During the journey back to England I thought much of Strickland.I tried to set in order what I had to tell his wife.It was unsatisfactory, and I could not imagine that she would be content with me; I was not content with myself.Strickland perplexed me.I could not understand his motives.When I had asked him what first gave him the idea of being a painter, he was unable or unwilling to tell me. I could make nothing of it.I tried to persuade myself than an obscure feeling of revolt had been gradually coming to a head in his slow mind, but to challenge this was the undoubted fact that he had never shown any impatience with the monotony of his life.If, seized by an intolerable boredom, he had determined to be a painter merely to break with irksome ties, it would have been comprehensible, and commonplace; but commonplace is precisely what I felt he was not.At last, because I was romantic, I devised an explanation which I acknowledged to be far-fetched, but which was the only one that in any way satisfied me.It was this: I asked myself whether there was not in his soul some deep-rooted instinct of creation, which the circumstances of his life had obscured, but which grew relentlessly, as a cancer may grow in the living tissues, till at last it took possession of his whole being and forced him irresistibly to action.The cuckoo lays its egg in the strange bird's nest, and when the young one is hatched it shoulders its foster-brothers out and breaks at last the nest that has sheltered it.
But how strange it was that the creative instinct should seize upon this dull stockbroker, to his own ruin, perhaps, and to the misfortune of such as were dependent on him; and yet no stranger than the way in which the spirit of God has seized men, powerful and rich, pursuing them with stubborn vigilance till at last, conquered, they have abandoned the joy of the world and the love of women for the painful austerities of the cloister.Conversion may come under many shapes, and it may be brought about in many ways.With some men it needs a cataclysm, as a stone may be broken to fragments by the fury of a torrent; but with some it comes gradually, as a stone may be worn away by the ceaseless fall of a drop ofwater.Strickland had the directness of the fanatic and the ferocity of the apostle.
But to my practical mind it remained to be seen whether the passion which obsessed him would be justified of its works.When I asked him what his brother-students at the night classes he had attended in London thought of his painting, he answered with a grin:
"They thought it a joke."
"Have you begun to go to a studio here?"
"Yes.The blighter came round this morning -- the master, you know; when he saw my drawing he just raised his eyebrows and walked on."Strickland chuckled.He did not seem discouraged.He was independent of the opinion of his fellows.
