROLL
DECEMBER 2014
